The Anticipation is Killing Me...

I hate waiting. I am the most impatient man, I think, the world has ever known. Particularly when it comes to having to wait in order to rid myself of a nuisance.

Why is it that time flies when we're having fun, but absolutely crawls when it comes to getting rid of  bad presidents?

This agonizing wait is reminiscent of those days of early childhood, when Christmas couldn't come soon enough, and when an afternoon was sometimes spent in anticipation of a visit from the Ice Cream truck. The bells and tinny music would be audible for miles before the truck actually arrived, and you wondered if the truck would ever get here so that you could buy your Bomb Pop and a Yoo-Hoo

Something To Keep Y'All Busy...

I will be quite busy for the next few days, and shall not be stopping in to blog. I know...it's sad, ain't it? There's a few familial obligations to attend to this weekend, and a whole lot of 'networking' to be done at a few so-called Job Fairs, which are more like cattle calls for gray-haired, middle-aged male PhD's and MBA's who are apparently so desperate for a job that they'll sink to selling Green Energy door-to-door.

Been there, and done that. Oh, and of the two so-called Job Fairs or Job Seminars that I've been to in the past two weeks, they're all selling the same type of job;

You work on a "commission-based system"  (that is, for free) for a company that is a fly-by-night subsidiary of a Fortune 1000 that doesn't want to hire you because you cost too much -- what with Social Security taxes, unemployment insurance and fucking ObamaCare. Hopefully, you manage to sell whatever bullshit product they're pushing -- it's such a good product that the company doesn't dare send out it's professional, full-time-pay salesmen to do it for fear of taking them away from the actual lucrative products they normally sell -- to at least recoup your bus fare this week while you're "getting the hang of the sales' thing", and in the meantime, the "company" is either sold without a word, the government-financing runs out, or it goes into bankruptcy, always unexpectedly.

No wonder 30 million people have given up looking for a job.


Anyways, to help keep you entertained for at least a few minutes, I've collected some bits of news and some links for you.to look over. This is all stuff I normally would have blogged about, but for the time constraints and the busy past week, and soon-to-be busier week to come. Enjoy!

Jammie Wearing Fool has moved. Like an idiot, I did not know this. I used to visit JWF just about every day, but then forgot they existed. Which was a big mistake! Visit them today, and have a look-see, or else something seriously bad might happen to your pet Yorkie in the dead of night. Blogroll, belatedly, updated.

Also, it's good to see that Greasywrench has returned to blogging after a long hiatus. You should visit his site, too, if only because you never can quite tell who it was that accidentally-on-purpose cut your brake lines because you didn't. Grease was once an avid supporter of this diseased rant, and this is where I get to pay him off. Go visit.

It goes without saying that if you're STILL not reading Iowahawk regularly then you deserve a big, sloppy tongue kiss from Nancy Pelosi...post her garlic chicken and fried onion luncheon, and only then, after she's licked her own balls as only your dog can.This week's fare is a rib-ticklin' funny-but-sadly-all-too-true Masterpiece of sarcasm and satire.


The American Spectator goes to the Heart of the Sickness Within the Obama Administration. A must-read for those of you who still haven't grapsed the amateurish depravity, or detected the simple-minded, mile-wide Leftoid Fucktard streak in President Odoofus that causes him to go all gay and shit.

John Derbyshire tells the truth about The Establishment Right (and you know who you are, Rich Lowry, and the rest of the frat-boy wing of the conservative movement!). I did not know Derb was ill, and wish him well. I am a big fan from his days at National Review. Between the trust-fund-prep-school Right and the Godbots, this GOP of ours is gonna be royally screwed up one day.

We finish things off, appropriately enough, with a double dose of Professor Hanson. First on just why California is royally screwed if Obama remains in power (as if that wasn't obvious enough?), and then with a classic explanation of why Barack Obama will lose the rhetorical war -- and the election -- to Mitt Romney.

I know there's more that has happened this week, but I'm kinda swamped. Promise that next week I'll get on some things (like the Obama Administration airbrushing the biographies of other Presidents to make their man look like he has clue-fucking-one), and I'll have something to say about snoring...yes, you read that right: Snoring.

See you next week.

UPDATE: Apologies, but on the John Derbyshire thing: you need to read a few of his columns back (and read this here column that started the whole thing) to get the entire gist of it. Derb apparently was denounced by his former "friends" at National Review for...gasp!...speaking his mind on matters of race. Which lead one reader to wonder (paraphrased) "Why do the people at National Review even bother to grovel on questions of race when they will only be called racists, anyway?"

Of Catholics and Contraceptives...

On the newfangled-and-iron-fisted idea that Barack Obama (supposedly a Constitutional Scholar? Go figure!) and a bunch of died-in-the-wool Libtards can force the Catholic Church to provide contraceptives and abortion benefits for it's employees in violation of the First Amendment, I have the following thing to say:

Barack Obama can force the Church to provide the Morning-After Pill to it's employees just as soon as:

Obama mandates that every mosque in America should allow unfettered access to it's grounds, members and records by the FBI,24/7/365.

Socialism With a Smiley Face...

Green Energy is all about Wasting Energy…and Cash.

So no one should be taken by complete surprise that yet another Obama-administration-backed Green Energy company is about to get flushed down the toilet, but only after it has wiped it's ass with millions of taxpayer dollars.

Solyndra, Obama, and Socialist Managerialism...

With regards to our current political and economic circumstances, the question has been asked repeatedly: Is Barack Obama a Socialist?

Barack Obama's First 2012 Campaign Ad...

You Should Love $5 Gas America, Because It Means Shorter Lines at the Airport...or something.

You'll still have to show up three hours early for your two-hour flight, but at least the TSA groping will be, mercifully, shorter.

Who the hell writes these things? That's like saying "The Clap is Awesome, because getting it is usually so much fun..."

Then again, you can tell that this was written by a Watermelon EnvironMENTAList (Green on the outside, Red on the inside) because all the 'upside' of $5 gas is shit that only matters to a bubbleheaded douchebag, like 'greater demand for higher mileage cars'. What sort of bullshit it that?

That's supposed to be a tangible benefit of $5 gas that will truly affect people's lives in a positive way?

And MSN tried to pass this off as a business article, too?

Green Energy is a Scam...

British taxpayers pay Scottish Wind Farms NOT to generate Electricty.

My American ex-pat bud in Watford, England told me about this yesterday, and he was incensed.

