In a development that's almost certain to send a segment of libtards into unbridled, full-on-menstrual, apoplexic rage (which is mostly their usual state to begin with), it would appear that some people, at least, are welcoming the 'deadly threat' of Global Warming with unabashed enthusiasm.
Global Warming quite popular in Greenland.
But, I guess this means Greenlanders will have to be denied fresh vegetables by U.N. diktat. This so that Jeffrey Immelt can gather another few billion in Obama-administration taxpayer-funded Green Energy subsidies to produce windmills so expensive that those few Americans who actually DO want them buy the Chinese variety, and so that the International Socialist conspiracy that is Global Warming Alarmism can continue their work of enslaving us all free from dissenting opinion.
Don't be surprised if Obama decides he needs to invade another country in order to 'save' people we don't really give a shit about.
I wonder how The Won might square that circle of contradictory Oblah-blah Administration policies, if it ever came to it: the planet needs to be 'saved' from Global Warming, but Greenlanders will necesarily be deprived of Healthier Eating options in the process.
Showing posts with label Global Warming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Global Warming. Show all posts
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 09, 2011
Usama Bin Laden: Sorry Little Narcissist...
Some really creepy videos accompany this piece by the New York Post's Andrea Peyser.
It is almost axiomatic that the world's most notorious murderers and tyrants are insatiable narcissists, and incidentally, it's also true that many happen to be frustrated artists.
Adolf Hitler was a failed painter, Mussolini and Napoleon wrote extremely bad plays, Frederick the Great wrote execrable poetry, Nero fancied himself a playwright and master musician, Saddam Hussein wrote romance novels. Usama Bin Laden apparently fancied himself as a modern-day, Islamic Cicero, giving political speeches on the evils of Capitalism and Western Culture, all the while watching himself of television (a product of Western Culture), and up to his armpits in perhaps one of the most iconic symbols of Western Culture; huge stores of Coca-Cola were found in every nook-and-cranny of his guilded Pakistani-suburban slum/ hideout.
The contradictions would be lost on Bin Laden, but then again, what do you expect? A Narcissist is usually the last person to get the joke, especially when he's the butt of it.
We know of Bin Laden's last days because he did us the dubious favor and had them videotaped for us. Like a Muslim John Kerry, who had himself followed about by movie cameras while collecting enough self-inflicted gunshot wounds to be sent home from Vietnam, Bin Laden was never far from the glare of the lights and the video camera, creating a perpetual image of himself as something he wasn't. In the end, Usama Bin Laden wasn't the towering figure of cold, calculating, pious rage and fear that he had so carefully portrayed himself to be; he was a sick man, dyeing his beard, all hopped up on Viagra and past glories, hiding for fear of his sorry little life. When his end came, he did not, as he had once vowed, gone down fighting in a glorious martyrdom; he hid behind is wife and children, and then was gunned down like a dog.
The Great Hero of the Islamic World, shot to death within the borders of the Islamic World's only nuclear power, living under the protection of the Pakistani military, immersed in the very swamp water of the Western World that he hated so much; television, mass media, Coca-Cola, Viagra, the 24-hour news cycle, Al'Jazeera, the Remote Control, making speeches about the dangers of Global Warming and Capitalism like a college freshman with a 960 SAT score after a kegger. Bin Laden had been captured long before by the very culture he so despised, and he had never even noticed it. Dipshit.
His little world, the one in which he was never out of range of the sound of his own voice, never very far from his own self-constructed image, was all that was left to him, and it consumed his last days on Earth.
Now, after a decade of being the biggest boogeyman in History, Usama Bin Laden became little more than a punchline to a very bad joke.
I have no sympathy for the man, and if there's one complaint on my part about this whole capture and execution routine, it's that Bin Laden wasn't hung by his heels in Times Square to get the full Mussolini Treatment, in front of the very television cameras that he craved so much.
It is almost axiomatic that the world's most notorious murderers and tyrants are insatiable narcissists, and incidentally, it's also true that many happen to be frustrated artists.
Adolf Hitler was a failed painter, Mussolini and Napoleon wrote extremely bad plays, Frederick the Great wrote execrable poetry, Nero fancied himself a playwright and master musician, Saddam Hussein wrote romance novels. Usama Bin Laden apparently fancied himself as a modern-day, Islamic Cicero, giving political speeches on the evils of Capitalism and Western Culture, all the while watching himself of television (a product of Western Culture), and up to his armpits in perhaps one of the most iconic symbols of Western Culture; huge stores of Coca-Cola were found in every nook-and-cranny of his guilded Pakistani-suburban slum/ hideout.
The contradictions would be lost on Bin Laden, but then again, what do you expect? A Narcissist is usually the last person to get the joke, especially when he's the butt of it.
We know of Bin Laden's last days because he did us the dubious favor and had them videotaped for us. Like a Muslim John Kerry, who had himself followed about by movie cameras while collecting enough self-inflicted gunshot wounds to be sent home from Vietnam, Bin Laden was never far from the glare of the lights and the video camera, creating a perpetual image of himself as something he wasn't. In the end, Usama Bin Laden wasn't the towering figure of cold, calculating, pious rage and fear that he had so carefully portrayed himself to be; he was a sick man, dyeing his beard, all hopped up on Viagra and past glories, hiding for fear of his sorry little life. When his end came, he did not, as he had once vowed, gone down fighting in a glorious martyrdom; he hid behind is wife and children, and then was gunned down like a dog.
The Great Hero of the Islamic World, shot to death within the borders of the Islamic World's only nuclear power, living under the protection of the Pakistani military, immersed in the very swamp water of the Western World that he hated so much; television, mass media, Coca-Cola, Viagra, the 24-hour news cycle, Al'Jazeera, the Remote Control, making speeches about the dangers of Global Warming and Capitalism like a college freshman with a 960 SAT score after a kegger. Bin Laden had been captured long before by the very culture he so despised, and he had never even noticed it. Dipshit.
His little world, the one in which he was never out of range of the sound of his own voice, never very far from his own self-constructed image, was all that was left to him, and it consumed his last days on Earth.
Now, after a decade of being the biggest boogeyman in History, Usama Bin Laden became little more than a punchline to a very bad joke.
I have no sympathy for the man, and if there's one complaint on my part about this whole capture and execution routine, it's that Bin Laden wasn't hung by his heels in Times Square to get the full Mussolini Treatment, in front of the very television cameras that he craved so much.
Monday, January 31, 2011
More Evidence that Global Warming is a Communist Plot...
Surprise! There are no melting glaciers, after all!
Of course there aren't; the whole thing was spun from whole cloth, the better to frighten the bejesus out of people so that they'd panic and fall in line with the Master Plan of the Greenie Meanies, who simply want to "Save the Planet" by arresting progress and redistributing the wealth of the industrialized world.
Personally, I don't give a shit if some headhunter on New Guinea drowns because the island is swamped by rising sea levels (that's a load of bullshit, too). I figure if headhunting was a viable way of life more people would be doing it -- and the fact that the vast majority don't tends to bear me out on this -- that sort of culture would be more widespread. I also reckon that any society which has not evolved beyond it's Stone Age origins and technology is a society that is most likely doomed to eventual extinction. Since extinction is a part of the natural cycle, making expensive efforts to save that which Nature has judged failures is a waste of time and money.
Of course there aren't; the whole thing was spun from whole cloth, the better to frighten the bejesus out of people so that they'd panic and fall in line with the Master Plan of the Greenie Meanies, who simply want to "Save the Planet" by arresting progress and redistributing the wealth of the industrialized world.
Personally, I don't give a shit if some headhunter on New Guinea drowns because the island is swamped by rising sea levels (that's a load of bullshit, too). I figure if headhunting was a viable way of life more people would be doing it -- and the fact that the vast majority don't tends to bear me out on this -- that sort of culture would be more widespread. I also reckon that any society which has not evolved beyond it's Stone Age origins and technology is a society that is most likely doomed to eventual extinction. Since extinction is a part of the natural cycle, making expensive efforts to save that which Nature has judged failures is a waste of time and money.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Biology For Dummies...
Lots of tree-hugging hippies out there like to write nasty -- and they'd like to think anonymous, but not really George P. in Terre Haute, or Alyssa V. in Schenectedy -- e-mails, and a few with more braincells than usual like trying -- and failing -- to hack other people's computers and e-mail accounts, too. You know who you are, and if you don't knock it off, I'm going to make a special effort to pay you a visit and MAKE YOU STOP...permanently. I can promise you that ObamaCare won't support you in a vegetative state for very long, so please, don't make me have to beat you.
I can handle nasty. Doesn't bother me at all. I just can't handle STUPID. Drives me insane.
This post brought some blowback (and really, people, can't you just use the reply function to make your stupid case? Oh, right; that has a 4,000 character limit, and unfortunately, you can't spout crap in under 5,000), most of it about the destructive effect of all that extra carbon dioxide that will kill us all.
Apparently, you don't need to know the basics of biology in order to be an environMENTAList. Nor do you need critical thinking skills. All that is required of you is that you simply believe, in much the same way the Muslim or the Catholic establishment doesn't really give a shit about what you think; they only care that you believe, and obey...and send money. This willing suspension of disbelief, to disregard evidence, logic, objective truth, or counter-argument is called "Faith". There's no thinking required. It's the major reason why so many sad-sacks join storefront churches, or strap explosives to themselves in the name of God; Faith is far easier than Truth or Reason, and certainly cheaper than a psychiatrist.
If you're a committed environut, you have to only believe four things (mostly because you're incapable of remembering more than four things) , not taking into consideration evidence to the contrary, nor accepting any argument or evidence whatsoever that would seem to knock the intellectual underpinnings out from beneath your beliefs. These four things are:
1. Carbon dioxide is a deadly poison.
2. Carbon dioxide levels are too high, and that Man has the ability to to do all of the following;
a. Calculate precisely how much CO2 there is in the atmosphere,
b. Calculate precisely how much CO2 is "just right" for the continuation of Life as We Know it, at optimum efficiency,
c. determine that if CO2 levels are too high, that it MUST be the result of Mankind doing things (i.e. going through the processes of what we like to call "living").
d. Discern just how elevated CO2 levels will affect the climate of the planet (as if there were only one world-wide climate!), with disastrous results, especially for people who are, in the best of times, slowly starving to death because they can't grow food, fucking themselves into starvation, killing each other in the name of religion, killing each other because they have nothing better to do, or dying of diseases that could be easily prevented if only they'd use soap, or stop fucking their livestock.
3. That Science is providing all the answers to the mysteries of a number of complex systems that we barely understand, and have barely begun to study in earnest.
4. That sans evidence that Man is actually doing catastrophic harm, it is your duty to insist that He is, and to make every effort to arrest progress that it's in your power to do. Usually, this means whine, bitch and moan until you get your way, like a four-year old.
Or write nasty, you-think-you're-anonymous e-mails. So, boys and girls, let me tell you about the Great Chain of Life, in eight (8) Easy Steps. Pay attention, because you just might learn something that might cause you to give up that lifestyle of pretentious affectation you're engaged in now.
1. There are untold trillions of a certain kind of organism on this planet which we call "Plants" and "Plant-like Organisms".
2. These Plant and Plant-like Organisms like to eat, and in fact, must do so to survive, just like you do, only without Che Guevara T-shits, American Idol, patchouli oil, marijuana, and bottled water.
3. Because they don't have access to Tofu, Doritos and Starbucks, these Plants and Plant-like Organisms have developed a wonderful system of making their own food, which we call Photosynthesis, in which they combine CARBON DIOXIDE with water, sunlight, and trace elements to produce complex carbohydrates (you know, like you get in your tastes-like-shit-but-is-supposedly-healthy-as-all-hell PowerBar?) and sugars. The Plants and Plant-like Creatures eat these sugars, and therefore, grow and thrive.
4. As a result of Photosynthesis, these Plants and Plant-like Organisms basically "shit" OXYGEN, a gas which is a requirement for life for water buffalo, mountain gorillas, polar bears, spotted owls, parrot fish, and dumbass Watermelons (Green on the outside, Red on the inside) who write stupid e-mails telling me I should die because I happen to disagree with them...an' stuff.
5. It is a known fact that when Plants and Plant-like Organisms have access to more CO2, they tend to grow faster and bigger, much like your average person if fed a steady diet of Chips Ahoy's, Ruffles, Pork chops, whipped-cream-out-of-the-can, ice cream and Pepsi would. More plants means more oxygen, and more food for cute little grazing animals like Bambi and Dumbo.
6. If one takes CO2 out of the atmosphere, then one deprives the Plants and Plant-like Organisms of their main source of food, thus killing them. And Bambi and Dumbo, too.
7. If one kills the Plants and Plant-like Organisms, one reduces the amount of Oxygen in the air, it means that those of us with the ability to find our own asses with both hands and a flashlight will have to kill and eat nosepicking environMENTALists in order to survive in an Oxygen-and-food-depleted environment.
8. Once the herd has been culled of the dumbass envirowhackos, we survivors will go back to putting CO2 back into the atmosphere, so that the Plants and Plant-like Organisms can eat and grow again, so that we can breathe, and so that the chickens, cattle, pigs, and fish -- assuming any of them survived both the loss of plants (their fucking food), and Oxygen -- will return, so that we may eat them instead of environMENTALISTs who aren't so tasty, are far from being Brain Food, and have less nutritional value than CheezWhiz.
So, you see, CO2 is not so much a poison as it is a RESOURCE NECESSARY FOR THE CONTINUATION OF LIFE ON THIS PLANET, YOU DUMB-AS-DOGSHIT ASSHOLE!
Also, I get a kick out of people who:
1. Tell me I should save the world by killing myself, but who apparently won't follow their own advice. Avoiding the "looming environmental disaster headed our way" doesn't fill them with enough fear and despondency to take their own lives. No, no, no; it's all of us regular people who should sacrifice ourselves on the Greenie Meanies' behalf, the selfish cocksuckers. Ever notice how those of us who don't agree with them are "selfish" but those that who would demand your death for their own personal comfort and salvation mysteriously aren't?
2. Lecture me about the evils of industrialization, whilst using a computer made from petroleum products and mined metals, transmitting across the ether on cables made of the same, the whole endeavor powered by coal, oil or natural gas burning power plants, or nuclear plants which leave radioactive waste, the very same things these douchebags say is destroying the atmosphere, and without which, modern life would be impossible.
3. Can use the terms "Massive Global Warming Catastrophe" and "Unprecedented Global Ice Age" in the same sentence and not notice the inherent contradictions, massive stupidity, or delicious irony, contained within?
4. If Darwin (your other Icon) was right, then whatever survives the no-plants-no-oxygen conditions of a global catastrophe will evolve so that they can. It's called Adaptation. They just probably won't be going to college and majoring in Keg Party, Gender Studies and Repeating the Stupid Shit My Professor Says.
If you can process all of this, Children, then maybe you'll begin to discover why it's so difficult to take you seriously.
I can handle nasty. Doesn't bother me at all. I just can't handle STUPID. Drives me insane.
This post brought some blowback (and really, people, can't you just use the reply function to make your stupid case? Oh, right; that has a 4,000 character limit, and unfortunately, you can't spout crap in under 5,000), most of it about the destructive effect of all that extra carbon dioxide that will kill us all.
Apparently, you don't need to know the basics of biology in order to be an environMENTAList. Nor do you need critical thinking skills. All that is required of you is that you simply believe, in much the same way the Muslim or the Catholic establishment doesn't really give a shit about what you think; they only care that you believe, and obey...and send money. This willing suspension of disbelief, to disregard evidence, logic, objective truth, or counter-argument is called "Faith". There's no thinking required. It's the major reason why so many sad-sacks join storefront churches, or strap explosives to themselves in the name of God; Faith is far easier than Truth or Reason, and certainly cheaper than a psychiatrist.
If you're a committed environut, you have to only believe four things (mostly because you're incapable of remembering more than four things) , not taking into consideration evidence to the contrary, nor accepting any argument or evidence whatsoever that would seem to knock the intellectual underpinnings out from beneath your beliefs. These four things are:
1. Carbon dioxide is a deadly poison.
2. Carbon dioxide levels are too high, and that Man has the ability to to do all of the following;
a. Calculate precisely how much CO2 there is in the atmosphere,
b. Calculate precisely how much CO2 is "just right" for the continuation of Life as We Know it, at optimum efficiency,
c. determine that if CO2 levels are too high, that it MUST be the result of Mankind doing things (i.e. going through the processes of what we like to call "living").
d. Discern just how elevated CO2 levels will affect the climate of the planet (as if there were only one world-wide climate!), with disastrous results, especially for people who are, in the best of times, slowly starving to death because they can't grow food, fucking themselves into starvation, killing each other in the name of religion, killing each other because they have nothing better to do, or dying of diseases that could be easily prevented if only they'd use soap, or stop fucking their livestock.