By the way, contrary to the assertion made by the screaming doofus quoted in the article, there is no such thing as a 'storage facility' for electricity; it's an on-demand commodity, and if you produce more than you use, the excess is wasted. It cannot be 'stored' like grain, water, or winter clothing.

But here's yet one more reason to finally come to the conclusion that Green Energy is a scam; the wind farm gets paid when it produces, but it also gets paid -- 20 times more-- to shut down, and I can promise you that all those windmills were paid for by a government subsidy (i.e. paid for by taxpayer money, with the taxpayer having no say in how the funds were spent).

Here's how the Green Energy Scam works:

Some douchebag screams about Greenhouse gasses and Global Warming and impending environmental doom.

Then some bigger douchebag, usually with a title like 'Minister of Parliament' or 'Congressman' figures there's some money to made here, or at least votes, and the possibility of getting some good PR.

The MP and the Congressroach get their rich buddies together (I think they call them 'constituents') and they craft a Green Energy Policy, a dire necessity if we're all to avoid dying of a really nasty sunburn or melting ice caps, and since the Private Sector -- i.e. people with brains who put them to use so as to make themselves rich -- won't invest in it (the return ain't worth it), then the Government simply must, as a last resort. It's the duty of the government to 'protect' it's citizens against the possibility of changing climate, you see, while neglecting to tell them that the same government can do jack shit if a comet were to be on collision course with the planet, every volcano on Earth blew at the same time, or some virus evolved into a Super-Bug that gave us all polka-dotted skin and jock itch before killing us, but no matter.

The 'Government', usually via closed-door session, or by the clever alternative of slipping a provision at the last minute into a absolutely humongous bill that no one ever bothers to read before voting on it, grabs billions in taxpayer funds to subsidize Green Energy Companies. Green Energy Companies, by the way, which the MP's or Congresscritter's friends, start -- at least on paper -- in expectation of a massive government grant.

The MP's and Congressdouche's friends might build a few windmills, shuffle some official papers about, and go through the motions of appearing to be a real company providing a real service to real customers, all the while reaping huge benefits in terms of further subsidies, grants, tax benefits, and the extraordinarily-and-purposely vague and ridiculous terms of contracts written with government aid that still allow them to get paid -- by the taxpayer -- handsomely whether they actually produce anything, or not.

In a few years, when the REAL energy companies (utilities, oil companies, etc)  get...ahem...wind...of how lucrative this windfarm scheme is, they simply make a takeover bid for the comeptition, and more cash changes hands, The instigators of the scam have gotten paid fifty times over, the public gets the shaft (because even if Exxon-Mobil now owns the windfarm, it's operating it under the same conditions as the previous owner -- i.e. get paid, no matter what), and your MP or Congressfucker gets a little on the side because they were the first people called when the IPO hits the market, and the first to know when the takeover offer is made so that they can get in and out of the stock at just the right time as to make a fortune.

The downside is that your electric bills go up, the government passes more regulations to screw your life up in order to protect what they have created, and your taxes continue to rise. Your life isn;t improved in any meaningful way, and guess what? All the talk about saving the environment was just that; talk. Because the people who can be counted upon to make the loudest noises about being Green are the people who usually know the absolute least...about everything.

Now You Know Why that Stimulus Bill Didn't Work...

...because the money is going to China.

Rhode Island Wind Farm will use turbines Made in China, paid for by Stimulus Funds.

Really? I mean, Rhode Island is so small you could probably power the entire state with half a dozen hamsters running in wheels attached to an Our-Gang-style, jury-rigged generator. And who knew they had sewage systems in Rhode Island? I thought it was just Massachusetts' parking lot.

This story is problematic -- and typical of government 'solutions' to any problem, because:

a) Green Energy sources, especially windmills, don't work as they are dependant upon a fuel which is largely unpredictable or expensive to create or capture, in this case, the Wind. Wind power is not practical as a primary power source, and in addition it kills off birds in great numbers (birds being too stupid to avoid flying into whirling turbine blades, or to avoid falling out of nests built on the towers), which sorta-kinda defeats it's supposed ecological benefits.

b) I wonder what Jeff Immelt over at GE thinks about his asshole-buddy relationship with the Obama Administration now? I thought we made wind turbines here in America, unless the American brand -- heavily subsidized by tax dollars -- is still too damned expensive (probably because of Union Wage scales) to be bought by Americans. I reckon Jeff figured that having paid enough of his shareholder's money to get into Obama's good graces,and having his broadcast arms (NBC and (P)MSNBC) practically get Obama elected without doing as much as a single investigative piece on him, that GE was entitled to every dollar the government intends to waste.

Sometimes, Jeffy, when you lie down with -- and kiss the asses of -- dogs, you wake up with fleas...and a really bad taste in your mouth.

c) EnvironMENTALism is simply Socialism in better packaging. Not only are we now implementing a regime of 'renewable energy' which is part of a grander scheme of redistributing wealth all over the planet at our expense, we're paying Communists to help us to do it.

d) If Rhode Island needed three windmills -- to pump shit through a pipe -- why didn't the taxpayers of that state just pay for it themselves? Maybe because that would have meant the state couldn't spend that money on bi-lingual education or funding abortions. Priorities, and all that.

EnvironMENTALism is the New Socialism; it's basic aim is to arrest the technical development of the Industrialized World (by restricting it's use of energy and by pouring billions of dollars into largely-useless and wasteful initiatives) which will allow the Third World -- largely exempt from the Carbon Control Scheme -- to 'catch up', thus bringing about Socialism in effect. It operates by pulling one society down, while allowing another to make incremental-and-unregulated surges upwards, and so, artificially aims to 'equal' everyone out without having to toss a violent revolution to achieve any of it. Of course, all this really means is that Western economies, through Green Energy initiatives, Carbon Control regimes, international treaties and U.N. Mandates, will be economically hamstrung until everyone in Katmandu, New Guinea or the Congo, can afford an iPad and at least half a meal a day, while the West will have committed Economic and Social suicide under the banner of "saving the environment".

The purpose of Green Energy projects is to basically waste resources that otherwise would have been spent by individual consumers or taxpayers to increase their standards of living and quality of life, and thus, increase the distinctions based on wealth between peoples. Building windmills is fundamentally the same as baking a million loaves of bread -- and then setting them on fire. It's the equivalent of catching a few billion fish and then dumping them back into the sea. Energy is expended, resources are used up, labor is wasted, capital is spent... and no one benefits from it.