3. That Science is providing all the answers to the mysteries of a number of complex systems that we barely understand, and have barely begun to study in earnest.
4. That sans evidence that Man is actually doing catastrophic harm, it is your duty to insist that He is, and to make every effort to arrest progress that it's in your power to do. Usually, this means whine, bitch and moan until you get your way, like a four-year old.
Or write nasty, you-think-you're-anonymous e-mails. So, boys and girls, let me tell you about the Great Chain of Life, in eight (8) Easy Steps. Pay attention, because you just might learn something that might cause you to give up that lifestyle of pretentious affectation you're engaged in now.
1. There are untold trillions of a certain kind of organism on this planet which we call "Plants" and "Plant-like Organisms".
2. These Plant and Plant-like Organisms like to eat, and in fact, must do so to survive, just like you do, only without Che Guevara T-shits, American Idol, patchouli oil, marijuana, and bottled water.
3. Because they don't have access to Tofu, Doritos and Starbucks, these Plants and Plant-like Organisms have developed a wonderful system of making their own food, which we call Photosynthesis, in which they combine CARBON DIOXIDE with water, sunlight, and trace elements to produce complex carbohydrates (you know, like you get in your tastes-like-shit-but-is-supposedly-healthy-as-all-hell PowerBar?) and sugars. The Plants and Plant-like Creatures eat these sugars, and therefore, grow and thrive.
4. As a result of Photosynthesis, these Plants and Plant-like Organisms basically "shit" OXYGEN, a gas which is a requirement for life for water buffalo, mountain gorillas, polar bears, spotted owls, parrot fish, and dumbass Watermelons (Green on the outside, Red on the inside) who write stupid e-mails telling me I should die because I happen to disagree with them...an' stuff.
5. It is a known fact that when Plants and Plant-like Organisms have access to more CO2, they tend to grow faster and bigger, much like your average person if fed a steady diet of Chips Ahoy's, Ruffles, Pork chops, whipped-cream-out-of-the-can, ice cream and Pepsi would. More plants means more oxygen, and more food for cute little grazing animals like Bambi and Dumbo.
6. If one takes CO2 out of the atmosphere, then one deprives the Plants and Plant-like Organisms of their main source of food, thus killing them. And Bambi and Dumbo, too.
7. If one kills the Plants and Plant-like Organisms, one reduces the amount of Oxygen in the air, it means that those of us with the ability to find our own asses with both hands and a flashlight will have to kill and eat nosepicking environMENTALists in order to survive in an Oxygen-and-food-depleted environment.
8. Once the herd has been culled of the dumbass envirowhackos, we survivors will go back to putting CO2 back into the atmosphere, so that the Plants and Plant-like Organisms can eat and grow again, so that we can breathe, and so that the chickens, cattle, pigs, and fish -- assuming any of them survived both the loss of plants (their fucking food), and Oxygen -- will return, so that we may eat them instead of environMENTALISTs who aren't so tasty, are far from being Brain Food, and have less nutritional value than CheezWhiz.
So, you see, CO2 is not so much a poison as it is a RESOURCE NECESSARY FOR THE CONTINUATION OF LIFE ON THIS PLANET, YOU DUMB-AS-DOGSHIT ASSHOLE!
Also, I get a kick out of people who:
1. Tell me I should save the world by killing myself, but who apparently won't follow their own advice. Avoiding the "looming environmental disaster headed our way" doesn't fill them with enough fear and despondency to take their own lives. No, no, no; it's all of us regular people who should sacrifice ourselves on the Greenie Meanies' behalf, the selfish cocksuckers. Ever notice how those of us who don't agree with them are "selfish" but those that who would demand your death for their own personal comfort and salvation mysteriously aren't?
2. Lecture me about the evils of industrialization, whilst using a computer made from petroleum products and mined metals, transmitting across the ether on cables made of the same, the whole endeavor powered by coal, oil or natural gas burning power plants, or nuclear plants which leave radioactive waste, the very same things these douchebags say is destroying the atmosphere, and without which, modern life would be impossible.
3. Can use the terms "Massive Global Warming Catastrophe" and "Unprecedented Global Ice Age" in the same sentence and not notice the inherent contradictions, massive stupidity, or delicious irony, contained within?
4. If Darwin (your other Icon) was right, then whatever survives the no-plants-no-oxygen conditions of a global catastrophe will evolve so that they can. It's called Adaptation. They just probably won't be going to college and majoring in Keg Party, Gender Studies and Repeating the Stupid Shit My Professor Says.
If you can process all of this, Children, then maybe you'll begin to discover why it's so difficult to take you seriously.
Monday, January 03, 2011
When All Else Fails, Show 'em Your Tits!
Environmentalists and scientists are concerned about the massive drop in public interest in the topic of Global Warming over the last year. Now they are looking for new strategies to turn the tide. They're searching for so-called "mind bombs" -- highly emotional images that reduce a complex problem down to one core message.
This is par for the course for Lefties: when you can't make your argument on logic, science, facts, or enlightened self-interest, go for emotion....or sex.
One initial experiment showed an attractive female researcher posing in a bathing suit in front of Arctic ice. "Climate change is sexy," was also the motto of several working groups at the Global Media Forum in Bonn.
I'm told this sells beer and automobiles, too. You would think they could have found more attractive models for this sort of thing. I guess the sight of flesh, even on ugly people (see the slide show within the article) , is enough to arouse a Lefty and get him or her (it's usually a her) motivated to do stupid things. But, just in case you were worried that this was all about tits and vaginas, and therefore, extremely sexist, there's this:
India has even managed to turn a sex symbol into an icon for climate protection. The Ice Shiva Lingam, an enormous ice stalagmite in the Amarnath caves of northern India, is revered as a fertility symbol. Major news outlets in the country have begun reporting on global warming since the frozen phallic symbol began to melt.
Yep, because when I think "phallic symbols", I always think "India". If there was a more direct and obvious correlation between the phallus and Indians, there would probably be more Indian dudes making porn movies, I think.
The next logical step is to give 'em an image, out of context, which is supposed to appeal to people's better sensibilities, and a short, catchy slogan (no more than four words, please; the committed Leftist can't remember more than that, i.e. 'No Blood 4 Oil", "Hands off My Bush", "It's for the Children", "Think Global, Act Local" and so forth). When sex and simplicity don't work, then go for pure shock value:
One commercial in a campaign by the British-based environmental organization 10:10 showed a teacher blowing up two students who were skeptical about cutting their carbon emissions, with fountains of blood spraying the others in the class. Other 10:10 videos have the same fate befalling recalcitrant office workers and footballers. But the campaign proved a dud -- it sparked massive protests and was quickly withdrawn.
More successful was a Greenpeace advertising spot that targeted the multinational food company Nestlé. Greenpeace wanted the video, in which a bar of chocolate turns out to be a gorilla's bleeding finger, to be understood as a symbol of endangered rainforests, where harvesting palm oil for chocolate production encroaches on great apes' habitats. After the video caused a considerable stir, Nestlé promised to stop using products that damaged rainforests.
I would assume there are means of obtaining palm oil for chocolate which doesn't endanger rainforests, but probably costs twice as much, an expense that will eventually be passed on to the consumer until a Nestle's Crunch costs the same as a gallon of gasoline. Thanks douchebags!
When that fails, go with the celebrity factor, because we all know that stupid people just love to take their cues, or advice about how to think or live their lives from even dumber people who just happen to be "famous". I wonder if George Clooney or Brangelina are available to provide play-by-play commentary on the next video of pandas being nailed to trees by men in Nazi costume?
The rest of the article is telling. It shows an environMENTAL movement that is so desperate that it is wiling to lie (only they call it "A New Kind of Journalism"), invent a new "Scientific Language" (hey, hasn't "Global Warming" already become "Climate Change, and then "Climate Chaos" in little more than a year?), and even adopting the strategy of Leftardism's greatest enemy; religion. They call this "The Search For a New Messiah" (because the old one, Al Gore, is such a douche), and even make an appeal to the sainted memory of Martin Luther King, Jr., because let's face it: Climate Change is just as bad as treating a formerly-enslaved race like second-class citizens, when you aren't burning crosses on their front lawns or hanging them from any convenient tree.
It makes you wonder if this planet isn't simply the loony bin of some alien race, which sits back and watches from above and laughs it's collective ass off at the stupidity of some human beings.
What's really funny, in that it's-so pathetic-you-don't-know-whether-to-laugh-or-cry way, is that Save Gaia propaganda is handled in exactly the same shallow-flashy Madison-Avenue fashion that one would use to promote any other product or brand name. But if you asked any committed Leftard his opinion on Madison Avenue, he'd probably call it the Handmaiden of Death, because it's the very vehicle that pushes the unsustainable, mass-consumption vision of the world that the Leftards insist is destroying the planet in the first place!
This is par for the course for Lefties: when you can't make your argument on logic, science, facts, or enlightened self-interest, go for emotion....or sex.
One initial experiment showed an attractive female researcher posing in a bathing suit in front of Arctic ice. "Climate change is sexy," was also the motto of several working groups at the Global Media Forum in Bonn.
I'm told this sells beer and automobiles, too. You would think they could have found more attractive models for this sort of thing. I guess the sight of flesh, even on ugly people (see the slide show within the article) , is enough to arouse a Lefty and get him or her (it's usually a her) motivated to do stupid things. But, just in case you were worried that this was all about tits and vaginas, and therefore, extremely sexist, there's this:
India has even managed to turn a sex symbol into an icon for climate protection. The Ice Shiva Lingam, an enormous ice stalagmite in the Amarnath caves of northern India, is revered as a fertility symbol. Major news outlets in the country have begun reporting on global warming since the frozen phallic symbol began to melt.
Yep, because when I think "phallic symbols", I always think "India". If there was a more direct and obvious correlation between the phallus and Indians, there would probably be more Indian dudes making porn movies, I think.
The next logical step is to give 'em an image, out of context, which is supposed to appeal to people's better sensibilities, and a short, catchy slogan (no more than four words, please; the committed Leftist can't remember more than that, i.e. 'No Blood 4 Oil", "Hands off My Bush", "It's for the Children", "Think Global, Act Local" and so forth). When sex and simplicity don't work, then go for pure shock value:
One commercial in a campaign by the British-based environmental organization 10:10 showed a teacher blowing up two students who were skeptical about cutting their carbon emissions, with fountains of blood spraying the others in the class. Other 10:10 videos have the same fate befalling recalcitrant office workers and footballers. But the campaign proved a dud -- it sparked massive protests and was quickly withdrawn.
More successful was a Greenpeace advertising spot that targeted the multinational food company Nestlé. Greenpeace wanted the video, in which a bar of chocolate turns out to be a gorilla's bleeding finger, to be understood as a symbol of endangered rainforests, where harvesting palm oil for chocolate production encroaches on great apes' habitats. After the video caused a considerable stir, Nestlé promised to stop using products that damaged rainforests.
I would assume there are means of obtaining palm oil for chocolate which doesn't endanger rainforests, but probably costs twice as much, an expense that will eventually be passed on to the consumer until a Nestle's Crunch costs the same as a gallon of gasoline. Thanks douchebags!
When that fails, go with the celebrity factor, because we all know that stupid people just love to take their cues, or advice about how to think or live their lives from even dumber people who just happen to be "famous". I wonder if George Clooney or Brangelina are available to provide play-by-play commentary on the next video of pandas being nailed to trees by men in Nazi costume?
The rest of the article is telling. It shows an environMENTAL movement that is so desperate that it is wiling to lie (only they call it "A New Kind of Journalism"), invent a new "Scientific Language" (hey, hasn't "Global Warming" already become "Climate Change, and then "Climate Chaos" in little more than a year?), and even adopting the strategy of Leftardism's greatest enemy; religion. They call this "The Search For a New Messiah" (because the old one, Al Gore, is such a douche), and even make an appeal to the sainted memory of Martin Luther King, Jr., because let's face it: Climate Change is just as bad as treating a formerly-enslaved race like second-class citizens, when you aren't burning crosses on their front lawns or hanging them from any convenient tree.
It makes you wonder if this planet isn't simply the loony bin of some alien race, which sits back and watches from above and laughs it's collective ass off at the stupidity of some human beings.
What's really funny, in that it's-so pathetic-you-don't-know-whether-to-laugh-or-cry way, is that Save Gaia propaganda is handled in exactly the same shallow-flashy Madison-Avenue fashion that one would use to promote any other product or brand name. But if you asked any committed Leftard his opinion on Madison Avenue, he'd probably call it the Handmaiden of Death, because it's the very vehicle that pushes the unsustainable, mass-consumption vision of the world that the Leftards insist is destroying the planet in the first place!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Five Resolutions That I Intend to Keep...
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Thursday, December 30, 2010
Orwell Never Sleeps...
As anyone who reads this tripe regularly knows, I absolutely adore George Orwell. Not in that "I want to have his babies" sort of way (despite that such a thing would be physically impossible, even if he wasn't already dead) but because Orwell was, in my estimation, the Greatest English Writer Who Ever Lived.
Even when you don't agree with anything he's written (Orwell was a committed Socialist), you can still appreciate it. He was a virtuoso of the English Language, and even the stuff that makes you scratch your head, or want to shoot your cat, still holds your interest because of the flowing quality of the words. Orwell was precise; he used exactly the right words in order to convey his thoughts, making his intent unmistakable. He was the master of the metaphor, too.
But the most remarkable thing about George Orwell is just how relevant he still is, sixty years after his death. The subjects he wrote about, the stories he told, his commentary -- all products the 1930's and 40's -- could very well have been written just last week. Or yesterday. Or more likely, Tomorrow. Moreso than H.G. Wells, or Aldous Huxley, George Orwell wrote about Tomorrow Today, and in such a way as to cause one to come to the realization that just because something has already happened, it doesn't necessarily follow that it won't happen again; only the form and circumstances will be different.
Orwell, of course, did not set out to write in this way; he was not aiming at being the next Nostradamus, nor do I think he was trying to suggest to us, as the great Christian Theologians who almost kept us in the Dark Ages insisted, that "There is nothing new under the Sun...". I think, rather, that he'd figured out something that many of our so-called Learned Men still have not figured out; the world may change, but human nature does not. He was a man who set out to tell the Truth As He Saw It; it just so happens that most Truths are immortal.
Let's face it, ever since Bill Clinton, the word "Orwellian" has pretty much entered the lexicon of anyone capable of breathing without mechanical assistance, so even if you've never heard of him, you've heard of him!
If you're not familiar with Orwell's works, then I suggest you get yourself so as quickly as possible. Not so much because of what it may tell you about the world you live in, but mostly because it's just damned good reading, learning a thing or two, or just having something to think about on the side is just an added benefit.
Where most people usually become familiar with his works, it's because they were "forced" to read his classics -- Animal Farm, 1984, The Road to Wiggan Pier -- in school. It was an assignment, something they couldn't avoid, and I'll wager, because it had that quality it was something they never enjoyed. Because of that mindset, they probably never picked up anything with his name on it again, or ever imagined that there was more to the man than those three books.
Not true! I would suggest, if you can, that you get yourself a copy of George Orwell: Essays, from the Everyman's Library series of books. It is a collection of Orwell's short stories, essays, newspaper reportage, and book reviews, in which he discusses everything from how to make the perfect cup of tea, to the future of democracy in a world in which it would soon be easy to regulate thought, repress dissent, and co-ordinate every human activity through the power of government. I have to say, it's my all-time favorite thing to read, and I never tire of it.
Every so often, I break out my Orwell collection, turn to a random page, and then just read. Today, that random page happened to be an essay, written in 1946, about the possibility that Man would learn to control the Earth's climate, and what that would mean to him, personally. Naturally, he entitled it "A Bad Climate is Best" (Take THAT Al Gore!), because to Orwell, perfection was always a pipe dream, and it's pursuit a waste of time and energy, so why not learn to see the virtue even in those things that make us uncomfortable?
Unfortunately, I could not find this particular essay posted on the Internet, so I can't reproduce it easily here, which is a pity; Orwell even made the sad sight of a elm tree covered in a shaggy canopy of dead leaves sound somewhat romantic.
Even when you don't agree with anything he's written (Orwell was a committed Socialist), you can still appreciate it. He was a virtuoso of the English Language, and even the stuff that makes you scratch your head, or want to shoot your cat, still holds your interest because of the flowing quality of the words. Orwell was precise; he used exactly the right words in order to convey his thoughts, making his intent unmistakable. He was the master of the metaphor, too.
But the most remarkable thing about George Orwell is just how relevant he still is, sixty years after his death. The subjects he wrote about, the stories he told, his commentary -- all products the 1930's and 40's -- could very well have been written just last week. Or yesterday. Or more likely, Tomorrow. Moreso than H.G. Wells, or Aldous Huxley, George Orwell wrote about Tomorrow Today, and in such a way as to cause one to come to the realization that just because something has already happened, it doesn't necessarily follow that it won't happen again; only the form and circumstances will be different.
Orwell, of course, did not set out to write in this way; he was not aiming at being the next Nostradamus, nor do I think he was trying to suggest to us, as the great Christian Theologians who almost kept us in the Dark Ages insisted, that "There is nothing new under the Sun...". I think, rather, that he'd figured out something that many of our so-called Learned Men still have not figured out; the world may change, but human nature does not. He was a man who set out to tell the Truth As He Saw It; it just so happens that most Truths are immortal.
Let's face it, ever since Bill Clinton, the word "Orwellian" has pretty much entered the lexicon of anyone capable of breathing without mechanical assistance, so even if you've never heard of him, you've heard of him!
If you're not familiar with Orwell's works, then I suggest you get yourself so as quickly as possible. Not so much because of what it may tell you about the world you live in, but mostly because it's just damned good reading, learning a thing or two, or just having something to think about on the side is just an added benefit.
Where most people usually become familiar with his works, it's because they were "forced" to read his classics -- Animal Farm, 1984, The Road to Wiggan Pier -- in school. It was an assignment, something they couldn't avoid, and I'll wager, because it had that quality it was something they never enjoyed. Because of that mindset, they probably never picked up anything with his name on it again, or ever imagined that there was more to the man than those three books.
Not true! I would suggest, if you can, that you get yourself a copy of George Orwell: Essays, from the Everyman's Library series of books. It is a collection of Orwell's short stories, essays, newspaper reportage, and book reviews, in which he discusses everything from how to make the perfect cup of tea, to the future of democracy in a world in which it would soon be easy to regulate thought, repress dissent, and co-ordinate every human activity through the power of government. I have to say, it's my all-time favorite thing to read, and I never tire of it.
Every so often, I break out my Orwell collection, turn to a random page, and then just read. Today, that random page happened to be an essay, written in 1946, about the possibility that Man would learn to control the Earth's climate, and what that would mean to him, personally. Naturally, he entitled it "A Bad Climate is Best" (Take THAT Al Gore!), because to Orwell, perfection was always a pipe dream, and it's pursuit a waste of time and energy, so why not learn to see the virtue even in those things that make us uncomfortable?
Unfortunately, I could not find this particular essay posted on the Internet, so I can't reproduce it easily here, which is a pity; Orwell even made the sad sight of a elm tree covered in a shaggy canopy of dead leaves sound somewhat romantic.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Global Warming Probably Gave Your Dog Fleas, Too...
In response to this post, an Anonymous reader posted a link to a recent New York Times article on Global Warming, which pretty much says that the recent cold snaps that have struck and crippled Europe this past fortnight, and which dumped 2-feet of snow on New York City the last two days, are, alas, caused by Global Warming, too.
The article is unadulterated bullshit, and the author should be ashamed of himself. Assuming, of course, he had any shame to begin with. But this is par for the course when dealing with the true believers in Man-made Global Catastrophe; they are shameless liars, and possessed of a bulletproof stupidity that they themselves would sneeringly attribute to the poor slugs who, snicker-snicker, believe in God.
Of course, these are the same people who believe that Man has the power to halt the cycle of Evolution and Extinction, and return the planet to a supposed Golden Age where atmospheric conditions were "just right". They can't define "just right", but they know it exists,because it must have...once. And they call Conservatives crazy people who want to turn back the clock?
The major problem with the Global Warming types is that they simply don't care about truth, nor do they care about science. For the committed Tree-Hugger, the debate over global Warming is about neither truth nor science, nor about what's good for the Human Race, it's always about a self-appointed elite who hate their fellow human beings and want to control their lives.
This Elite wants to control your actions a) for their personal (mostly mental) comfort, b) for their personal enrichment, c) because they're pretentious assholes who believe they're better than anyone else, and d) because they're committed to the idea that World Socialism is still a viable system, it just needs a new marketing campaign and better World Socialists to run it.
This is, after all, their overall goal; to bring about World Socialism without having to have debates, without having to fight wars, without having to deal with forces that they cannot control. It's best to concoct a fairy tale of mankind destroying his habitat so as to arrest the growth of the developed nations (The West), while allowing the rest of the planet (The Third World, India, China) to "catch up" industrially by removing any such restrictions upon their activity. In this way, the dream of World Socialism will have been achieved (material equality, or rather, equality of misery) in the way that Socialists typically want it to be achieved; by destroying the rights and privileges of the individual, sovereign nations and traditional institutions.
The package of World Socialism has just been wrapped in festive, brightly-colored, and friendlier paper: now, it's no longer about Proletarian struggle, unavoidable historical forces coming into conflict, class warfare, or a war of ideologies that may lead to actual shooting and nuclear exchange. No, the World Socialism crowd now comes to you claiming they want to save Polar Bears and Tropical Fish, starving African villagers and rain forests full of endangered fruit trees. The goal, however, still remains: control of the world economy, either directly (through the U.N.) or indirectly (again, through the U.N.) by means of treaties, or international law that forces some nations to bear the technical and financial burdens of modernizing all the others.
Global Warming advocates are the slipperiest of eels.
Too hot? Heat waves and droughts?
That's Global Warming.
Too cold? Blizzards?
That's Global Warming, too.
Too Many hurricanes?
Global Warming, for sure.
No Hurricanes at all?
Definitely Global Warming.
Cat missed the litter box? Didn't win the Lottery? Got Vanilla when you asked for Chocolate? Barack Obama got elected President?
Global Warming will get you every time...
Eventually, you get to the point where Global Warming is responsible for Icelandic volcanoes erupting, and Haitian Earthquakes, as some of the dumber Global Warming idiots did, indeed argue, at the time those events occurred.
Ask for proof,and you get "science"that is falsified. Point out the science has been doctored, or worse, relies on assumptions that no one can quantify, and the committed Global Warmer simply moves the goal posts; it's still doesn't matter if the science is fake, the threat is still real, or suddenly, there's a new variable that someone tosses into the equation that's never been reported on, but someone has been studying in his basement for the last 20 years.
They are like the Christian Apologists of the 30's and 40's, who told you that it doesn't really matter if Christ existed, or if there's resurrection of the body, or even if the saintsperformed miracles, what matters is not the literal veracity of Gospel, but the perceived intent. Point out that if you argue that Christ really hadn't risen from the dead, and that there is no real promise of a resurrection of the body, then the pillars upon which their faith rests must surely fail, and you get that most condescending and annoying retort "you're not a theologian, so you can't possibly understand..."
Global Warming douchebags do this all the time. They make claims that cannot be proven, and then in their defense say that you, John Smith, are just too stupid to understand the REAL science. And just like the Christian Apologists, who were always able to stay one step ahead of you in any argument that threatened to devolve into a test of logic, the Global Warming Idiot plays the same confidence trick.
Is there Global Warming? Of course there is. The climate of this planet has changed repeatedly in 4 billion years, and will continue to change long after mankind is gone. How do I know? Because there is provable scientific data that says the Earth has gone through several major Ice Ages in the recent geological past, and since there ain't any glaciers here on Staten Island and my diet doesn't consist of Elephant Seal and Whale Blubber, I have to assume that, consequently, there was at least an equal number of warming events, also easily proved by accepted, provable scientific means, just in case the evidence of your own eyes isn't enough.
The Question is how much does Man's activity contribute to this warming phenomenon,and the answer is...no one actually knows... and when true,honest scientific minds try to find out, they find it is beyond their capacity to actually enumerate, because the complexities of weather and climate are, even in the 21st Century, poorly understood.
The Global Warmer foot soldier, however, is convinced, sans evidence, that ALL the warming is the result of human activity, and the only means to arrest it is to bring progress to a screeching halt,no matter how many people it kills, no matter how many landscapes it destroys, no matter how expensive that might be. In the meantime, his Puppet Masters, the World-Socialists-in-Sheep's-Clothing, sit back and enjoy the wealth and power they accumulate by manipulating the brain-dead masses.
Like most Left-wing movements, EnvironMENTALism is a movement of the Ill-informed-but Well-intentioned, led by the Ill-Intentioned-but Well-informed. Truth, science, and logic have nothing to do with any of it, nor does the bloody weather.
Update: I rest my case.
The article is unadulterated bullshit, and the author should be ashamed of himself. Assuming, of course, he had any shame to begin with. But this is par for the course when dealing with the true believers in Man-made Global Catastrophe; they are shameless liars, and possessed of a bulletproof stupidity that they themselves would sneeringly attribute to the poor slugs who, snicker-snicker, believe in God.
Of course, these are the same people who believe that Man has the power to halt the cycle of Evolution and Extinction, and return the planet to a supposed Golden Age where atmospheric conditions were "just right". They can't define "just right", but they know it exists,because it must have...once. And they call Conservatives crazy people who want to turn back the clock?
The major problem with the Global Warming types is that they simply don't care about truth, nor do they care about science. For the committed Tree-Hugger, the debate over global Warming is about neither truth nor science, nor about what's good for the Human Race, it's always about a self-appointed elite who hate their fellow human beings and want to control their lives.
This Elite wants to control your actions a) for their personal (mostly mental) comfort, b) for their personal enrichment, c) because they're pretentious assholes who believe they're better than anyone else, and d) because they're committed to the idea that World Socialism is still a viable system, it just needs a new marketing campaign and better World Socialists to run it.
This is, after all, their overall goal; to bring about World Socialism without having to have debates, without having to fight wars, without having to deal with forces that they cannot control. It's best to concoct a fairy tale of mankind destroying his habitat so as to arrest the growth of the developed nations (The West), while allowing the rest of the planet (The Third World, India, China) to "catch up" industrially by removing any such restrictions upon their activity. In this way, the dream of World Socialism will have been achieved (material equality, or rather, equality of misery) in the way that Socialists typically want it to be achieved; by destroying the rights and privileges of the individual, sovereign nations and traditional institutions.
The package of World Socialism has just been wrapped in festive, brightly-colored, and friendlier paper: now, it's no longer about Proletarian struggle, unavoidable historical forces coming into conflict, class warfare, or a war of ideologies that may lead to actual shooting and nuclear exchange. No, the World Socialism crowd now comes to you claiming they want to save Polar Bears and Tropical Fish, starving African villagers and rain forests full of endangered fruit trees. The goal, however, still remains: control of the world economy, either directly (through the U.N.) or indirectly (again, through the U.N.) by means of treaties, or international law that forces some nations to bear the technical and financial burdens of modernizing all the others.
Global Warming advocates are the slipperiest of eels.
Too hot? Heat waves and droughts?
That's Global Warming.
Too cold? Blizzards?
That's Global Warming, too.
Too Many hurricanes?
Global Warming, for sure.
No Hurricanes at all?
Definitely Global Warming.
Cat missed the litter box? Didn't win the Lottery? Got Vanilla when you asked for Chocolate? Barack Obama got elected President?
Global Warming will get you every time...
Eventually, you get to the point where Global Warming is responsible for Icelandic volcanoes erupting, and Haitian Earthquakes, as some of the dumber Global Warming idiots did, indeed argue, at the time those events occurred.
Ask for proof,and you get "science"that is falsified. Point out the science has been doctored, or worse, relies on assumptions that no one can quantify, and the committed Global Warmer simply moves the goal posts; it's still doesn't matter if the science is fake, the threat is still real, or suddenly, there's a new variable that someone tosses into the equation that's never been reported on, but someone has been studying in his basement for the last 20 years.
They are like the Christian Apologists of the 30's and 40's, who told you that it doesn't really matter if Christ existed, or if there's resurrection of the body, or even if the saintsperformed miracles, what matters is not the literal veracity of Gospel, but the perceived intent. Point out that if you argue that Christ really hadn't risen from the dead, and that there is no real promise of a resurrection of the body, then the pillars upon which their faith rests must surely fail, and you get that most condescending and annoying retort "you're not a theologian, so you can't possibly understand..."
Global Warming douchebags do this all the time. They make claims that cannot be proven, and then in their defense say that you, John Smith, are just too stupid to understand the REAL science. And just like the Christian Apologists, who were always able to stay one step ahead of you in any argument that threatened to devolve into a test of logic, the Global Warming Idiot plays the same confidence trick.
Is there Global Warming? Of course there is. The climate of this planet has changed repeatedly in 4 billion years, and will continue to change long after mankind is gone. How do I know? Because there is provable scientific data that says the Earth has gone through several major Ice Ages in the recent geological past, and since there ain't any glaciers here on Staten Island and my diet doesn't consist of Elephant Seal and Whale Blubber, I have to assume that, consequently, there was at least an equal number of warming events, also easily proved by accepted, provable scientific means, just in case the evidence of your own eyes isn't enough.
The Question is how much does Man's activity contribute to this warming phenomenon,and the answer is...no one actually knows... and when true,honest scientific minds try to find out, they find it is beyond their capacity to actually enumerate, because the complexities of weather and climate are, even in the 21st Century, poorly understood.
The Global Warmer foot soldier, however, is convinced, sans evidence, that ALL the warming is the result of human activity, and the only means to arrest it is to bring progress to a screeching halt,no matter how many people it kills, no matter how many landscapes it destroys, no matter how expensive that might be. In the meantime, his Puppet Masters, the World-Socialists-in-Sheep's-Clothing, sit back and enjoy the wealth and power they accumulate by manipulating the brain-dead masses.
Like most Left-wing movements, EnvironMENTALism is a movement of the Ill-informed-but Well-intentioned, led by the Ill-Intentioned-but Well-informed. Truth, science, and logic have nothing to do with any of it, nor does the bloody weather.
Update: I rest my case.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Snowbound!
There is approximately 3 feet of snow outside the front door this morning. I don't think it actually snowed that much, but the wind has piled drifts that high just about everywhere. I can see no cars on the street;the streets are unplowed, and the parked cars are buried except for little bits of color, or perhaps a side-view mirror sticking out of the drifts.
I was just saying to my nephews on Christmas Day, that it would be a good idea to rent a snow-blower from the local tool rental in anticipation of this storm, so that we could spend the first day afterwards making a killing on driveways and walkways, but they had no enthusiasm for the project, and then I didn't get the chance to actually put the plan into action. Now I'm kicking myself: the opportunity to make several hundred dollars (cash!) this day has gone right out the window.
I wish Al Gore were here right now so that I could push his face into the snow. I'd grab him by the back of his toupee, and hold his head inside a drift, and yell "What was that about global warming, Fuckface!? Huh? What was that about fucking polar bears?" Then I'd bitchslap him a few times and send him home crying to his mother. After I took his lunch money.
Oh, and speaking of mothers...
Mine was in rare form last night. She's one of those people upon whom television actually works. Let me explain that; if there's an announcement of impending holocaust transmitted over the airwaves, she'll buy it, hook, line and sinker. There will be no personal analysis of the information, no thought given to it's veracity, no attempt to put the announcement in context, no need to go to a different source to verify this or that stated "fact", no critical thinking skills involved, whatsoever. If it was on television, it must be true, and cannot be argued against.
And so it was that last night's overwrought, overdone wall-to-wall weather reporting which would have had you believing the Earth was entering a new Ice Age, worked it's fear-mongering magic upon her. (Just why is it that every local TV station must do this? They interrupt normal programming to give you an over-the-top, fear-injected five-hour weather report -- with other assholes in parkas and microphones standing at strategic locations to tell you how the bread lines are at the supermarkets -- to tell you what you already know: It's snowing outside...a lot).
I happened to be out last night. My friends are in New York from Britain for the holidays, and I haven't seen them for over a year. In fact, I barely get to see any of my friends, at all. They all live in different cities, states, and even countries. A little thing like a snowstorm wasn't keeping me home. Besides, this is New York; unlike most other places that either completely shut down in a snowstorm, or where complete pandemonium breaks out after a light dusting, we New Yorkers can deal with snow. Even two feet of it with 60-mph winds. If you can't, you're a pussy.
Get yourself some boots, dammit.
So, there I am, getting ready to enjoy a lovely evening, with lovely people, and...mother keeps calling their hotel room. She managed to get through twice, but that's only because the first three times she tried she had the wrong number. The Television Weather Report had achieved it's goal of making a winter snowstorm (like they never happen?) seem like the Apocalypse. Mom is now worried that I won't be able to get home, and every minute that goes by brings more dire and dreadful predictions and pronouncements from the Weather Chick on Channel 4 Whom I'd Like to Fucking Strangle Now.