Except the Chinese who get paid for the windmills, the politicians who took the bribes to make sure the Chinese got the contract, and the doofus in the Serengetti who, if his standard of living hasn't been raised, as least has the smug satisfaction of knowing that his American counterpart hasn't gotten any richer or more comfortable.

That is, after all, what Socialism is all about: it's all about fear, and guilt, and envy, all wrapped up in a nice,shiny package emblazoned with the words like "Equality!" and "Plenty!", and all it can really guarantee is that there's Plenty of squalor to be Equally distributed. Now that's REAL Equality: we can all starve to death at the same speed.

Why do you think it is that every Socialist regime in history comes with a Secret Police and a system of Gulags, after all?

So, while we'll all be equally miserable, if the Watermelons (Green on the outside, Red on the inside) have their way, we can at least console ourselves with the thought that our initial motive was high-minded...

...and that Rhode Island has a wind-powered sewage treatment plant just at the point in history when indoor plumbing becomes a thing of the past, seeing as how bankrupt and homeless Americans will all soon be living in cardboard boxes in the woods because their government spent their hard-earned tax dollars to give the Chinese jobs at their expense.

Until the Watermelons start complaining that all those people living in the woods are destroying the ecosystem, of course. The government of Rhode Island will probably respond to that next environmental crisis by outsourcing the roundup and transport of it's citizens to the concentration camps to Russia, or something.

It's probably the one service GE doesn't provide, and I hear The Russkies are really good at that sort of thing.

"Why Don't My Solar Panels Work?"

That was the question asked by one of my neighbors yesterday, whilst discussing the increasing cost of electricity. This neighbor had taken advantage of one of those Obama Administration Green Energy Boondoggles, and had a series of solar panels installed on her roof at great expense, but still saw her utility bills dramatically rise.

Her general belief was that with the simple installation of solar panels, she would be getting "free" electricity in return. That's the first mistake she made, and I'm sure many people make the same miscalculation, if only because they don't stop to get the facts first.

The second mistake she made was that believing she was getting "free" electricity, that she could increase her own consumption astronomically. Why not leave the lights burning? Why not do more, and smaller, loads of laundry as I need them? Yes, let's get that third television, that second refrigerator, that fancy outdoor lighting I've always wanted but couldn't afford to pay for?

The result? Electric bills which have nearly doubled.

What this neighbor had failed to understand was just what it is that a solar panel actually does.

To begin with, a home-based solar panel does not generate electricity; it simply heats water. If you want to generate electricity from sunlight, you need a photovoltaic cell, which is something completely different. Most home solar systems are simple heat-collectors which use sunlight in order to heat a ready-supply of water for showers, washing, baseboard heating and so forth, the advantage being that you will use less gas or electricity to do those things than you normally would. Typically, one does not replace their traditional electric or gas-operated hot water systems when installing solar panels (nor should you!), because solar panels are reliant upon good weather -- if it's overcast or raining, your solar panel is useless.

A solar heating system is an adjunct, or supplement, but not a replacement. In this case, the neighbor replaced some of her gas-operated appliances in favor of electric ones, but was generating no electricity, and her furnace was still burning gas in order to heat water on the days when the solar panels were not working properly or efficiently. She hadn't really "saved" anything.

At best, she simply returned a few hundred cubic feet of natural gas per year (the typical home uses about 600-1200 cubic feet of gas in a year) back into "the System" (i.e. that the utility company did not have to sell to her) where someone else could make use of it, and naturally, I'm certain that someone did. This individual contribution to Mother Gaia is exceedingly small in the grand scheme of things, and so a few scores of people in your neighborhood installing solar panels to save on the gas bill really only brings marginal benefits; they may lower their overall bills by a few hundred dollars per year, but they only marginally increase the ready supply of natural gas available for everyone else, which is quickly sold and used, in any case.

In this woman's case, whatever she had saved by using less natural gas, she quickly lost when she ramped up her electric consumption under the mistaken impression that she was getting something for nothing.

This is one of the major flaws in the whole Green Energy motif; people come to believe that something, because it comes from the Sun, the Wind, or the Tides, is "free", or at least not-as-expensive. They believe this because a) most people are dumber than dogshit, and b) because that's how the whole Green Energy thing is sold to them.

I know, because I used to "sell" Green Energy, but I fully admit to not being a true expert in all the inner-workings of the entire industry.

See, this is how you (usually) get electricity. It's a very basic explanation, so spare me the technical e-mails. It's for the benefit of the layman:

Someone builds a generator. This is typically a very large magnet stuck on the end of a rotating shaft, the whole assembly attached to a turbine. This shaft/turbine assembly is surrounded by a thick coil of copper cables. The turbine is made to rotate at very high speeds, causing the magnet and coil to interact, warping the magnetic fields of both the magnet and the coil. This manipulation of the magnetic field aligns the electrons within the copper and then sets them into motion (this is electric current) down the wires and cables that emanate from the power plant, and connect to your home.

There are typically two ultra-efficient ways to get these turbines spinning at the speeds required to generate this constant electric current;

a. Water power (Hydro-electric power): rapidly-moving water falling down a waterfall (like Niagara Falls), or artificially dammed and released (like Hoover Dam) spins the turbine.

b. Steam generation; a heat source (produced from burning oil, coal, gas, or generated by splitting atoms) heats water to boiling. This steam is then collected and concentrated (super-heated) under pressure, so that when it is released it has enough power behind it to spin that turbine super-quickly.

After thousands of years of human progress, we're still using the same basic mechanisms: the Wheel, Fire, the Steam Engine, and capturing kinetic energy. In any case, we're using energy to create energy. There is nothing"free" about it. You have to construct a super-expensive kit in order to capture or create the energy needed to generate electricity, and a portion of the energy that comes out of the process is wasted due to the principles of resistance (current does not flow uninterrupted down a wire), and the laws of Physics: you can't have more energy coming out of the process than what you've put into it. Also, electricity is an on-demand commodity; it cannot be stored easily or cheaply in vast quantities, like oil or coal. You'd better use every volt you generate as soon as it's generated, or it gets lost. This makes the price jump up or down according to supply and demand, only much faster than many other commodities, because it's a "spot" market.

You can, to a certain extent, calculate how much energy goes into the process, and then regulate the amount that comes out, but this is not an exact science, and inefficiencies abound.

Green Energy methods promise (but never deliver) the ability to do away with some of the more odious aspects of power generation, particularly the need to burn fossil fuels, but the methods currently available are not reliable enough to chuck the whole "burn-something-to-generate- steam-and-spin-a-turbine-model".

Wind Turbines do away with the need to burn something and, thus, generate no pollution, but the wind is unreliable, and the turbines themselves are incapable of generating much power individually because of the complex gearing involved. That's why wind farms contain hundreds of windmills, take up several hundred acres of land, and produce negligible amounts of electricity for what they cost to build and operate.They also require specialist maintenance crews who get paid a shitload of money to climb one or two hundred feet up a mast to work with a giant fan that can easily kill them. You'll usually also see hundreds of dead birds at the base of a wind generator -- the birds get caught in the blades, fly into them, or they nest on the tall masts and fall out/get diced and sliced.

Tidal Generators work much like any windmill or hydroelectric plant, but they use the power of the tides to spin their turbines. Since most places usually only have two high tides a day for a few hours each, the tidal generator spends much of the day inactive. When it works it generates a powerful flow of electricity, but it can't operate on-demand 24/7/365. It too, is inefficient.

Geothermal plants take advantage of the Earth's heat. Built over natural hot springs and steam vents, geothermal plants use the steam that comes up from underground to spin a turbine and generate electricity. There's only one problem: that steam usually contains poisonous and corrosive compounds that can be deadly to man, and which are absolute hell on machinery, meaning a geothermal plant must be built with specially-constructed, high-tolerance materials, and is a maintenance nightmare -- not to mention the problems inherent in "scrubbing" emissions from the plant itself, so that dangerous gases and chemical compounds are not released into the air and environment.

In fact, the only truly efficient methods we have available to us that don't require fossil fuels are hydroelectric power and nuclear power. Both are bad juju to the environMENTAL activists; one scars the landscape, inconveniences fish and interferes with the natural flow of rivers and streams. The other produces small amounts of radioactive waste that has to be stored somewhere until it can either be reprocessed, or the radioactivity dissipates enough for it to be released back into the environment. This is the dilemma which faces the Green Energy crowd: their current solutions are unworkable, and the alternatives don't pass muster with people determined to nit pick them to death. Damn efficiency, progress or good sense.

And of course, it's all super-expensive.

Why, when I sold Green Energy, we never told a potential customer that he would "save money" by buying electricity or gas obtained/generated by Green Methods, because that was a virtual impossibility. Generating that sort of power in a Green fashion costs more than the traditional methods. No, instead we always sold Green Energy as a matter of social consciousness and "displacement". I'll explain.

The social conscious part is self-explanatory. People want to do things they perceive as "good". In fact, most people are simply begging to do something good, because they get a high off of it, or because it makes them feel superior to others. Most people are absolute douchebags, after all. Selling Green Energy as a way to "clean the environment", "Save the Planet" or even as a means to "Stick it to The Man" was an easy sell. There are people in the world who are swayed by such arguments, perhaps 1-in-20, because they are that stupid or committed.

The Displacement Theory takes a little explaining. It was generally suggested that for every kilowatt hour you bought that was generated by Green Methods, you were "displacing" a kilowatt hour generated by "dirty" means, i.e. that was one less kilowatt hour that would have to be generated by burning coal or gas. And if enough people bought Green Energy, then by God, we'd do away with the fossil fuel-burning power plant altogether by pushing the output of those evil machines right off the grid.

Ummm, no.

First off, you have absolutely no way, short of running a cable directly from the windmill to your front door to know whether the electricity you get is Green or not. It all goes into the same Grid. Once power is generated, your nice, clean Green Energy gets mixed in with the Dirty Energy you used to get from Con Ed or Duke Power. There is no way to distinguish between the "Good" electricity and "the bad".

Second, utility companies that have more generating capacity then they need usually don't just shut the lights, close the plant down and quit the business; they try to find more customers for it. Especially since they're producing their power at cheaper rates (after all, if there's more expensive Green stuff in the grid, then their power becomes cheaper by comparison), and selling it at cheaper rates. Given a choice between "Good for Mother Earth, but twice the cost" and "Cheap, Readily-available and Reliable" guess which choice most people (remember; most people are stupid, easily-swayed, lowest-common-denominator douchebags, now) will make?

And in any case, the investment made in constructing the original electric grid/gas delivery systems was so great, the utility companies have a financial interest in keeping them running and profitable, and are happy to simply maintain those delivery methods without having to generate any extra power to pump through them. See, when you Go Green, you're buying power that still has to be delivered to you through your traditional utility company, because they own the means of distribution. You usually see that on your bill as an increased"Delivery Charge"; since the utility has lost you as a power consumer, they'll make sure they rape you on delivery. You'll either come back, or you'll suck it up and decide that's the cost of being Green -- and they can sell the energy they would have provided you to someone else -- and still profit.

But at least you'll get a Carbon Credit -- which doesn't really exist, is difficult to trade, and which has no fixed monetary value -- and if you do manage to sell/trade it on the sham Carbon Markets, it basically means you have given someone else the right to pollute on your behalf, with your blessing. And somewhere in there, someone will have made a buck, but it won't be you.

In fact, when the Green Energy companies can't produce the electricity they need to satisfy their customer's demand, what do you think they do? They buy it on the open market from the people who make the dirty stuff and re-sell it, of course! It's the only other supply.

My usual sales meeting, usually with people who had expressed an interest about buying Green Energy, mind you, with a customer usually went something like this:

We can give you all the electricity you need, no problems. We have a great many suppliers who can feed us with all the Green Energy we can handle.

That's great.

And you will be doing something positive for the environment. You'll be helping to clean the air, streams, and oceans, and saving wildlife, too, by helping to reduce acid rain, and helping to do away with some of the dirtier aspects of power generation.

I'm always looking to make a positive impact, YESSSIRRREEE! Why,that sounds fantastic! I was always wondering when someone would get around to making Green Energy a reality! It's been one of my interests for years. It's why I joined Greenpeace, you know!

That's super! In fact, not only can we can guarantee you all the power you need, you will never have to worry about service, either; you can simply call your current utility provider, and they'll still come and fix any problems you have with access or distribution, because they still own it -- we only sell them power which they pass on to you. We can also promise that the energy we produce will be as clean as humanly possible.

Wonderful! Fantastic! It's about time!

Also, for every so-many kilowatt hours you purchase, you'll be getting a Carbon Credit, which you can trade on the open market. That's a valuable commodity, these days. It's a good reason to go Green, isn't it?

Wow! This is sounding better all the time!