Note to all my readers who may not have known this previously: your local weatherdouche gets his/her information from the National Weather Service. The Weather Service is actually pretty good at collecting information about weather and weather patterns, BUT, despite all of their Accu-weather-this, and Doppler-4000-that, you cannot get a weather report that is accurate to within 4 hours, give or take. This means that the idiot on the television giving you the temperature, and prognosticating over the prospects of rain and snow probably provides information as accurate as you could get by simply sticking your fucking head out the window.
And since his/her information comes from the same Federal Government that pays $400 for toilet paper and considers forced redistribution of wealth to drug addicts, career baby mamas, and people who just plain don't give a shit to be an anti-poverty program, well, you can just imagine how accurate your weather reporting actually is, despite all the super-expensive high-tech whizzbangery involved.
You see, Mom was frightened to death by the doom monger before the green-screen map. However, because she's my mother -- and that means she's a neurotic mess -- what worried her the most was that even if had successfully made the Odyssean journey from Manhattan to Staten Island, I might arrive at a time when the front door would be snowed shut by an accumulation of snow at it's base.
I'll repeat that: my mother was scared out of her fucking skull that I would be snowed out of my own house, and that I just might not be smart or motivated enough to dig through to the front door, if I really needed to. I suppose she thought I would, upon finding the door buried in snow, simply curl up on the doorstep and accept my fate quietly, like a dying Alpha Wolf in those nature documentaries. Or maybe she thought I would stand there for several hours like a nose-picking moron at a complete loss as to what to do, whereupon I would freeze to death. That would be embarrassing...for her. Her friends would all say, "My, how strange...he froze to death just feet from his own front door...The poor boy."
But first, she'd enjoy all the attention she'd get at the funeral.
So there it is; dinner plans shot to hell. My first night out in about a month, wasted. An opportunity to see friends that live 3,000 miles away frittered away; I've been cheated by a conspiracy of foul weather and a mother who lays awake all night in a panic that the front door will never be open ever again.
Maybe I'll bury her in the snow, and let Al Gore off with a Wet-Willie?
I was just saying to my nephews on Christmas Day, that it would be a good idea to rent a snow-blower from the local tool rental in anticipation of this storm, so that we could spend the first day afterwards making a killing on driveways and walkways, but they had no enthusiasm for the project, and then I didn't get the chance to actually put the plan into action. Now I'm kicking myself: the opportunity to make several hundred dollars (cash!) this day has gone right out the window.
I wish Al Gore were here right now so that I could push his face into the snow. I'd grab him by the back of his toupee, and hold his head inside a drift, and yell "What was that about global warming, Fuckface!? Huh? What was that about fucking polar bears?" Then I'd bitchslap him a few times and send him home crying to his mother. After I took his lunch money.
Oh, and speaking of mothers...
Mine was in rare form last night. She's one of those people upon whom television actually works. Let me explain that; if there's an announcement of impending holocaust transmitted over the airwaves, she'll buy it, hook, line and sinker. There will be no personal analysis of the information, no thought given to it's veracity, no attempt to put the announcement in context, no need to go to a different source to verify this or that stated "fact", no critical thinking skills involved, whatsoever. If it was on television, it must be true, and cannot be argued against.
And so it was that last night's overwrought, overdone wall-to-wall weather reporting which would have had you believing the Earth was entering a new Ice Age, worked it's fear-mongering magic upon her. (Just why is it that every local TV station must do this? They interrupt normal programming to give you an over-the-top, fear-injected five-hour weather report -- with other assholes in parkas and microphones standing at strategic locations to tell you how the bread lines are at the supermarkets -- to tell you what you already know: It's snowing outside...a lot).
I happened to be out last night. My friends are in New York from Britain for the holidays, and I haven't seen them for over a year. In fact, I barely get to see any of my friends, at all. They all live in different cities, states, and even countries. A little thing like a snowstorm wasn't keeping me home. Besides, this is New York; unlike most other places that either completely shut down in a snowstorm, or where complete pandemonium breaks out after a light dusting, we New Yorkers can deal with snow. Even two feet of it with 60-mph winds. If you can't, you're a pussy.
Get yourself some boots, dammit.
So, there I am, getting ready to enjoy a lovely evening, with lovely people, and...mother keeps calling their hotel room. She managed to get through twice, but that's only because the first three times she tried she had the wrong number. The Television Weather Report had achieved it's goal of making a winter snowstorm (like they never happen?) seem like the Apocalypse. Mom is now worried that I won't be able to get home, and every minute that goes by brings more dire and dreadful predictions and pronouncements from the Weather Chick on Channel 4 Whom I'd Like to Fucking Strangle Now.
Note to all my readers who may not have known this previously: your local weatherdouche gets his/her information from the National Weather Service. The Weather Service is actually pretty good at collecting information about weather and weather patterns, BUT, despite all of their Accu-weather-this, and Doppler-4000-that, you cannot get a weather report that is accurate to within 4 hours, give or take. This means that the idiot on the television giving you the temperature, and prognosticating over the prospects of rain and snow probably provides information as accurate as you could get by simply sticking your fucking head out the window.
And since his/her information comes from the same Federal Government that pays $400 for toilet paper and considers forced redistribution of wealth to drug addicts, career baby mamas, and people who just plain don't give a shit to be an anti-poverty program, well, you can just imagine how accurate your weather reporting actually is, despite all the super-expensive high-tech whizzbangery involved.
You see, Mom was frightened to death by the doom monger before the green-screen map. However, because she's my mother -- and that means she's a neurotic mess -- what worried her the most was that even if had successfully made the Odyssean journey from Manhattan to Staten Island, I might arrive at a time when the front door would be snowed shut by an accumulation of snow at it's base.
I'll repeat that: my mother was scared out of her fucking skull that I would be snowed out of my own house, and that I just might not be smart or motivated enough to dig through to the front door, if I really needed to. I suppose she thought I would, upon finding the door buried in snow, simply curl up on the doorstep and accept my fate quietly, like a dying Alpha Wolf in those nature documentaries. Or maybe she thought I would stand there for several hours like a nose-picking moron at a complete loss as to what to do, whereupon I would freeze to death. That would be embarrassing...for her. Her friends would all say, "My, how strange...he froze to death just feet from his own front door...The poor boy."
But first, she'd enjoy all the attention she'd get at the funeral.
So there it is; dinner plans shot to hell. My first night out in about a month, wasted. An opportunity to see friends that live 3,000 miles away frittered away; I've been cheated by a conspiracy of foul weather and a mother who lays awake all night in a panic that the front door will never be open ever again.
Maybe I'll bury her in the snow, and let Al Gore off with a Wet-Willie?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Hey, S.E. Cupp: I Already Wrote This!
Dear S.E. Cupp: if you've lifted one my posts, then you owe me. Since it's Christmas, I'd like you to arrive at my doorstep, in a bikini, with a bottle of something good, and a fistful of $100 bills. We'll find a hot tub later, Sugarshorts.
Now, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, because I have no proof of anything untoward. But when I read Cupp's Opinion piece in the NY Daily News this morning, I had a feeling of deja vu. I wrote the almost exact same post back in January! It's possible that two people might have the same exact idea eleven months apart, but it's kinda spooky, dont'cha think? Then again, great minds thinking alike and all that.
You be the judge. Here's mine.
l'll be waiting for your call, S.E., you sexy beast.
UPDATE: Updated the link.
Now, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, because I have no proof of anything untoward. But when I read Cupp's Opinion piece in the NY Daily News this morning, I had a feeling of deja vu. I wrote the almost exact same post back in January! It's possible that two people might have the same exact idea eleven months apart, but it's kinda spooky, dont'cha think? Then again, great minds thinking alike and all that.
You be the judge. Here's mine.
l'll be waiting for your call, S.E., you sexy beast.
UPDATE: Updated the link.
Friday, September 17, 2010
National "Harass A Treehugger" Day...
First, they called it "Global Warming".
Then, when it was proven the planet was actually cooling, it became "Climate Change".
Less-than-a-year later, it's now to be called "Global Climate Disruption".
It's still bullshit.
Just come clean, Tree Huggers, and admit it: you can't prove your assertions without lying, cheating and cooking the books. You engage in scare-mongering so that you may extort money from governments and easily-frightened retards, who in years past were only fleeced by those who professed faith in God, advocated the healing power of crystals and the homeopathic lifestyle, or flogging Lucky Astrology Mood Rings, instead of a government-funded global communist conspiracy.
The goal is not to "Save the Planet", because most EnvironMENTALists hate their fellow human beings, but to produce a new order in which the "enlightened" douchebags of the world get to rule over everyone else, tell us all what to do, and reap the benefits. And that's after they manage to impose world communism under the guise of saving African peasants from glacier melt.
For the last half-century these doofuses have been allowed to get away with this scam, and it's about time someone put a stop to it. Now, by myelf, as a private individual, well...I can only do so much. I do occasionally go down to the local Starbucks and deliberately drop litter in front of the Greenie Meanines, just to piss them off. Or, I sometimes sign their petitions with "Adolf Hitler" when they thrust them in front of me, unbidden, in the ferry terminal just to screw with them.
But, it's not enough. They're still here spouting the same bullshit, and they just change thename whenever they're caught out. They keep moving the goalposts in order to keep the scam going. They obviously have no respect for me, as a person, or for my intelligence.
I therefore declare November 1, 2010 to be "Harass a Treehugger Day".
You are not to do anything violent. You are not to do anything that will lead to someone being hurt. You are not to break any laws.
What you are supposed to do is make certain you can find the most annoying Tree Hugger you know, and do everything in your power to annoy the piss out of them for the next 24 hours. There's not even a point to it: you're just there to fucking annoy them because you can.
Follow them around, and try the following:
1. Make moral judgements against them, loudly and publicly, about the contradictions inherent in their espousal of Global Climate Disruption and their actual lifestyle. For example:
"You know, that cellphone you're about to use is made of disgusting petrochemicals, and the telephone company that carries your calls is complicit in the rape of the Earth because of all the copper, steel, and electricity they need to do business! When they send you your bill, that will be on paper that some tree was sacrificed for! Cellphone towers kill migratory birds with microwaves! Why are you using a cellphone when it's a mortal danger to Gaia?"
"Hey! Don't drink that Vente-Double-Caramel-Mocchiata-with-extra-whipped-cream! Do you realize how much fossil fuel we need to burn to get that coffee from the interior of Mozambique to the United States, and how many Greenhouse gasses were emitted in the process of brewing just that one cup? Why, that cup alone represents the entire yearly output of carbon emissions produced by 10,000,000 honeybees! You know honeybees are dying because of climate change? How are we supposed to pollinate our crops when your coffee is killing honeybees? Some douchebag in Outer Mongolia is starving because your coffee killed all the bees!"
2. Make certain you follow your selected target, and carefully-observe their daily activities. Take careful note of all their activities, and jump upon those that would seem to run counter to their stated goal of saving the environment. Make certain you write them an "Awareness Citation" for every violation at the end of the day, and chastize them for being a hypocrite.
3. Use your cellphone or other recording device to snap pictures of the Environut of your choice littering, using a private automobile, wasting resources, or otherwise failing to live up to the strict and exacting ideals he/she demands from YOU. Post those pictures on the Internet -- Facebook, MySpace, your blog, etc. -- just to show that Ms. Holier-Than-thou is really full of shit, and embarrass her in front of her Green peers, and indeed, the entire Green Movement.
4. Mail Al Gore pictures of Polar Bears in water. Make certain you caption your picture with the words "THEY CAN SWIM, DUMBASS!". Also make sure to remind Mr. Gore that he lost a Presidential election to a man his party loudly and frequently proclaimed was a blithering idiot, and that people who try to sue their way into the White House are probably the next-best-thing to Gay. Make sure you get 10 others to send a similar missive, and that they are all delivered by U.S. Mail, Fed Ex, or other contrivance that just burns through fossil fuels like Mexican water passed through a tourist.
(H/T Closet Conservative)
Then, when it was proven the planet was actually cooling, it became "Climate Change".
Less-than-a-year later, it's now to be called "Global Climate Disruption".
It's still bullshit.
Just come clean, Tree Huggers, and admit it: you can't prove your assertions without lying, cheating and cooking the books. You engage in scare-mongering so that you may extort money from governments and easily-frightened retards, who in years past were only fleeced by those who professed faith in God, advocated the healing power of crystals and the homeopathic lifestyle, or flogging Lucky Astrology Mood Rings, instead of a government-funded global communist conspiracy.
The goal is not to "Save the Planet", because most EnvironMENTALists hate their fellow human beings, but to produce a new order in which the "enlightened" douchebags of the world get to rule over everyone else, tell us all what to do, and reap the benefits. And that's after they manage to impose world communism under the guise of saving African peasants from glacier melt.
For the last half-century these doofuses have been allowed to get away with this scam, and it's about time someone put a stop to it. Now, by myelf, as a private individual, well...I can only do so much. I do occasionally go down to the local Starbucks and deliberately drop litter in front of the Greenie Meanines, just to piss them off. Or, I sometimes sign their petitions with "Adolf Hitler" when they thrust them in front of me, unbidden, in the ferry terminal just to screw with them.
But, it's not enough. They're still here spouting the same bullshit, and they just change thename whenever they're caught out. They keep moving the goalposts in order to keep the scam going. They obviously have no respect for me, as a person, or for my intelligence.
I therefore declare November 1, 2010 to be "Harass a Treehugger Day".
You are not to do anything violent. You are not to do anything that will lead to someone being hurt. You are not to break any laws.
What you are supposed to do is make certain you can find the most annoying Tree Hugger you know, and do everything in your power to annoy the piss out of them for the next 24 hours. There's not even a point to it: you're just there to fucking annoy them because you can.
Follow them around, and try the following:
1. Make moral judgements against them, loudly and publicly, about the contradictions inherent in their espousal of Global Climate Disruption and their actual lifestyle. For example:
"You know, that cellphone you're about to use is made of disgusting petrochemicals, and the telephone company that carries your calls is complicit in the rape of the Earth because of all the copper, steel, and electricity they need to do business! When they send you your bill, that will be on paper that some tree was sacrificed for! Cellphone towers kill migratory birds with microwaves! Why are you using a cellphone when it's a mortal danger to Gaia?"
"Hey! Don't drink that Vente-Double-Caramel-Mocchiata-with-extra-whipped-cream! Do you realize how much fossil fuel we need to burn to get that coffee from the interior of Mozambique to the United States, and how many Greenhouse gasses were emitted in the process of brewing just that one cup? Why, that cup alone represents the entire yearly output of carbon emissions produced by 10,000,000 honeybees! You know honeybees are dying because of climate change? How are we supposed to pollinate our crops when your coffee is killing honeybees? Some douchebag in Outer Mongolia is starving because your coffee killed all the bees!"
2. Make certain you follow your selected target, and carefully-observe their daily activities. Take careful note of all their activities, and jump upon those that would seem to run counter to their stated goal of saving the environment. Make certain you write them an "Awareness Citation" for every violation at the end of the day, and chastize them for being a hypocrite.
3. Use your cellphone or other recording device to snap pictures of the Environut of your choice littering, using a private automobile, wasting resources, or otherwise failing to live up to the strict and exacting ideals he/she demands from YOU. Post those pictures on the Internet -- Facebook, MySpace, your blog, etc. -- just to show that Ms. Holier-Than-thou is really full of shit, and embarrass her in front of her Green peers, and indeed, the entire Green Movement.
4. Mail Al Gore pictures of Polar Bears in water. Make certain you caption your picture with the words "THEY CAN SWIM, DUMBASS!". Also make sure to remind Mr. Gore that he lost a Presidential election to a man his party loudly and frequently proclaimed was a blithering idiot, and that people who try to sue their way into the White House are probably the next-best-thing to Gay. Make sure you get 10 others to send a similar missive, and that they are all delivered by U.S. Mail, Fed Ex, or other contrivance that just burns through fossil fuels like Mexican water passed through a tourist.
(H/T Closet Conservative)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Exclusive! Ground Zero Mosque Goes Green...
So can we please finally stop with all that stuff about about Islam being an intolerant-terrorist-breeding-death cult obsessed with a book written by a child molester, living in abject fear of vaginas, and bent on World Domination?
After all, they care about Global Warming....and stuff.
The world needs Douchebags, too, I guess. It's just a pity that one of them gets paid to write this kind of crap.
After all, they care about Global Warming....and stuff.
The world needs Douchebags, too, I guess. It's just a pity that one of them gets paid to write this kind of crap.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
EnvironMENTALism: The Racket...
If you simply remember to Follow the Money, you'll eventually arrive at the truth of just about any form of corruption.
In this case, the corruption and collusion which is at the heart of the Cap-and-Trade debate.