So, here you are: you can get the energy you need, generated by clean methods, which is best for the environment and saves polar bears and Aborigines; you don't need to swap service providers so you can retain the expert and reliable services of your current power company, and in the process, you'll be gaining valuable Carbon Credits which you can sell for a profit. Everyone wins!

Sounds like it! So, how much does it cost?

Well, you'll be signing a five-year contract (don't tell them about the substantial fees involved for breaking the contract before the first year is up). I have to tell you that the price is slightly higher, about 8-10% higher, than what you're paying now, BUT we guarantee that your price will never increase for any reason at any time during that five year period. And when you consider that you'll at least know for certain what your power costs will be for the next five years -- this helps you considerably when budgeting, you know -- and that you're doing something positive for the world -- and your children -- and that you also get Carbon Credits that you can sell at a profit for it, it's a great deal, don't you think?

Oh, umm, sorry, but....ahhh....that sounds a little too expensive for my tastes, and I didn't realize it would mean a five-year contract. Thank you for your time, and I'm sorry we couldn't do business.

Even those most committed to being Green bail out when they find out how much Green it's going to cost them.

The whole thing was about as close to a legal scam as it was possible to get. There was nothing inherently illegal or immoral about what we were doing, but it wasn't exactly on the up-and-up, either. It depended on the stupidity of legions of people who were under the impression that they were going to get something cheap -- if not free -- with the added benefit that they could brag to their friends about it.

Now, I don't mean all this to be a knock on people who buy solar panels for their homes. Or even of Green Energy, in general; there's a place for it. But it won't replace the existing apparatus without great investment and advances in technology which at present are not cost-effective, and not exactly forseeable. When everything is known -- the purchaser understands exactly what he's buying and what he's getting for his money, and especially the limitations and obligations that come with it-- Solar Panels on your Roof, Windmills on the Plains and Geothermal plants at Yellowstone aren't a bad idea, per se. Just remember the ironclad rule that applies to the generation, distribution, usage and regulation of power:

Nothing is ever free. And if someone sold you a solar panel outfit without telling you exactly what it was good for and how you were supposed to use it, then you shouldn't complain about skyrocketing energy bills.

My neighbor is a little bit wiser now, and was embarrassed to find out just how wrong she had been in her assumptions. Don't make the same mistake yourself.

More Evidence that Global Warming is a Communist Plot...

Surprise! There are no melting glaciers, after all!



Of course there aren't; the whole thing was spun from whole cloth, the better to frighten the bejesus out of people so that they'd panic and fall in line with the Master Plan of the Greenie Meanies, who simply want to "Save the Planet" by arresting progress and redistributing the wealth of the industrialized world.

Personally, I don't give a shit if some headhunter on New Guinea drowns because the island is swamped by rising sea levels (that's a load of bullshit, too). I figure if headhunting was a viable way of life more people would be doing it -- and the fact that the vast majority don't tends to bear me out on this -- that sort of culture would be more widespread. I also reckon that any society which has not evolved beyond it's Stone Age origins and technology is a society that is most likely doomed to eventual extinction. Since extinction is a part of the natural cycle, making expensive efforts to save that which Nature has judged failures is a waste of time and money.

The Law of Unintended Consequences...

...will always come back to bite you in the ass.

Note to the French, and especially the U.S. Government:

When you give money away, don't be surprised when people take you up on the offer at greater-then-expected rates.

I especially loved this part:

"Most panels installed in France were made in China with a highly questionable carbon footprint," Environment Minister Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet told parliament last month. Policy must "create jobs in France, not subsidize Chinese industry."

Good thing we're creating all those Green Energy jobs... in the least Green country on Planet Earth, huh?

Global Warming Probably Gave Your Dog Fleas, Too...

In response to this post, an Anonymous reader posted a link to a recent New York Times article on Global Warming, which pretty much says that the recent cold snaps that have struck and crippled Europe this past fortnight, and which dumped 2-feet of snow on New York City the last two days, are, alas, caused by Global Warming, too.

The article is unadulterated bullshit, and the author should be ashamed of himself. Assuming, of course, he had any shame to begin with. But this is par for the course when dealing with the true believers in Man-made Global Catastrophe; they are shameless liars, and possessed of a bulletproof stupidity that they themselves would sneeringly attribute to the poor slugs who, snicker-snicker, believe in God.

Of course, these are the same people who believe that Man has the power to halt the cycle of Evolution and Extinction, and return the planet to a supposed Golden Age where atmospheric conditions were "just right". They can't define "just right", but they know it exists,because it must have...once. And they call Conservatives crazy people who want to turn back the clock?

The major problem with the Global Warming types is that they simply don't care about truth, nor do they care about science. For the committed Tree-Hugger, the debate over global Warming is about neither truth nor science, nor about what's good for the Human Race, it's always about a self-appointed elite who hate their fellow human beings and want to control their lives.

This Elite wants to control your actions a) for their personal (mostly mental) comfort, b) for their personal enrichment, c) because they're pretentious assholes who believe they're better than anyone else, and d) because they're committed to the idea that World Socialism is still a viable system, it just needs a new marketing campaign and better World Socialists to run it.

This is, after all, their overall goal; to bring about World Socialism without having to have debates, without having to fight wars, without having to deal with forces that they cannot control. It's best to concoct a fairy tale of mankind destroying his habitat so as to arrest the growth of the developed nations (The West), while allowing the rest of the planet (The Third World, India, China) to "catch up" industrially by removing any such restrictions upon their activity. In this way, the dream of World Socialism will have been achieved (material equality, or rather, equality of misery) in the way that Socialists typically want it to be achieved; by destroying the rights and privileges of the individual, sovereign nations and traditional institutions.

The package of World Socialism has just been wrapped in festive, brightly-colored, and friendlier paper: now, it's no longer about Proletarian struggle, unavoidable historical forces coming into conflict, class warfare, or a war of ideologies that may lead to actual shooting and nuclear exchange. No, the World Socialism crowd now comes to you claiming they want to save Polar Bears and Tropical Fish, starving African villagers and rain forests full of endangered fruit trees. The goal, however, still remains: control of the world economy, either directly (through the U.N.) or indirectly (again, through the U.N.) by means of treaties, or international law that forces some nations to bear the technical and financial burdens of modernizing all the others.

Global Warming advocates are the slipperiest of eels.

Too hot? Heat waves and droughts?

That's Global Warming.

Too cold? Blizzards?

That's Global Warming, too.

Too Many hurricanes?

Global Warming, for sure.

No Hurricanes at all?

Definitely Global Warming.

Cat missed the litter box? Didn't win the Lottery? Got Vanilla when you asked for Chocolate? Barack Obama got elected President?

Global Warming will get you every time...

Eventually, you get to the point where Global Warming is responsible for Icelandic volcanoes erupting, and Haitian Earthquakes, as some of the dumber Global Warming idiots did, indeed argue, at the time those events occurred.

Ask for proof,and you get "science"that is falsified. Point out the science has been doctored, or worse, relies on assumptions that no one can quantify, and the committed Global Warmer simply moves the goal posts; it's still doesn't matter if the science is fake, the threat is still real, or suddenly, there's a new variable that someone tosses into the equation that's never been reported on, but someone has been studying in his basement for the last 20 years.

They are like the Christian Apologists of the 30's and 40's, who told you that it doesn't really matter if Christ existed, or if there's resurrection of the body, or even if the saintsperformed miracles, what matters is not the literal veracity of Gospel, but the perceived intent. Point out that if you argue that Christ really hadn't risen from the dead, and that there is no real promise of a resurrection of the body, then the pillars upon which their faith rests must surely fail, and you get that most condescending and annoying retort "you're not a theologian, so you can't possibly understand..."

Global Warming douchebags do this all the time. They make claims that cannot be proven, and then in their defense say that you, John Smith, are just too stupid to understand the REAL science. And just like the Christian Apologists, who were always able to stay one step ahead of you in any argument that threatened to devolve into a test of logic, the Global Warming Idiot plays the same confidence trick.

Is there Global Warming? Of course there is. The climate of this planet has changed repeatedly in 4 billion years, and will continue to change long after mankind is gone. How do I know? Because there is provable scientific data that says the Earth has gone through several major Ice Ages in the recent geological past, and since there ain't any glaciers here on Staten Island and my diet doesn't consist of Elephant Seal and Whale Blubber, I have to assume that, consequently, there was at least an equal number of warming events, also easily proved by accepted, provable scientific means, just in case the evidence of your own eyes isn't enough.

The Question is how much does Man's activity contribute to this warming phenomenon,and the answer is...no one actually knows... and when true,honest scientific minds try to find out, they find it is beyond their capacity to actually enumerate, because the complexities of weather and climate are, even in the 21st Century, poorly understood.

The Global Warmer foot soldier, however, is convinced, sans evidence, that ALL the warming is the result of human activity, and the only means to arrest it is to bring progress to a screeching halt,no matter how many people it kills, no matter how many landscapes it destroys, no matter how expensive that might be. In the meantime, his Puppet Masters, the World-Socialists-in-Sheep's-Clothing, sit back and enjoy the wealth and power they accumulate by manipulating the brain-dead masses.

Like most Left-wing movements, EnvironMENTALism is a movement of the Ill-informed-but Well-intentioned, led by the Ill-Intentioned-but Well-informed. Truth, science, and logic have nothing to do with any of it, nor does the bloody weather.

Update: I rest my case.

Douchebag!

Al Gore (almost) admits that's he's a lying sack of hypocritical shit pushing a bullcrap communist-driven agenda that even he doesn't believe.

Notice how Al wants you to sacrifice and suffer for a (supposed) greater good, while he reserves the right to act upon his self-interest whenever he feels like it or needs to. Inside every environMENTAList is a selfish bastard who believes YOU are stupid.

Al Gore probably owns piles of stock in biofuel concerns. It wouldn't surprise me at all if his "ethanol epiphany" has little to do with saving Mother Gaia, and putting yet more Green in Al's pockets.

Obama Will Probably Take Credit for This, Too...

Gulf of Mexico fisheries recover nicely after Oil Spill.

You may drive Nature out with a Pitchfork, and She will return with a vengeance. Yet more proof that Greens are assholes without a clue.

I fully expect Il Doofay (i.e Resident Obambi) to grandly proclaim that "the tough action taken by my Administration" in the wake of this disaster has brought about this unexpected state of affairs.

National "Harass A Treehugger" Day...

First, they called it "Global Warming".

Then, when it was proven the planet was actually cooling, it became "Climate Change".

Less-than-a-year later, it's now to be called "Global Climate Disruption".

It's still bullshit.

Just come clean, Tree Huggers, and admit it: you can't prove your assertions without lying, cheating and cooking the books. You engage in scare-mongering so that you may extort money from governments and easily-frightened retards, who in years past were only fleeced by those who professed faith in God, advocated the healing power of crystals and the homeopathic lifestyle, or flogging Lucky Astrology Mood Rings, instead of a government-funded global communist conspiracy.

The goal is not to "Save the Planet", because most EnvironMENTALists hate their fellow human beings, but to produce a new order in which the "enlightened" douchebags of the world get to rule over everyone else, tell us all what to do, and reap the benefits. And that's after they manage to impose world communism under the guise of saving African peasants from glacier melt.

For the last half-century these doofuses have been allowed to get away with this scam, and it's about time someone put a stop to it. Now, by myelf, as a private individual, well...I can only do so much. I do occasionally go down to the local Starbucks and deliberately drop litter in front of the Greenie Meanines, just to piss them off. Or, I sometimes sign their petitions with "Adolf Hitler" when they thrust them in front of me, unbidden, in the ferry terminal just to screw with them.

But, it's not enough. They're still here spouting the same bullshit, and they just change thename whenever they're caught out. They keep moving the goalposts in order to keep the scam going. They obviously have no respect for me, as a person, or for my intelligence.

I therefore declare November 1, 2010 to be "Harass a Treehugger Day".

You are not to do anything violent. You are not to do anything that will lead to someone being hurt. You are not to break any laws.

What you are supposed to do is make certain you can find the most annoying Tree Hugger you know, and do everything in your power to annoy the piss out of them for the next 24 hours. There's not even a point to it: you're just there to fucking annoy them because you can.

Follow them around, and try the following:

1. Make moral judgements against them, loudly and publicly, about the contradictions inherent in their espousal of Global Climate Disruption and their actual lifestyle. For example:

"You know, that cellphone you're about to use is made of disgusting petrochemicals, and the telephone company that carries your calls is complicit in the rape of the Earth because of all the copper, steel, and electricity they need to do business! When they send you your bill, that will be on paper that some tree was sacrificed for! Cellphone towers kill migratory birds with microwaves! Why are you using a cellphone when it's a mortal danger to Gaia?"