And these are, supposedly, the Moderate Greens, the ones who try to pass off their delusional scheme as a "market-oriented" approach so that conservatives can't make free-market arguments against their mumbo-jumbo. The article references the whole ecosystem of Watermelon parasites; the politicians, and the substrata of hanger's-on who glean a pretty good living on government-funded advocacy. The Think Tankers, the Lobbying groups, the "Charitable Organizations" and NGO's who make a killing on Global Warming Hype.
They serve the new Robber Baron class --people like Al Gore -- who's new line seems to be buying up all that beachfront property he promised would soon be below the rising oceans. These people play this very nasty confidence game in which they decry the evils of unfair, corrupted capitalism on the one hand, while trading for real money in a market for something that doesn't exist (Carbon Credits) -- and making a fortune off of it. The excuse is that unlike the robber barons of old, this form of cheating, lying, stealing and corruption serves an obviously-greater good -- the very Salvation of Man and Earth -- and is, therefore, not only excusable, but a noble undertaking.
This is simply a socially-acceptable form of Stock Market for those who don't wish to rub elbows with Real Capitalists -- who don't share their "enlightened" views on money, and apparently don't give a shit about the poor (I wonder, where would most charities be without the Rich?), where Commie-Pinko hypocrites can make personal fortunes while advocating World Socialism for everyone else free of guilt. These people are pious hypocrites...and they're performing a really neat trick: they are writing the laws of this country by manipulating the political class, or at least, trying to, while simultaneously drawing their livings from both the taxpayer and a fraud-disguised-as-private enterprise.
Good work if you can get it, huh? Thankfully this nonsense was stopped dead in it's tracks before it went further, but I get the feeling that these folks will be back. They always are, unfortunately.
I wonder how long it'll be before these people ask for a bail-out, too.
In this case, the corruption and collusion which is at the heart of the Cap-and-Trade debate.
And these are, supposedly, the Moderate Greens, the ones who try to pass off their delusional scheme as a "market-oriented" approach so that conservatives can't make free-market arguments against their mumbo-jumbo. The article references the whole ecosystem of Watermelon parasites; the politicians, and the substrata of hanger's-on who glean a pretty good living on government-funded advocacy. The Think Tankers, the Lobbying groups, the "Charitable Organizations" and NGO's who make a killing on Global Warming Hype.
They serve the new Robber Baron class --people like Al Gore -- who's new line seems to be buying up all that beachfront property he promised would soon be below the rising oceans. These people play this very nasty confidence game in which they decry the evils of unfair, corrupted capitalism on the one hand, while trading for real money in a market for something that doesn't exist (Carbon Credits) -- and making a fortune off of it. The excuse is that unlike the robber barons of old, this form of cheating, lying, stealing and corruption serves an obviously-greater good -- the very Salvation of Man and Earth -- and is, therefore, not only excusable, but a noble undertaking.
This is simply a socially-acceptable form of Stock Market for those who don't wish to rub elbows with Real Capitalists -- who don't share their "enlightened" views on money, and apparently don't give a shit about the poor (I wonder, where would most charities be without the Rich?), where Commie-Pinko hypocrites can make personal fortunes while advocating World Socialism for everyone else free of guilt. These people are pious hypocrites...and they're performing a really neat trick: they are writing the laws of this country by manipulating the political class, or at least, trying to, while simultaneously drawing their livings from both the taxpayer and a fraud-disguised-as-private enterprise.
Good work if you can get it, huh? Thankfully this nonsense was stopped dead in it's tracks before it went further, but I get the feeling that these folks will be back. They always are, unfortunately.
I wonder how long it'll be before these people ask for a bail-out, too.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Two Birds, One Stone...For Mother Earth...
I had an idea yesterday. That by itself would be news, but this one was so exquisitely clever, that I had to take the time to fully think-through the implications before committing it to....errm...electronic paper.
Two of the biggest problems in modern America are the runaway Welfare State, and a heaving mass of over-emotional, regressively-adolescent, tushy-clenched, panty-bunched, thumbsuckers who clamor for the American People and Government to live up to their "responsibilities" to help save Gaia. Now,I generally don't go in for this environMENTAL nonsense, because the people who espouse it are typically dumber and thicker than a sack of dog shit passed through a constipated daschund, but I figured that if I could find a way to make some of them just a little bit happier, they wouldn't carry on like a bunch of menstrual wolverines, and my ears would get a rest.
The Earth-firsters are all hot to limit the amount of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere. They are also mightily upset with mankind's mass-consumption habits, and the effects and demands these make upon Nature. The Greenie Meanies also have a wild hair up their collective asses about a concept they call "sustainability" -- a theory which totally contradicts Human Nature, but if I have this right, postulates that Man can live a "balanced" life in which he does not take from Nature more than he needs to survive (to more extreme advocates, this means the very barest of necessities, soap not being on this list of vitals for many, unfortunately), while doing his level best to ensure that Nature is tended so as to ensure "renewability" (i.e. eat an apple, plant an apple tree).
The Watermelons (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside) are also pretty ticked off at governments which subsidize/promote certain industries which are known to be harmful to the environment; Big Oil, Detroit, the Mining Industry, Big Agriculture, and Big Pharma, and either demand that governments regulate these industries right out of existence, or tax the shit out of them to fund "Green Initiatives", which usually concern Community Gardens, lots of Macrame and Pot, and at least one Cherokee Drum Circle.
But, usually going Green in any endeavor is typically so expensive (because Green efforts are usually inefficient and based upon the primacy of physical labor over the messy by-products of mechanization), that governments that aren't actually Socialist (like Spain), and which aren't part-and-parcel of the environMENTAList movement (a plan for world Socialism without the need for violent revolution) themselves, typically split the difference; practicing what appears to be laissez-faire capitalism with a strong streak of authoritarian taxation and regulation running through it. The best of both worlds: governments can collect taxes on productive enterprises, and still burnish their environMENTAL street cred by claiming to have "tough" regulations on The X Industry, because a) capitalism still works better than Socialism any day of the week, and b) it's cheaper to pay lip service to Watermelons than to actually Go Green.
So, how to reconcile all these seemingly-contradictory requirements in a smooth-running program that both saves the American taxpayer absolute tons of cash, while doing our part to preserve the Natural world? Easy.
I call it "Welfare Reform for Mother Earth". How can anyone in his right mind object to something that incorporates both the ultra-conservative and ultra-libtard in the same phrase?
Here's how it works:
There are tens of millions of people in the United States right now who have never worked a day in their lives, and who have never picked up anything heavier than their Food Stamp booklet, or Rent Subsidy check, -- except perhaps a crackpipe, or an illegal Glock with the serial numbers filed off. These people do no productive work at all; in fact, they are paid not to. This makes them both a net negative to both the taxpayer, and The Planet. It's expensive to give money to people who don't even grow their own food, or weave baskets, and just as expensive to support the massive army of State and Federal Employees who exist solely to provide these goldbricks with "benefits".That's even before we consider the economic costs of increased police protection, failings schools, substance abuse programs, AIDS, jails, public housing, chronic unemployment, and so forth.
And if that weren't bad enough, they're all breathing, farting and belching, releasing deadly Carbon Dioxide, Methane and other Greenhouse Gasses into the atmosphere, and not buying any carbon credits to offset any of it. Some of the products "The Poor" spend their apportioned money upon do come from renewable sources (Marijuana plants, Opium poppies, Coca leaf, the various grains that make up Malt Liquor), they are also as likely to spend as much, or more, of that cash in imitation of the crass consumerism of their economic betters -- cell phones, cable television, KFC, Ripple, hollowpoint bullets, Grillz, and oversized-gold-plated rims -- not to mention that many of these people fall into the category of "Morbidly Obese", which means that they are probably ingesting more calories in one day than an African or Asian peasant eats in a month, and have children at Malthusian levels that one day will bring us all to the brink of starvation.
So,I suggest that in order to save the world, Welfare should be made Illegal everywhere in America, and these payments cease immediately. That way, we could stop giving money away to social reprobates, and fire entire regiments of government employees who make more and do even less than those they "serve". Why, we'll save so much money that we can even afford to be a bit generous, and give some of that new-found cash to the EnvironMENTALists themselves, so that they can fund all sorts of touchy-feely-makes-ya-feel-good-but-is-ultimately-useless programs to "raise awareness", and advocate on behalf of special light bulbs, promote vegetarianism, and maybe even pay for their beloved Community Gardens, or even a windmill or two someplace.
"But Matt", you may ask, "what about all those people you now threw off the Welfare rolls and the Government payroll; what are they supposed to?" I thought that one through!
Unfortunately, after a while, some of them are going to die. This is unavoidable, but we can console ourselves that -- by their deaths -- they are no longer polluting either the Planet, nor Civil Society. Some will actually decide right then and there to turn their lives around, and give up the Welfare Gangsta lifestyle and go legit. Of course, most of those will probably find jobs at the lowest end of the economic scale,having no skills or education, but that's not a problem, either; the "Sustainable" lifestyle more or less entails making do with the barest necessities as your duty to Mother Gaia. Don't think of yourself as "working poor"; think of yourself more as "Good Global Citizen".
Of course those who don't have the courtesy to die, or who decide not to become Good Global Citizens will still be around -- if only because they are able to extort or steal enough to keep themselves alive -- and unrepentant, if not down-right dangerous. The solution to this is one which any Green would immediately recognize as the Holy Grail, as it were, of the EnvironMENTAL movement.
We will set up special National Parks given completely over to rampant, untended Nature in all it's splendor and glory. As we arrest and otherwise detain those who've managed to stay in their state of ill favor, they will be tagged with microchips (so that we can track them and shoot them if they try to escape, with lead-free bullets, of course -- lead poisons streams and fish! ). They will be released into these parks with nothing but their own wits, where they will have to re-learn all the survival skills our ancient ancestors once possessed, but which we have forgotten. Once released into the Wild, they can be studied in great detail by EnvironMENTALists who will one day want to emulate these lucky few, and return to Nature themselves, and who will need to learn all they can from the inmates successes and failures in experimenting with strange foliage as toilet paper, or in discovering which tree beetles, toads, and small lizards are safe to eat.
A true Garden of Eden, in the best Noble Savage tradition. I wonder what Al Gore would think of my ideas? He got a Nobel Prize, you know?
If only....
Two of the biggest problems in modern America are the runaway Welfare State, and a heaving mass of over-emotional, regressively-adolescent, tushy-clenched, panty-bunched, thumbsuckers who clamor for the American People and Government to live up to their "responsibilities" to help save Gaia. Now,I generally don't go in for this environMENTAL nonsense, because the people who espouse it are typically dumber and thicker than a sack of dog shit passed through a constipated daschund, but I figured that if I could find a way to make some of them just a little bit happier, they wouldn't carry on like a bunch of menstrual wolverines, and my ears would get a rest.
The Earth-firsters are all hot to limit the amount of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere. They are also mightily upset with mankind's mass-consumption habits, and the effects and demands these make upon Nature. The Greenie Meanies also have a wild hair up their collective asses about a concept they call "sustainability" -- a theory which totally contradicts Human Nature, but if I have this right, postulates that Man can live a "balanced" life in which he does not take from Nature more than he needs to survive (to more extreme advocates, this means the very barest of necessities, soap not being on this list of vitals for many, unfortunately), while doing his level best to ensure that Nature is tended so as to ensure "renewability" (i.e. eat an apple, plant an apple tree).
The Watermelons (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside) are also pretty ticked off at governments which subsidize/promote certain industries which are known to be harmful to the environment; Big Oil, Detroit, the Mining Industry, Big Agriculture, and Big Pharma, and either demand that governments regulate these industries right out of existence, or tax the shit out of them to fund "Green Initiatives", which usually concern Community Gardens, lots of Macrame and Pot, and at least one Cherokee Drum Circle.
But, usually going Green in any endeavor is typically so expensive (because Green efforts are usually inefficient and based upon the primacy of physical labor over the messy by-products of mechanization), that governments that aren't actually Socialist (like Spain), and which aren't part-and-parcel of the environMENTAList movement (a plan for world Socialism without the need for violent revolution) themselves, typically split the difference; practicing what appears to be laissez-faire capitalism with a strong streak of authoritarian taxation and regulation running through it. The best of both worlds: governments can collect taxes on productive enterprises, and still burnish their environMENTAL street cred by claiming to have "tough" regulations on The X Industry, because a) capitalism still works better than Socialism any day of the week, and b) it's cheaper to pay lip service to Watermelons than to actually Go Green.
So, how to reconcile all these seemingly-contradictory requirements in a smooth-running program that both saves the American taxpayer absolute tons of cash, while doing our part to preserve the Natural world? Easy.
I call it "Welfare Reform for Mother Earth". How can anyone in his right mind object to something that incorporates both the ultra-conservative and ultra-libtard in the same phrase?
Here's how it works:
There are tens of millions of people in the United States right now who have never worked a day in their lives, and who have never picked up anything heavier than their Food Stamp booklet, or Rent Subsidy check, -- except perhaps a crackpipe, or an illegal Glock with the serial numbers filed off. These people do no productive work at all; in fact, they are paid not to. This makes them both a net negative to both the taxpayer, and The Planet. It's expensive to give money to people who don't even grow their own food, or weave baskets, and just as expensive to support the massive army of State and Federal Employees who exist solely to provide these goldbricks with "benefits".That's even before we consider the economic costs of increased police protection, failings schools, substance abuse programs, AIDS, jails, public housing, chronic unemployment, and so forth.
And if that weren't bad enough, they're all breathing, farting and belching, releasing deadly Carbon Dioxide, Methane and other Greenhouse Gasses into the atmosphere, and not buying any carbon credits to offset any of it. Some of the products "The Poor" spend their apportioned money upon do come from renewable sources (Marijuana plants, Opium poppies, Coca leaf, the various grains that make up Malt Liquor), they are also as likely to spend as much, or more, of that cash in imitation of the crass consumerism of their economic betters -- cell phones, cable television, KFC, Ripple, hollowpoint bullets, Grillz, and oversized-gold-plated rims -- not to mention that many of these people fall into the category of "Morbidly Obese", which means that they are probably ingesting more calories in one day than an African or Asian peasant eats in a month, and have children at Malthusian levels that one day will bring us all to the brink of starvation.
So,I suggest that in order to save the world, Welfare should be made Illegal everywhere in America, and these payments cease immediately. That way, we could stop giving money away to social reprobates, and fire entire regiments of government employees who make more and do even less than those they "serve". Why, we'll save so much money that we can even afford to be a bit generous, and give some of that new-found cash to the EnvironMENTALists themselves, so that they can fund all sorts of touchy-feely-makes-ya-feel-good-but-is-ultimately-useless programs to "raise awareness", and advocate on behalf of special light bulbs, promote vegetarianism, and maybe even pay for their beloved Community Gardens, or even a windmill or two someplace.
"But Matt", you may ask, "what about all those people you now threw off the Welfare rolls and the Government payroll; what are they supposed to?" I thought that one through!
Unfortunately, after a while, some of them are going to die. This is unavoidable, but we can console ourselves that -- by their deaths -- they are no longer polluting either the Planet, nor Civil Society. Some will actually decide right then and there to turn their lives around, and give up the Welfare Gangsta lifestyle and go legit. Of course, most of those will probably find jobs at the lowest end of the economic scale,having no skills or education, but that's not a problem, either; the "Sustainable" lifestyle more or less entails making do with the barest necessities as your duty to Mother Gaia. Don't think of yourself as "working poor"; think of yourself more as "Good Global Citizen".
Of course those who don't have the courtesy to die, or who decide not to become Good Global Citizens will still be around -- if only because they are able to extort or steal enough to keep themselves alive -- and unrepentant, if not down-right dangerous. The solution to this is one which any Green would immediately recognize as the Holy Grail, as it were, of the EnvironMENTAL movement.
We will set up special National Parks given completely over to rampant, untended Nature in all it's splendor and glory. As we arrest and otherwise detain those who've managed to stay in their state of ill favor, they will be tagged with microchips (so that we can track them and shoot them if they try to escape, with lead-free bullets, of course -- lead poisons streams and fish! ). They will be released into these parks with nothing but their own wits, where they will have to re-learn all the survival skills our ancient ancestors once possessed, but which we have forgotten. Once released into the Wild, they can be studied in great detail by EnvironMENTALists who will one day want to emulate these lucky few, and return to Nature themselves, and who will need to learn all they can from the inmates successes and failures in experimenting with strange foliage as toilet paper, or in discovering which tree beetles, toads, and small lizards are safe to eat.
A true Garden of Eden, in the best Noble Savage tradition. I wonder what Al Gore would think of my ideas? He got a Nobel Prize, you know?
If only....
Friday, July 16, 2010
Somehow I Knew Where This Was Going Before I Even Read It..
Latest bit of atmospheric news from NASA: the theromosphere collapsed.