"Hey! Don't drink that Vente-Double-Caramel-Mocchiata-with-extra-whipped-cream! Do you realize how much fossil fuel we need to burn to get that coffee from the interior of Mozambique to the United States, and how many Greenhouse gasses were emitted in the process of brewing just that one cup? Why, that cup alone represents the entire yearly output of carbon emissions produced by 10,000,000 honeybees! You know honeybees are dying because of climate change? How are we supposed to pollinate our crops when your coffee is killing honeybees? Some douchebag in Outer Mongolia is starving because your coffee killed all the bees!"

2. Make certain you follow your selected target, and carefully-observe their daily activities. Take careful note of all their activities, and jump upon those that would seem to run counter to their stated goal of saving the environment. Make certain you write them an "Awareness Citation" for every violation at the end of the day, and chastize them for being a hypocrite.

3. Use your cellphone or other recording device to snap pictures of the Environut of your choice littering, using a private automobile, wasting resources, or otherwise failing to live up to the strict and exacting ideals he/she demands from YOU. Post those pictures on the Internet -- Facebook, MySpace, your blog, etc. -- just to show that Ms. Holier-Than-thou is really full of shit, and embarrass her in front of her Green peers, and indeed, the entire Green Movement.

4. Mail Al Gore pictures of Polar Bears in water. Make certain you caption your picture with the words "THEY CAN SWIM, DUMBASS!". Also make sure to remind Mr. Gore that he lost a Presidential election to a man his party loudly and frequently proclaimed was a blithering idiot, and that people who try to sue their way into the White House are probably the next-best-thing to Gay. Make sure you get 10 others to send a similar missive, and that they are all delivered by U.S. Mail, Fed Ex, or other contrivance that just burns through fossil fuels like Mexican water passed through a tourist.

(H/T Closet Conservative)

Exclusive! Ground Zero Mosque Goes Green...

So can we please finally stop with all that stuff about about Islam being an intolerant-terrorist-breeding-death cult obsessed with a book written by a child molester, living in abject fear of vaginas, and bent on World Domination?

After all, they care about Global Warming....and stuff.

The world needs Douchebags, too, I guess. It's just a pity that one of them gets paid to write this kind of crap.

EnvironMENTALism: The Racket...

If you simply remember to Follow the Money, you'll eventually arrive at the truth of just about any form of corruption.

In this case, the corruption and collusion which is at the heart of the Cap-and-Trade debate.

And these are, supposedly, the Moderate Greens, the ones who try to pass off their delusional scheme as a "market-oriented" approach so that conservatives can't make free-market arguments against their mumbo-jumbo. The article references the whole ecosystem of Watermelon parasites; the politicians, and the substrata of hanger's-on who glean a pretty good living on government-funded advocacy. The Think Tankers, the Lobbying groups, the "Charitable Organizations" and NGO's who make a killing on Global Warming Hype.

They serve the new Robber Baron class --people like Al Gore -- who's new line seems to be buying up all that beachfront property he promised would soon be below the rising oceans. These people play this very nasty confidence game in which they decry the evils of unfair, corrupted capitalism on the one hand, while trading for real money in a market for something that doesn't exist (Carbon Credits) -- and making a fortune off of it. The excuse is that unlike the robber barons of old, this form of cheating, lying, stealing and corruption serves an obviously-greater good -- the very Salvation of Man and Earth -- and is, therefore, not only excusable, but a noble undertaking.

This is simply a socially-acceptable form of Stock Market for those who don't wish to rub elbows with Real Capitalists -- who don't share their "enlightened" views on money, and apparently don't give a shit about the poor (I wonder, where would most charities be without the Rich?), where Commie-Pinko hypocrites can make personal fortunes while advocating World Socialism for everyone else free of guilt. These people are pious hypocrites...and they're performing a really neat trick: they are writing the laws of this country by manipulating the political class, or at least, trying to, while simultaneously drawing their livings from both the taxpayer and a fraud-disguised-as-private enterprise.

Good work if you can get it, huh? Thankfully this nonsense was stopped dead in it's tracks before it went further, but I get the feeling that these folks will be back. They always are, unfortunately.

I wonder how long it'll be before these people ask for a bail-out, too.

Two Birds, One Stone...For Mother Earth...

I had an idea yesterday. That by itself would be news, but this one was so exquisitely clever, that I had to take the time to fully think-through the implications before committing it to....errm...electronic paper.

Two of the biggest problems in modern America are the runaway Welfare State, and a heaving mass of over-emotional, regressively-adolescent, tushy-clenched, panty-bunched, thumbsuckers who clamor for the American People and Government to live up to their "responsibilities" to help save Gaia. Now,I generally don't go in for this environMENTAL nonsense, because the people who espouse it are typically dumber and thicker than a sack of dog shit passed through a constipated daschund, but I figured that if I could find a way to make some of them just a little bit happier, they wouldn't carry on like a bunch of menstrual wolverines, and my ears would get a rest.

The Earth-firsters are all hot to limit the amount of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere. They are also mightily upset with mankind's mass-consumption habits, and the effects and demands these make upon Nature. The Greenie Meanies also have a wild hair up their collective asses about a concept they call "sustainability" -- a theory which totally contradicts Human Nature, but if I have this right, postulates that Man can live a "balanced" life in which he does not take from Nature more than he needs to survive (to more extreme advocates, this means the very barest of necessities, soap not being on this list of vitals for many, unfortunately), while doing his level best to ensure that Nature is tended so as to ensure "renewability" (i.e. eat an apple, plant an apple tree).

The Watermelons (Green on the Outside, Red on the Inside) are also pretty ticked off at governments which subsidize/promote certain industries which are known to be harmful to the environment; Big Oil, Detroit, the Mining Industry, Big Agriculture, and Big Pharma, and either demand that governments regulate these industries right out of existence, or tax the shit out of them to fund "Green Initiatives", which usually concern Community Gardens, lots of Macrame and Pot, and at least one Cherokee Drum Circle.

But, usually going Green in any endeavor is typically so expensive (because Green efforts are usually inefficient and based upon the primacy of physical labor over the messy by-products of mechanization), that governments that aren't actually Socialist (like Spain), and which aren't part-and-parcel of the environMENTAList movement (a plan for world Socialism without the need for violent revolution) themselves, typically split the difference; practicing what appears to be laissez-faire capitalism with a strong streak of authoritarian taxation and regulation running through it. The best of both worlds: governments can collect taxes on productive enterprises, and still burnish their environMENTAL street cred by claiming to have "tough" regulations on The X Industry, because a) capitalism still works better than Socialism any day of the week, and b) it's cheaper to pay lip service to Watermelons than to actually Go Green.