Don't get all excited. Before you get your panties in a knot and start running around like them little Japanese critters in the Godzilla movies, NASA says this sort of thing happens all the time. This collapse just happens to be a bit bigger than the other ones they've recorded, and Mother Earth is already fixing herself.
Here's the fucked up part, to my thinking;
A layer of the atmosphere which is usually warmed by intense solar activity has collapsed -- something it does regularly -- because there was no solar activity to warm it, and somehow this atmospheric cooling was the result of Global Warming? When someone over there at NASA isn't reading "The Care Bears Take The Rainbow Rocket to Andromeda" to the Muslims, perhaps they could find a spokesman who talks horse sense?
Maybe Al Gore's Second Chakra would like to chime in on this one?
Don't get all excited. Before you get your panties in a knot and start running around like them little Japanese critters in the Godzilla movies, NASA says this sort of thing happens all the time. This collapse just happens to be a bit bigger than the other ones they've recorded, and Mother Earth is already fixing herself.
Here's the fucked up part, to my thinking;
A layer of the atmosphere which is usually warmed by intense solar activity has collapsed -- something it does regularly -- because there was no solar activity to warm it, and somehow this atmospheric cooling was the result of Global Warming? When someone over there at NASA isn't reading "The Care Bears Take The Rainbow Rocket to Andromeda" to the Muslims, perhaps they could find a spokesman who talks horse sense?
Maybe Al Gore's Second Chakra would like to chime in on this one?
Monday, June 28, 2010
"Why Are You Doing This?"
That was the question asked by Allison Blais, a 24-year-old "Journalism Student". You see, Ms. Blais, and a number of other people, had just been pepper-sprayed by the
Toronto Police Department. Why? Because thousands of young Canadians made the hazardous voyage into downtown Toronto. (it is hazardous...I've been there) to make complete asses of themselves in order to put themselves in a position from whence to get pepper-sprayed. It's the very least the police department can do after their officers have been attacked, their cruisers set ablaze, and thousands of hemp-heads and faux-Anarchists are roaming the streets burning, looting and vandalizing everything in sight in the name of "World Peace", and stupid notions of fundamental justice.
And Ms. Blais is one of the exceedingly lucky ones, in the sense that the Toronto Police Department (or is it Ontario Provincial Police? I always forget) pretty much took the day off to let the protesters do their thing. Why, I'll bet that 99% of those protesters weren't pepper-sprayed at all. You should be proud, Ms. Blais, that the Police found you objectionable enough, what with all the rioting going on, to take the time from their overtime-pay coffee break to make the effort to do their jobs and squirt you right in the fucking kisser, Missy. Why, you were either a very easy target (I gather you were seated during your personal protest?) meaning that you made it easy, or you just really pissed them off.
On the bright side, you could just be happy that you'll now actually have a story to write for your "Journalism" class.
Everytime there's a G20 meeting, or some other political get-together where the World's Elite gather to figure out how to fuck up the planet even more, you will find protesters. Most of them are well-meaning people who actually believe that if 20,000 like-minded people get together with really spiffy signs, and clever four-words-or-less slogans (it's best if it all rhymes, they say), that the Chinese or Russian delegations might actually listen to anything you have to say. People like Barack Obama or Angela Merkel pretend to listen to you, because the Western style of politics demands that important personages at least appear to be "Men of the People", even if they really have no actual connection with the Huddled Masses, and barely think of them of actual human beings rather than as voting blocs, a source of tax money, or photo-ops.
I can promise you that even if you brought 100,000 people with signs, the Chinese will still bind women's feet, and stifle any nascent political dissent in their country with tanks and Secret police. I can almost guarantee that genocide will continue in Sudan or Rwanda, because the people there are fucking savages who can't read your signs, and who don't have televisions with which to actually see your protest, and discern your good intentions.
As far as "getting a message through to X", a protest march is all-well-and-fine, even if typically futile. It's your right, and I don't object to people trying to get their message out. However, it's usually the legions of douchebags who glom onto the well-meaning protesters' protest which often throws a monkey wrench into the whole thing. These New Age Anarchists, the Watermelons (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside), the new breed of Anti-Semites, the Older-and-Surgically-Preserved Breed of Radical Feminists, The Militant Queers, the Tinfoil Hats, and the Plain Stupid, join in these protests for a variety of reasons that usually don't have anything to do with the doings of the actual "Summit". They just show up for the Media Attention. There may have been a few tens of thousands in the streets, but most of them were probably of the "Civil Rights for Three-legged Blind Gerbils" type who more-or-less belong to entirely fringe-of-the-fringe-within-a-fringe "movements" which deal with an extremely narrow -- and often ridiculous -- issue. Those are the ones who show up on the odd chance that their sign might get 5 seconds of airtime on the nightly news, because almost any large gathering of people draws cameras, and they need to find or give moral support to the other seven people in Canada who believe in The Cause...whatever it may happen to be.
It's the smattering of assholes in there who showed up specifically to start trouble that are the problem. And those are the ones who most likely got Ms.Blais pepper-sprayed, assuming she just happened to find that grassy median a convenient place to take sit-down after a heavy afternoon's shopping, and had nothing to do with the protest at all.
Most "Anarchists" are really middle-class kids. Very well-off-upper-middle-class kids, who are a) stupid, and b) bored. Mostly they're college students who live in a world of abstracts idly tossed about by aging hippies who have even less experience of reality. Most have probably never done an honest day's work in their lives -- because Mom and Dad have provided everything -- who are drawn to the "romance" of play-acting as the Disaffected Political Streetfighter. They rail against the excesses of Capitalism (despite the fact that it's what allows them to live very comfortably; most would probably die of starvation within 15 minutes, if left to their own devices and lack of real survival skills, or ability to get e-mail), screaming their heads off about the plight of the "poor" in the "Third World". They do this dressed in their "Radical Chic" uniform of black Urban Guerillaware -- complete with the de rigeur Che Guevara t-shirt and red bandanna -- that costs a shitload of real money (after all, it's high fashion for a select clientele), probably produced in a sweatshop by some 11 year-old Nicaraguan making 3 cents a week. If she's lucky.
They rail against the "greed" of the "Evil Corporation", and yet, they take full advantage of the Evil Corporation's products; They drive or take public transport to the protest. They've organized themselves on Facebook, they use cell phones to communicate with one another and take pictures of one another like the riot was some once-in-a-lifetime event that needs to be recorded for posterity. Or, they might use Twitter to spread disinformation during the riot to make the Police look bad. They're certainly glad for the hospitals they'll need after the cops crack their skulls. Some even sport gas masks -- brought by the Gas Mask fairy, no doubt. They'll all gather at the local Starbucks, or McDonald's, three hours before their planned attack for an Egg McMuffin and a couple of double-caramel mocchiatas -- because breakfast IS The Most Important Meal of the Day. Don't worry; they'll be back to throw chunks of concrete through the store windows a few hours later.
When they're arrested, I'll bet at least half of those...ahem...tough, committed Soldiers of the People cry like bitches, and the other half huddle together in the corner of the common cell for fear of being gang raped by the "downtrodden" people they took to the streets on behalf of. No worries, though: Mom and Dad will come through with the bail money. They always do, because leaving Junior in jail overnight might damage his self-esteem.
I've had experience with three protests in my life, and when I say that, I mean a protest in which some aspect of my life was changed;
The first was sometime back in the early-90's when my then-girlfriend went to a NARAL march in Washington, D.C. I picked her up at the bus station after she had returned to Manhattan. She was exceedingly proud of herself for having attended the march and having stood up for Women's Rights. She was so exuberant that she wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, and I got tired of saying nothing but "well good for you", and not getting a word in edgewise, for near on 20 minutes. Her attempts to get me to validate her good feelings were painfully annoying; (if the conversation had been written down, she would have been finishing every paragraph with "Don't you think I've done a great thing?".With each new pronouncement of pride, my ears got just a teensy bit wearier. I asked her if she wouldn't mind talking about something else.
Needless to say, that relationship did not last much longer, for I had killed her Self-Esteem buzz.
The Second Experience was with an Earth Day celebration, with another ex-girlfriend. I didn't want to go, but I did want to get laid, so I got with The Program. The Program involved travelling to Central Park with her Hippie Girlfriend, and the Hippie Girlfriend's Pothead-25-years-older-than-she Boyfriend. So, the four of us hopped into Pothead's car for the half-mile voyage to Central Park -- a 1980's model Chevy Suburban that trailed enough oil smoke behind it for a battalion of Marines to maneuver behind, and adorned with this little gem of Eco-wisdom; A "Split Wood - Not Atoms" bumper sticker. Once we arrived at the Earth Day "Celebration" Hippie Girl and Cradle-Robbing-Pothead-Douchebag began their "work"...distributing the 5,000 printed fliers their "Green Workshop" had prepared to inform the citizens of Sodom-on-the-Hudson about the evil people destroying the Rain Forests so that the selfish bastards might have someplace to grow food.
I think all 5,000 of those fliers wound up on the ground in the Sheep Meadow and the Ramble. And that relationship, alas, also did not last much longer. Note to all my readers; if you date an Ecochick, don't buy her Coach leather when her birthday arrives a week later, because it means you learned nothing at the rally -- and it only makes it worse if you say "who really gives a fuck about Earth Day, anyway?"
The final encounter was a "Legalize Pot" rally on Boston Common. I wasn't there of my own accord -- I just happened to have accidentally found the damned thing while I was sightseeing. If there is anything more stunning than the sight of the Boston P.D. standing idly by while 5 or 6-thousand lit up in a futile group attempt to Give the Entire City a Contact High (their stated goal, I gathered, an amazing amount of ambition shown by slackers, I must say), it was watching a goodly number of them lay down, or simply pass out, when they themselves got too stoned to continue standing within the massive cloud of smoke generated during the attempt. Once they were conveniently horizontal, the cops just scooped them up at their leisure.
What does any of this have to do with the Toronto Riot?
I've come to the conclusion that many people who attend most "rallies" and "protests" are the dumbest forms of life yet discovered. Most are there for some reason other than the one stated, and usually are too stupid to see that what they protested against yesterday, they've invalidated by their actions today (rail against Big Oil, fill up your gas tank). Instead, I think many go for psychological reasons; the kid who vandalizes McDonald's isn't really concerned by the plight of the Third World as much as he is guilty for all the wonderful shit he's been given -- or he's just a fucking loser trying to strike back at the world that has marginalized him. The Woman who marches with NARAL doesn't go because she actually believes Feminist garbage -- she went because her circle of girlfriends would have ostracized her if she didn't. The Pothead doesn't really want pot legalized -- because if it was, regulations would probably require the least-potent weed imaginable, and it would be taxed to the hilt -- only he's too fucking stoned to think that one through. After all, if the Fed'ral Gubmint can mandate beer with less alcohol in it than you would use to sterilize a paper cut, it can surely mandate weak Ganja as being the only sort suitable for public consumption. He went because he's fucking stoned, and doesn't know any better.
It is my opinion that if you protest against something that is, ultimately, about nothing -- like the G20, which is a complete farce -- there's more than likely something wrong with you. If you attend a protest that is, ultimately, about nothing -- like, the G20 -- and you burn police cars and riot in the streets, then you deserve a fucking face full of fucking pepper-spray, and you should stop crying about having gotten it. Actions have consequences, you know.
Toronto Police Department. Why? Because thousands of young Canadians made the hazardous voyage into downtown Toronto. (it is hazardous...I've been there) to make complete asses of themselves in order to put themselves in a position from whence to get pepper-sprayed. It's the very least the police department can do after their officers have been attacked, their cruisers set ablaze, and thousands of hemp-heads and faux-Anarchists are roaming the streets burning, looting and vandalizing everything in sight in the name of "World Peace", and stupid notions of fundamental justice.
And Ms. Blais is one of the exceedingly lucky ones, in the sense that the Toronto Police Department (or is it Ontario Provincial Police? I always forget) pretty much took the day off to let the protesters do their thing. Why, I'll bet that 99% of those protesters weren't pepper-sprayed at all. You should be proud, Ms. Blais, that the Police found you objectionable enough, what with all the rioting going on, to take the time from their overtime-pay coffee break to make the effort to do their jobs and squirt you right in the fucking kisser, Missy. Why, you were either a very easy target (I gather you were seated during your personal protest?) meaning that you made it easy, or you just really pissed them off.
On the bright side, you could just be happy that you'll now actually have a story to write for your "Journalism" class.
Everytime there's a G20 meeting, or some other political get-together where the World's Elite gather to figure out how to fuck up the planet even more, you will find protesters. Most of them are well-meaning people who actually believe that if 20,000 like-minded people get together with really spiffy signs, and clever four-words-or-less slogans (it's best if it all rhymes, they say), that the Chinese or Russian delegations might actually listen to anything you have to say. People like Barack Obama or Angela Merkel pretend to listen to you, because the Western style of politics demands that important personages at least appear to be "Men of the People", even if they really have no actual connection with the Huddled Masses, and barely think of them of actual human beings rather than as voting blocs, a source of tax money, or photo-ops.
I can promise you that even if you brought 100,000 people with signs, the Chinese will still bind women's feet, and stifle any nascent political dissent in their country with tanks and Secret police. I can almost guarantee that genocide will continue in Sudan or Rwanda, because the people there are fucking savages who can't read your signs, and who don't have televisions with which to actually see your protest, and discern your good intentions.
As far as "getting a message through to X", a protest march is all-well-and-fine, even if typically futile. It's your right, and I don't object to people trying to get their message out. However, it's usually the legions of douchebags who glom onto the well-meaning protesters' protest which often throws a monkey wrench into the whole thing. These New Age Anarchists, the Watermelons (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside), the new breed of Anti-Semites, the Older-and-Surgically-Preserved Breed of Radical Feminists, The Militant Queers, the Tinfoil Hats, and the Plain Stupid, join in these protests for a variety of reasons that usually don't have anything to do with the doings of the actual "Summit". They just show up for the Media Attention. There may have been a few tens of thousands in the streets, but most of them were probably of the "Civil Rights for Three-legged Blind Gerbils" type who more-or-less belong to entirely fringe-of-the-fringe-within-a-fringe "movements" which deal with an extremely narrow -- and often ridiculous -- issue. Those are the ones who show up on the odd chance that their sign might get 5 seconds of airtime on the nightly news, because almost any large gathering of people draws cameras, and they need to find or give moral support to the other seven people in Canada who believe in The Cause...whatever it may happen to be.
It's the smattering of assholes in there who showed up specifically to start trouble that are the problem. And those are the ones who most likely got Ms.Blais pepper-sprayed, assuming she just happened to find that grassy median a convenient place to take sit-down after a heavy afternoon's shopping, and had nothing to do with the protest at all.
Most "Anarchists" are really middle-class kids. Very well-off-upper-middle-class kids, who are a) stupid, and b) bored. Mostly they're college students who live in a world of abstracts idly tossed about by aging hippies who have even less experience of reality. Most have probably never done an honest day's work in their lives -- because Mom and Dad have provided everything -- who are drawn to the "romance" of play-acting as the Disaffected Political Streetfighter. They rail against the excesses of Capitalism (despite the fact that it's what allows them to live very comfortably; most would probably die of starvation within 15 minutes, if left to their own devices and lack of real survival skills, or ability to get e-mail), screaming their heads off about the plight of the "poor" in the "Third World". They do this dressed in their "Radical Chic" uniform of black Urban Guerillaware -- complete with the de rigeur Che Guevara t-shirt and red bandanna -- that costs a shitload of real money (after all, it's high fashion for a select clientele), probably produced in a sweatshop by some 11 year-old Nicaraguan making 3 cents a week. If she's lucky.
They rail against the "greed" of the "Evil Corporation", and yet, they take full advantage of the Evil Corporation's products; They drive or take public transport to the protest. They've organized themselves on Facebook, they use cell phones to communicate with one another and take pictures of one another like the riot was some once-in-a-lifetime event that needs to be recorded for posterity. Or, they might use Twitter to spread disinformation during the riot to make the Police look bad. They're certainly glad for the hospitals they'll need after the cops crack their skulls. Some even sport gas masks -- brought by the Gas Mask fairy, no doubt. They'll all gather at the local Starbucks, or McDonald's, three hours before their planned attack for an Egg McMuffin and a couple of double-caramel mocchiatas -- because breakfast IS The Most Important Meal of the Day. Don't worry; they'll be back to throw chunks of concrete through the store windows a few hours later.
When they're arrested, I'll bet at least half of those...ahem...tough, committed Soldiers of the People cry like bitches, and the other half huddle together in the corner of the common cell for fear of being gang raped by the "downtrodden" people they took to the streets on behalf of. No worries, though: Mom and Dad will come through with the bail money. They always do, because leaving Junior in jail overnight might damage his self-esteem.
I've had experience with three protests in my life, and when I say that, I mean a protest in which some aspect of my life was changed;
The first was sometime back in the early-90's when my then-girlfriend went to a NARAL march in Washington, D.C. I picked her up at the bus station after she had returned to Manhattan. She was exceedingly proud of herself for having attended the march and having stood up for Women's Rights. She was so exuberant that she wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, and I got tired of saying nothing but "well good for you", and not getting a word in edgewise, for near on 20 minutes. Her attempts to get me to validate her good feelings were painfully annoying; (if the conversation had been written down, she would have been finishing every paragraph with "Don't you think I've done a great thing?".With each new pronouncement of pride, my ears got just a teensy bit wearier. I asked her if she wouldn't mind talking about something else.
Needless to say, that relationship did not last much longer, for I had killed her Self-Esteem buzz.
The Second Experience was with an Earth Day celebration, with another ex-girlfriend. I didn't want to go, but I did want to get laid, so I got with The Program. The Program involved travelling to Central Park with her Hippie Girlfriend, and the Hippie Girlfriend's Pothead-25-years-older-than-she Boyfriend. So, the four of us hopped into Pothead's car for the half-mile voyage to Central Park -- a 1980's model Chevy Suburban that trailed enough oil smoke behind it for a battalion of Marines to maneuver behind, and adorned with this little gem of Eco-wisdom; A "Split Wood - Not Atoms" bumper sticker. Once we arrived at the Earth Day "Celebration" Hippie Girl and Cradle-Robbing-Pothead-Douchebag began their "work"...distributing the 5,000 printed fliers their "Green Workshop" had prepared to inform the citizens of Sodom-on-the-Hudson about the evil people destroying the Rain Forests so that the selfish bastards might have someplace to grow food.
I think all 5,000 of those fliers wound up on the ground in the Sheep Meadow and the Ramble. And that relationship, alas, also did not last much longer. Note to all my readers; if you date an Ecochick, don't buy her Coach leather when her birthday arrives a week later, because it means you learned nothing at the rally -- and it only makes it worse if you say "who really gives a fuck about Earth Day, anyway?"
The final encounter was a "Legalize Pot" rally on Boston Common. I wasn't there of my own accord -- I just happened to have accidentally found the damned thing while I was sightseeing. If there is anything more stunning than the sight of the Boston P.D. standing idly by while 5 or 6-thousand lit up in a futile group attempt to Give the Entire City a Contact High (their stated goal, I gathered, an amazing amount of ambition shown by slackers, I must say), it was watching a goodly number of them lay down, or simply pass out, when they themselves got too stoned to continue standing within the massive cloud of smoke generated during the attempt. Once they were conveniently horizontal, the cops just scooped them up at their leisure.
What does any of this have to do with the Toronto Riot?
I've come to the conclusion that many people who attend most "rallies" and "protests" are the dumbest forms of life yet discovered. Most are there for some reason other than the one stated, and usually are too stupid to see that what they protested against yesterday, they've invalidated by their actions today (rail against Big Oil, fill up your gas tank). Instead, I think many go for psychological reasons; the kid who vandalizes McDonald's isn't really concerned by the plight of the Third World as much as he is guilty for all the wonderful shit he's been given -- or he's just a fucking loser trying to strike back at the world that has marginalized him. The Woman who marches with NARAL doesn't go because she actually believes Feminist garbage -- she went because her circle of girlfriends would have ostracized her if she didn't. The Pothead doesn't really want pot legalized -- because if it was, regulations would probably require the least-potent weed imaginable, and it would be taxed to the hilt -- only he's too fucking stoned to think that one through. After all, if the Fed'ral Gubmint can mandate beer with less alcohol in it than you would use to sterilize a paper cut, it can surely mandate weak Ganja as being the only sort suitable for public consumption. He went because he's fucking stoned, and doesn't know any better.
It is my opinion that if you protest against something that is, ultimately, about nothing -- like the G20, which is a complete farce -- there's more than likely something wrong with you. If you attend a protest that is, ultimately, about nothing -- like, the G20 -- and you burn police cars and riot in the streets, then you deserve a fucking face full of fucking pepper-spray, and you should stop crying about having gotten it. Actions have consequences, you know.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Words I'd Thought I Would Never Type...
"Al Gore" and "Sex Scandal". In the same sentence. Allegedly.
Though I struggle not to form some mental picture of the Goremeister wrapped in a towel, rivulets of white, doughy flesh hanging over the tuck, my inner eye has just such an image burned into it. The very thought is profoundly disturbing, and if I don't keep my guard up, it pops, unbidden, back into my tortured mind and activates the gag reflex. I've thrown up into my own mouth so many times in the past week that no amount of toothpaste or Scope will wash away the lingering taste of involuntary bile. Even Cayenne and Jalapenos have not scoured the residue of nausea away.
The scene my subconscious insists on creating has me on the verge of committing a violent act, as if the release of all that pent up disgust and rage will somehow scrub the grey matter clean of the mental version of ring-around-the-tub. I shan't link to any of the stories floating on the Web because they'll only make you projectile vomit, but all the highlights of this sordid..ahem...affair (allegedly) are included. It's always the same unwanted vision running through the diseased landscape of my inner mind:
"...His swollen, puffy, corpulent body lay stretched out upon the masseuse table, face-down. A towel covers his flabbier parts, but he's still clenching his butt cheeks together in an attempt to leave the impression that there's still a few remnants of sinewy youth there beneath it all. His manly back, covered in a thick, Brillo-like fur, was glistening with scented oils and lotions. Somewhere in the background, Barry Manilow was softly playing; the Muzak of the Rutting Bore. Manilow knew how to make chicks cream. Al had selected it exactly for this purpose. The masseuse, a vision of early-middle-aged American womanhood -- thrice-divorced, a stray hair protruding from the mole on her chin, face frozen in a mask of permanent surprise from the combination of poor eyebrow-pencil skills and Botox, the Low-End-Store-Brand-Danny-Kaye-Auburn dye job -- leaned over the Beached Whale of an ex-Vice President in that starched, institutional-green smock that always turned him on because it reminded him so of the Good Old Days of Soviet Communism. She was rubbing away the knots and strains of the rough-and-tumble universe of The Sanctimonious Bullshit World Tour, and the absolute Roman-Coliseum Fishbowl that was the Modern Indulgence Selling that used to characterize much of pre-Reformation Christianity, but which still smelled slightly enough of capitalism that the rubes hardly even noticed.
Her strong hands, much like her donkey-like Slavic ankles, swollen from so much water-retention that she had been unable to file the Last Wedding Ring from her finger -- even though her last divorce was finalized five years before -- found a tender spot. The Gorebot winced momentarily, and then relaxed as her expert digits rubbed the tension away. He sighed, a sound that was almost half-seal-bark-half-phlegmy-rattle. She paused to pluck an errant, wire-stiff back hair or two from under her fingernail, and in that moment, the former Vice-President-in-Litigation made his move. With a great deal of grunting but less struggle than usual he had turned over on the table, and a hint of his manhood became visible as a bump under the hospital-white towel, like a miniature Washington Monument caught beneath the the thick, cold layers of another Ice Age. But that was an illusion: were it not for the triple-layered rolls of belly fat that slid past his waistline and sloughed off between his spongy, varicose-veined thighs, there just might be a whole whopping four, perhaps four-and-a quarter, inches of pulsing Inconvenient Truth lurking beneath that linen.
She was taken aback. She caught her breath, a staccato-sigh of surprise, nay, perhaps even fear. She tried not to look, but couldn't help herself; for even laying down the Vice-President's boobs were strangely bigger than her own, with great, fleshy, earth-toned nipples and the same thick, stiff hairs pointing out of them. They strangely reminded her of Sputnik for a moment, and she was caught in a web of confusion, embarrassment...and lust? She flushed and appeared faint, the first sign of the coming glow of perspiration began to darken the smock beneath her armpits. Her slightly fried-onion-y underarm scent aroused him further -- but this hunter liked to play with his prey first.
"They all react that way...at first", said Al. His dark eyes looked into hers. They were hypnotic, but she could not decide if it was because he was such a magnificent specimen of Old-Money-Hypocrite-middle-aged pork, or because even when he spoke in short sentences he was still such a dashing figure of bone-crushing boredom and banality. She stepped away from the table, but he grabbed her wrist -- gently-yet-firmly and still somehow clammy-and-slimy. She was strangely aroused and repulsed, all at once.
" You know", Al begins., "I was the Inspiration for Love Story..."
Her Drug-store false eyelashes fluttered, her face reddened, and she nervously licked at her lips. Al knew that he had her now; they all fell for that line. Tipper fell hard for it --- that and the inherited Controlling Interest in Standard Oil. So did that Naomi Wolff, that little vixen. He began to remember fondly the six...no...seven whole minutes he had held Naomi in the sodden grip of flop-sweaty passion. It had been his crowning achievement, and had infused him with a sense of manhood that he had not felt since the days when he was writing for Stars and Stripes and pretending to be fighting the War in Vietnam until Daddy could pull enough strings. He remembered the blazing fire of the assault upon Tipper's head on the campaign trail, when he appeared so passionate and devoted to her that he almost sucked her into his being as if he were sucking the Bavarian Cream from the center of a doughnut.
Yes...panting feminists and women in prisons everywhere around the world mailed him their soiled underwear for months after that. Not even Clinton got that sort of love. But that was all in the past; the future, for at least the next three-to-five minutes -- more if he could manage to contain the raging Beast Totem in the Towel -- was now there before him. She was panting now, her chest ( with one breast hanging four inches below the other, and the thick, reinforced underwire of her brassiere became visible beneath the fabric ("Steel-Belted Radials", All liked to call those. He wondered, "Front-loader or back-loader?) was heaving like the stormy North Atlantic.
The Goremeister had caused a Storm in her Maidenforms. She was dead in his sights now.
"Don't be afraid, Yummymuffins. I may have invented the Internet, but no one will know of our passion. It will be OUR guilty secret...".
She wilted at that, delivered as it was with a slight Southern drawl and that sibilant-yet-slightly-effeminate "s" of his. She was now all his. He pulled her closer and began to negotiate the towel so that his throbbing, massive-relative-to-your-average-cocker-spaniel Pelvis Bazooka -- the Green Hornet, as he liked to call it -- could be unleashed in all of it's glory. Yes...she was well-and-truly his, and She would be yet another notch in his ever-expanding belt. There was a flash, like lightning. A quick stirring in his loins, an explosion of ecstasy that caused white-hot spots to float before his eyes, and which made him slightly dizzy thanks to the Watered-Down-Canadian-Healthcare System Viagra he had been taking, and he had marked her forever with a hot load of Environmentally-friendly Man-Milk...all over that sexy-as-a-Phony-Carbon-Credit-Sold-Under-False-Pretenses (allegedly) starched smock. "Mark your territory well", Bill had always told him. It was a valuable lesson. He held her gaze for another seven, maybe ten seconds, so that she could bask in the afterglow. All women needed to bask. Al knew this, being the quiet, passionate, unselfish type who always saw to a woman's needs.
"I'll bet you keep that smock forever, Snugglelumps. No one does it like ManBearPig". She sighed, and was about to speak. "No...not another word about it", he said as he pressed his thoroughly-gooey finger gently across her lips. "We must part now, and keep our Runaway Passion a secret, for those parts of the planet that manage to avoid being flooded by sea-level rise, de-forested by the Inhumanity of Mankind, the shores piled waist-deep in drowned polar bears, all destroyed in the Name of the Internal Combustion Engine, burned to the ground by Acid Rain, or frosted over by the Next Ice Age could never understand what passes between us...".
With that, Al Gore, The Love-em-and-Leave-'Em Ambassador of Mother Gaia, wiped his sexed-up hand upon her cheek, hitched his towel back into place, and in a motion that was reminiscent of a crippled walrus trying to refloat itself from a shingle beach, swung the massive U.S.D.A. Grade-A hamhocks he called legs off the table, and waddled to the door, leaving a tangled mat of greasy back hairs on the smooth, vinyl surface of the table. An Oil Slick of Romance. He paused to give her one last, piercing come-hither look from his watery-yet-still-somehow-smouldering eyes, that bulged out from beneath his Just-for-Men-treated eyebrows, only to find that she was vomiting copiously upon the floor.
It was always the same. Al always had that effect on women; he made them all sooooo fucking hot -- hotter than a rapidly-heating atmosphere burdened with the excess carbon dioxide of a civilization intent upon it's own doom -- that their bodies just could not withstand the onslaught. Now that his Inner-Beast had been Unleashed, he set about seeking more nubile prey. There must be a sixty-plus-year-old T.V. satirist's wife just dying to be Gored by Gore...."
And now you know why I've been puking for a week...
Me and my goddamned imagination! I won't sleep for a year.
Though I struggle not to form some mental picture of the Goremeister wrapped in a towel, rivulets of white, doughy flesh hanging over the tuck, my inner eye has just such an image burned into it. The very thought is profoundly disturbing, and if I don't keep my guard up, it pops, unbidden, back into my tortured mind and activates the gag reflex. I've thrown up into my own mouth so many times in the past week that no amount of toothpaste or Scope will wash away the lingering taste of involuntary bile. Even Cayenne and Jalapenos have not scoured the residue of nausea away.
The scene my subconscious insists on creating has me on the verge of committing a violent act, as if the release of all that pent up disgust and rage will somehow scrub the grey matter clean of the mental version of ring-around-the-tub. I shan't link to any of the stories floating on the Web because they'll only make you projectile vomit, but all the highlights of this sordid..ahem...affair (allegedly) are included. It's always the same unwanted vision running through the diseased landscape of my inner mind:
"...His swollen, puffy, corpulent body lay stretched out upon the masseuse table, face-down. A towel covers his flabbier parts, but he's still clenching his butt cheeks together in an attempt to leave the impression that there's still a few remnants of sinewy youth there beneath it all. His manly back, covered in a thick, Brillo-like fur, was glistening with scented oils and lotions. Somewhere in the background, Barry Manilow was softly playing; the Muzak of the Rutting Bore. Manilow knew how to make chicks cream. Al had selected it exactly for this purpose. The masseuse, a vision of early-middle-aged American womanhood -- thrice-divorced, a stray hair protruding from the mole on her chin, face frozen in a mask of permanent surprise from the combination of poor eyebrow-pencil skills and Botox, the Low-End-Store-Brand-Danny-Kaye-Auburn dye job -- leaned over the Beached Whale of an ex-Vice President in that starched, institutional-green smock that always turned him on because it reminded him so of the Good Old Days of Soviet Communism. She was rubbing away the knots and strains of the rough-and-tumble universe of The Sanctimonious Bullshit World Tour, and the absolute Roman-Coliseum Fishbowl that was the Modern Indulgence Selling that used to characterize much of pre-Reformation Christianity, but which still smelled slightly enough of capitalism that the rubes hardly even noticed.
Her strong hands, much like her donkey-like Slavic ankles, swollen from so much water-retention that she had been unable to file the Last Wedding Ring from her finger -- even though her last divorce was finalized five years before -- found a tender spot. The Gorebot winced momentarily, and then relaxed as her expert digits rubbed the tension away. He sighed, a sound that was almost half-seal-bark-half-phlegmy-rattle. She paused to pluck an errant, wire-stiff back hair or two from under her fingernail, and in that moment, the former Vice-President-in-Litigation made his move. With a great deal of grunting but less struggle than usual he had turned over on the table, and a hint of his manhood became visible as a bump under the hospital-white towel, like a miniature Washington Monument caught beneath the the thick, cold layers of another Ice Age. But that was an illusion: were it not for the triple-layered rolls of belly fat that slid past his waistline and sloughed off between his spongy, varicose-veined thighs, there just might be a whole whopping four, perhaps four-and-a quarter, inches of pulsing Inconvenient Truth lurking beneath that linen.
She was taken aback. She caught her breath, a staccato-sigh of surprise, nay, perhaps even fear. She tried not to look, but couldn't help herself; for even laying down the Vice-President's boobs were strangely bigger than her own, with great, fleshy, earth-toned nipples and the same thick, stiff hairs pointing out of them. They strangely reminded her of Sputnik for a moment, and she was caught in a web of confusion, embarrassment...and lust? She flushed and appeared faint, the first sign of the coming glow of perspiration began to darken the smock beneath her armpits. Her slightly fried-onion-y underarm scent aroused him further -- but this hunter liked to play with his prey first.
"They all react that way...at first", said Al. His dark eyes looked into hers. They were hypnotic, but she could not decide if it was because he was such a magnificent specimen of Old-Money-Hypocrite-middle-aged pork, or because even when he spoke in short sentences he was still such a dashing figure of bone-crushing boredom and banality. She stepped away from the table, but he grabbed her wrist -- gently-yet-firmly and still somehow clammy-and-slimy. She was strangely aroused and repulsed, all at once.
" You know", Al begins., "I was the Inspiration for Love Story..."
Her Drug-store false eyelashes fluttered, her face reddened, and she nervously licked at her lips. Al knew that he had her now; they all fell for that line. Tipper fell hard for it --- that and the inherited Controlling Interest in Standard Oil. So did that Naomi Wolff, that little vixen. He began to remember fondly the six...no...seven whole minutes he had held Naomi in the sodden grip of flop-sweaty passion. It had been his crowning achievement, and had infused him with a sense of manhood that he had not felt since the days when he was writing for Stars and Stripes and pretending to be fighting the War in Vietnam until Daddy could pull enough strings. He remembered the blazing fire of the assault upon Tipper's head on the campaign trail, when he appeared so passionate and devoted to her that he almost sucked her into his being as if he were sucking the Bavarian Cream from the center of a doughnut.
Yes...panting feminists and women in prisons everywhere around the world mailed him their soiled underwear for months after that. Not even Clinton got that sort of love. But that was all in the past; the future, for at least the next three-to-five minutes -- more if he could manage to contain the raging Beast Totem in the Towel -- was now there before him. She was panting now, her chest ( with one breast hanging four inches below the other, and the thick, reinforced underwire of her brassiere became visible beneath the fabric ("Steel-Belted Radials", All liked to call those. He wondered, "Front-loader or back-loader?) was heaving like the stormy North Atlantic.
The Goremeister had caused a Storm in her Maidenforms. She was dead in his sights now.
"Don't be afraid, Yummymuffins. I may have invented the Internet, but no one will know of our passion. It will be OUR guilty secret...".
She wilted at that, delivered as it was with a slight Southern drawl and that sibilant-yet-slightly-effeminate "s" of his. She was now all his. He pulled her closer and began to negotiate the towel so that his throbbing, massive-relative-to-your-average-cocker-spaniel Pelvis Bazooka -- the Green Hornet, as he liked to call it -- could be unleashed in all of it's glory. Yes...she was well-and-truly his, and She would be yet another notch in his ever-expanding belt. There was a flash, like lightning. A quick stirring in his loins, an explosion of ecstasy that caused white-hot spots to float before his eyes, and which made him slightly dizzy thanks to the Watered-Down-Canadian-Healthcare System Viagra he had been taking, and he had marked her forever with a hot load of Environmentally-friendly Man-Milk...all over that sexy-as-a-Phony-Carbon-Credit-Sold-Under-False-Pretenses (allegedly) starched smock. "Mark your territory well", Bill had always told him. It was a valuable lesson. He held her gaze for another seven, maybe ten seconds, so that she could bask in the afterglow. All women needed to bask. Al knew this, being the quiet, passionate, unselfish type who always saw to a woman's needs.
"I'll bet you keep that smock forever, Snugglelumps. No one does it like ManBearPig". She sighed, and was about to speak. "No...not another word about it", he said as he pressed his thoroughly-gooey finger gently across her lips. "We must part now, and keep our Runaway Passion a secret, for those parts of the planet that manage to avoid being flooded by sea-level rise, de-forested by the Inhumanity of Mankind, the shores piled waist-deep in drowned polar bears, all destroyed in the Name of the Internal Combustion Engine, burned to the ground by Acid Rain, or frosted over by the Next Ice Age could never understand what passes between us...".
With that, Al Gore, The Love-em-and-Leave-'Em Ambassador of Mother Gaia, wiped his sexed-up hand upon her cheek, hitched his towel back into place, and in a motion that was reminiscent of a crippled walrus trying to refloat itself from a shingle beach, swung the massive U.S.D.A. Grade-A hamhocks he called legs off the table, and waddled to the door, leaving a tangled mat of greasy back hairs on the smooth, vinyl surface of the table. An Oil Slick of Romance. He paused to give her one last, piercing come-hither look from his watery-yet-still-somehow-smouldering eyes, that bulged out from beneath his Just-for-Men-treated eyebrows, only to find that she was vomiting copiously upon the floor.
It was always the same. Al always had that effect on women; he made them all sooooo fucking hot -- hotter than a rapidly-heating atmosphere burdened with the excess carbon dioxide of a civilization intent upon it's own doom -- that their bodies just could not withstand the onslaught. Now that his Inner-Beast had been Unleashed, he set about seeking more nubile prey. There must be a sixty-plus-year-old T.V. satirist's wife just dying to be Gored by Gore...."
And now you know why I've been puking for a week...
Me and my goddamned imagination! I won't sleep for a year.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Yelling at Assholes Doesn't Really Work...
You know, when I started to put my mental vomit on a page years ago it was with the intention of having a place where I could basically scream at the top of my lungs. It was supposed to be a vehicle with which to express my innermost madness without hurting anyone (and by that, I mean by allowing me to vent without giving me the opportunity to punch someone in the mouth). It was supposed to be part therapy, part diary, part mental cesspool. In some ways. it's accomplished it's mission; any sane person reading this might actually be shocked by some of the stuff I've written here (yes, I DO think this way, and I'm fuckin' proud of it!), and it does, more or less, reflect a lot of the inner turmoil I've felt for the last decade.
Reading through past posts, I'm beginning to see patterns emerge; I can see when I was drunk and blogging. I can see when I was zonked on Xanax and blogging. I can see when I was in full panic mode and writing everything that entered my head in a scattershot manner, like the words were spewing from a firehouse that I couldn't control. You can see my "Life is Going to Shit" phase, and my "Hey, I'm Still Optimistic" period. Lately, I've noticed that my posts tend to not only be much more cynical than usual, but also convey a sense of intense bitterness and disappointment. And yes I'll admit it for those who haven't gotten it yet; I think everyone NOT named Me is a complete and utter Fucktard, so yeah, the tone has always been condescending and often vicious.
I can't help it; I'm surrounded by Assholes. If you were surrounded by Assholes -- Assholes who, in many cases, had the ability to affect major aspects of your life -- you'd be convinced that everyone on planet Earth was a Asshole Fucktard who was sent here specifically to disappoint you, annoy you, torment you and eventually, try your sanity. You'd be angry, too.
Well, I've finally come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, short of horrific acts of mass murder, I'm stuck with the Assholes. I've tried to reason with them, but it doesn't work. I've tried to ignore them and keep them at arm's length, but then they just manage to find other ways in which to torment me. It's like playing Asshole Whack-a-Mole; no sooner do I smack one down, than another appears in another location. Yelling at them certainly doesn't work. I think that, more than anything, was why I started this thing -- to yell at the Assholes, and to let them know they were Assholes. It hasn't been very effective.
I mean, the only thing worse than an Asshole who doesn't realize he's an Asshole, is an Asshole who doesn't listen to you when you try to tell him how big an Asshole he really is, or even worse, one who gets resentful when you finally DO manage to convince him of his colossal...umm....rectum-tude.
It doesn't matter how often or forcefully I scream from this platform, no change will ever come about. The Twenty-first Century now belongs to the Assholes. The combination of Government and Technology has made it possible for even the dumbest, slowest, laziest, dimmest Asshole in the United States to not only manage to survive, but to even prosper, without even having to try. They simply take up space. They somehow manage to breathe without mechanical assistance. They don't even require the same awareness you'd expect to find in the average amoeba. They can operate X-Boxes, iPods, and DTV's, but the overwhelming majority know nothing of Churchill, Paracelsus, Goethe, Ovid, Copernicus, or Herodotus. Most couldn't find their own asses with both hands and a road map, and yet they manage to decide the course of nations and history,
I wouldn't trust most people as having the intelligence not to stick hatpins in their own eyes without a great big red warning sticker on 'em. Yet, somehow, these are the people that everyone wants, in fact, NEEDS to exist; advertisers and governments spend billions to reach them. Politicians pander to them. The Pharmaceutical industry creates expensive, often toxic, drugs to treat their every ache, pain and minor discomfort. The Educational Establishment has dumbed down every curriculum for them. Political correctness infects every layer of society, depriving them of the ability to exercise judgement, or free speech, and in many cases, even robbing them of the ability to THINK at all. They are simply a population of protoplasm with legs; obsessed with their abs, the size of their Plasma tv's (more colors and detail available than your eyes can even see!) , their cars, sports, The Real Housewives and American Idol, the Lottery and Brangelina. It's a population that continues to believe in Global Warming while it's great Guru purchases beachfront property he insists will be underwater in a decade, it was desperate enough to swallow "Yes We Can".
It's a population so obsessed with the erection and incontinence that it turns what seems a quarter of it's broadcast day over to adverts for Little Blue Pills and adult diapers. That's when the time hasn't been devoted to the freshest douche, the best toilet cleaner or toilet paper, vaginal dryness, leaky bladders, constipation, and hemorrhoids. There's a direct correlation between the apparent obsessions of the Average American Asshole, and the truism that "Pissing, Shitting and Fucking all take place within Three Inches of One Another", only you can add "Thinking" to that list, as well, apparently. The Walking Protoplasm is obsessed with it's Nether Regions and what goes in, or comes out, of them. It's all mindless. It's no matter the world is like it is; look who it's been created for!
So, I'm not going to yell at them anymore. You might as well scream at an anthill for all the good it does. I will still continue to point out that this planet is infected by Assholes, and to point to the more obvious examples of Homo Assholus, but I shan't be yelling anymore. It simply doesn't work for lack of enough people with any brainpower.
Reading through past posts, I'm beginning to see patterns emerge; I can see when I was drunk and blogging. I can see when I was zonked on Xanax and blogging. I can see when I was in full panic mode and writing everything that entered my head in a scattershot manner, like the words were spewing from a firehouse that I couldn't control. You can see my "Life is Going to Shit" phase, and my "Hey, I'm Still Optimistic" period. Lately, I've noticed that my posts tend to not only be much more cynical than usual, but also convey a sense of intense bitterness and disappointment. And yes I'll admit it for those who haven't gotten it yet; I think everyone NOT named Me is a complete and utter Fucktard, so yeah, the tone has always been condescending and often vicious.
I can't help it; I'm surrounded by Assholes. If you were surrounded by Assholes -- Assholes who, in many cases, had the ability to affect major aspects of your life -- you'd be convinced that everyone on planet Earth was a Asshole Fucktard who was sent here specifically to disappoint you, annoy you, torment you and eventually, try your sanity. You'd be angry, too.
Well, I've finally come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, short of horrific acts of mass murder, I'm stuck with the Assholes. I've tried to reason with them, but it doesn't work. I've tried to ignore them and keep them at arm's length, but then they just manage to find other ways in which to torment me. It's like playing Asshole Whack-a-Mole; no sooner do I smack one down, than another appears in another location. Yelling at them certainly doesn't work. I think that, more than anything, was why I started this thing -- to yell at the Assholes, and to let them know they were Assholes. It hasn't been very effective.
I mean, the only thing worse than an Asshole who doesn't realize he's an Asshole, is an Asshole who doesn't listen to you when you try to tell him how big an Asshole he really is, or even worse, one who gets resentful when you finally DO manage to convince him of his colossal...umm....rectum-tude.
It doesn't matter how often or forcefully I scream from this platform, no change will ever come about. The Twenty-first Century now belongs to the Assholes. The combination of Government and Technology has made it possible for even the dumbest, slowest, laziest, dimmest Asshole in the United States to not only manage to survive, but to even prosper, without even having to try. They simply take up space. They somehow manage to breathe without mechanical assistance. They don't even require the same awareness you'd expect to find in the average amoeba. They can operate X-Boxes, iPods, and DTV's, but the overwhelming majority know nothing of Churchill, Paracelsus, Goethe, Ovid, Copernicus, or Herodotus. Most couldn't find their own asses with both hands and a road map, and yet they manage to decide the course of nations and history,
I wouldn't trust most people as having the intelligence not to stick hatpins in their own eyes without a great big red warning sticker on 'em. Yet, somehow, these are the people that everyone wants, in fact, NEEDS to exist; advertisers and governments spend billions to reach them. Politicians pander to them. The Pharmaceutical industry creates expensive, often toxic, drugs to treat their every ache, pain and minor discomfort. The Educational Establishment has dumbed down every curriculum for them. Political correctness infects every layer of society, depriving them of the ability to exercise judgement, or free speech, and in many cases, even robbing them of the ability to THINK at all. They are simply a population of protoplasm with legs; obsessed with their abs, the size of their Plasma tv's (more colors and detail available than your eyes can even see!) , their cars, sports, The Real Housewives and American Idol, the Lottery and Brangelina. It's a population that continues to believe in Global Warming while it's great Guru purchases beachfront property he insists will be underwater in a decade, it was desperate enough to swallow "Yes We Can".
It's a population so obsessed with the erection and incontinence that it turns what seems a quarter of it's broadcast day over to adverts for Little Blue Pills and adult diapers. That's when the time hasn't been devoted to the freshest douche, the best toilet cleaner or toilet paper, vaginal dryness, leaky bladders, constipation, and hemorrhoids. There's a direct correlation between the apparent obsessions of the Average American Asshole, and the truism that "Pissing, Shitting and Fucking all take place within Three Inches of One Another", only you can add "Thinking" to that list, as well, apparently. The Walking Protoplasm is obsessed with it's Nether Regions and what goes in, or comes out, of them. It's all mindless. It's no matter the world is like it is; look who it's been created for!
So, I'm not going to yell at them anymore. You might as well scream at an anthill for all the good it does. I will still continue to point out that this planet is infected by Assholes, and to point to the more obvious examples of Homo Assholus, but I shan't be yelling anymore. It simply doesn't work for lack of enough people with any brainpower.
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Circle of Poo...
One of them Global Warming morons has published a theory that whales crapping in the ocean are vital to protecting Mother Gaia from the dreadful effects of that made-up-scientific-abortion-that-made-Al-Gore fabulously-wealthy.
Apparently, whale shit contains a high concentration of iron, which it gets from the krill that whales eat, which when digested and expelled becomes food for the phytoplankton which the krill themselves eat. Phytoplankton, besides having terrible taste in entrees, absorb carbon dioxide. The theory goes that if you let phytoplankton populations explode -- by increasing the amount of baleen whale crap in the oceans -- the whales will clean up the planet by shitting all over the oceans. The phytoplankton eat the shit, the krill eat the phytoplankton, and the whales eat the krill in larger numbers, and leave bigger and more numerous turds, which leads to more carbon-dioxide-absorbing phytoplankton, and so on and so on.
Eventually, it just somehow seems appropriate that some "solution" to this bullshit "problem" would just have to include the heftier and more voluminous shit of a much larger animal.
Anyways, the scientists who did this study only collected 27 samples of baleen whale excrement, which seems to me to be a very small sample, indeed, upon which to base any scientific estimate, conclusion, or theory, but then again, I'm not a scientist getting a...ahem...shitload...of taxpayer money to scour the oceans for whale poop who has a gravy train to justify.
Maybe it's just really difficult to recover whale crap? Anyways, this sounds more like an excuse to put an end to whaling than it does sound science.
I'm reminded of this classic episode of South Park.
If two slacker cartoonists figured this stuff out years ago, why did it need a scientist with government funding to study it again?
It wouldn't surprise me if that episode wasn't the inspiration for the whole study in the first place.
(H/T To SouthParkStudios.com. Thank you Trey Parker and Matt Stone!)
Apparently, whale shit contains a high concentration of iron, which it gets from the krill that whales eat, which when digested and expelled becomes food for the phytoplankton which the krill themselves eat. Phytoplankton, besides having terrible taste in entrees, absorb carbon dioxide. The theory goes that if you let phytoplankton populations explode -- by increasing the amount of baleen whale crap in the oceans -- the whales will clean up the planet by shitting all over the oceans. The phytoplankton eat the shit, the krill eat the phytoplankton, and the whales eat the krill in larger numbers, and leave bigger and more numerous turds, which leads to more carbon-dioxide-absorbing phytoplankton, and so on and so on.
Eventually, it just somehow seems appropriate that some "solution" to this bullshit "problem" would just have to include the heftier and more voluminous shit of a much larger animal.
Anyways, the scientists who did this study only collected 27 samples of baleen whale excrement, which seems to me to be a very small sample, indeed, upon which to base any scientific estimate, conclusion, or theory, but then again, I'm not a scientist getting a...ahem...shitload...of taxpayer money to scour the oceans for whale poop who has a gravy train to justify.
Maybe it's just really difficult to recover whale crap? Anyways, this sounds more like an excuse to put an end to whaling than it does sound science.
I'm reminded of this classic episode of South Park.
If two slacker cartoonists figured this stuff out years ago, why did it need a scientist with government funding to study it again?
It wouldn't surprise me if that episode wasn't the inspiration for the whole study in the first place.
(H/T To SouthParkStudios.com. Thank you Trey Parker and Matt Stone!)
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