So, how to reconcile all these seemingly-contradictory requirements in a smooth-running program that both saves the American taxpayer absolute tons of cash, while doing our part to preserve the Natural world? Easy.

I call it "Welfare Reform for Mother Earth". How can anyone in his right mind object to something that incorporates both the ultra-conservative and ultra-libtard in the same phrase?

Here's how it works:

There are tens of millions of people in the United States right now who have never worked a day in their lives, and who have never picked up anything heavier than their Food Stamp booklet, or Rent Subsidy check, -- except perhaps a crackpipe, or an illegal Glock with the serial numbers filed off. These people do no productive work at all; in fact, they are paid not to. This makes them both a net negative to both the taxpayer, and The Planet. It's expensive to give money to people who don't even grow their own food, or weave baskets, and just as expensive to support the massive army of State and Federal Employees who exist solely to provide these goldbricks with "benefits".That's even before we consider the economic costs of increased police protection, failings schools, substance abuse programs, AIDS, jails, public housing, chronic unemployment, and so forth.

And if that weren't bad enough, they're all breathing, farting and belching, releasing deadly Carbon Dioxide, Methane and other Greenhouse Gasses into the atmosphere, and not buying any carbon credits to offset any of it. Some of the products "The Poor" spend their apportioned money upon do come from renewable sources (Marijuana plants, Opium poppies, Coca leaf, the various grains that make up Malt Liquor), they are also as likely to spend as much, or more, of that cash in imitation of the crass consumerism of their economic betters -- cell phones, cable television, KFC, Ripple, hollowpoint bullets, Grillz, and oversized-gold-plated rims -- not to mention that many of these people fall into the category of "Morbidly Obese", which means that they are probably ingesting more calories in one day than an African or Asian peasant eats in a month, and have children at Malthusian levels that one day will bring us all to the brink of starvation.

So,I suggest that in order to save the world, Welfare should be made Illegal everywhere in America, and these payments cease immediately. That way, we could stop giving money away to social reprobates, and fire entire regiments of government employees who make more and do even less than those they "serve". Why, we'll save so much money that we can even afford to be a bit generous, and give some of that new-found cash to the EnvironMENTALists themselves, so that they can fund all sorts of touchy-feely-makes-ya-feel-good-but-is-ultimately-useless programs to "raise awareness", and advocate on behalf of special light bulbs, promote vegetarianism, and maybe even pay for their beloved Community Gardens, or even a windmill or two someplace.

"But Matt", you may ask, "what about all those people you now threw off the Welfare rolls and the Government payroll; what are they supposed to?" I thought that one through!

Unfortunately, after a while, some of them are going to die. This is unavoidable, but we can console ourselves that -- by their deaths -- they are no longer polluting either the Planet, nor Civil Society. Some will actually decide right then and there to turn their lives around, and give up the Welfare Gangsta lifestyle and go legit. Of course, most of those will probably find jobs at the lowest end of the economic scale,having no skills or education, but that's not a problem, either; the "Sustainable" lifestyle more or less entails making do with the barest necessities as your duty to Mother Gaia. Don't think of yourself as "working poor"; think of yourself more as "Good Global Citizen".

Of course those who don't have the courtesy to die, or who decide not to become Good Global Citizens will still be around -- if only because they are able to extort or steal enough to keep themselves alive -- and unrepentant, if not down-right dangerous. The solution to this is one which any Green would immediately recognize as the Holy Grail, as it were, of the EnvironMENTAL movement.

We will set up special National Parks given completely over to rampant, untended Nature in all it's splendor and glory. As we arrest and otherwise detain those who've managed to stay in their state of ill favor, they will be tagged with microchips (so that we can track them and shoot them if they try to escape, with lead-free bullets, of course -- lead poisons streams and fish! ). They will be released into these parks with nothing but their own wits, where they will have to re-learn all the survival skills our ancient ancestors once possessed, but which we have forgotten. Once released into the Wild, they can be studied in great detail by EnvironMENTALists who will one day want to emulate these lucky few, and return to Nature themselves, and who will need to learn all they can from the inmates successes and failures in experimenting with strange foliage as toilet paper, or in discovering which tree beetles, toads, and small lizards are safe to eat.

A true Garden of Eden, in the best Noble Savage tradition. I wonder what Al Gore would think of my ideas? He got a Nobel Prize, you know?

If only....

Recovery Summer?

I really hate to rain on anyone's parade (well...not really. I actually enjoy pissing on other people's parades, just to see them freak), but this "Recovery Summer Tour 2010" nonsense is a load of unadulterated bovine scatological matter.

You can tell because, well...they sent Joe Biden out to bang the drum for it, and he winds up telling the truth in that Biden-esque way that could be the basis of a hit sitcom on NBC. We're somehow supposed to believe the Enlightened Economic Policies of Barack Obama (you know, the ones the Euros just pissed all over at the 'G20 Summit'?) are about to unleash a cornucopia of unrivalled economic prosperity on the American People; the train's a-comin'. We can see the headlight. We can hear the rattle of the tracks. Just you wait. Any day now. Any day now...

So, here's Joe telling us that the Obamatards "saved the banking system" and"stabilized the economy" with a Stimulus Bill in which 96% of the funds allocated (borrowed) haven't been spent, and the Nationalization-in-all-but-name of the biggest banks, insurance firms, and auto manufacturers, and then...it happened.

It always happens with Joe. There are four things you can count on in life; death, taxes, Charles Schumer eventually killing a family of four in his mad rush to nasally drone in front of a television camera, and the premise that, if you follow Joe Biden around long enough with any sort of recording device, you will, eventually, get the whole truth despite Joe's best efforts to continue The Lie. In fact, follow him around long enough and you'll get a litany of truths.

The first truth was contained in the words"...those jobs are never coming back", in reference to the 8 million jobs lost since the beginning of this financial crisis. This was an administration that said it would have to have a $787 billion "stimulus" (which has been mostly geared, thus far, towards fattening the bank accounts of narrow democratic party constituencies ahead of the 2010 and 2012 elections) if it was "to keep unemployment at 8%". Well, it got that "Stimulus" (the first bill that no one read, or was that TARP? It's all become a blur)...

...And the Unemployment rate is closer to 10%, (closer to 17% real unemployment) and the Obamatards are comfortable with the fact that many of them are gone forever, while maintaining the fantasy that there's another batch of jobs just around the corner. You just have to believe in that Hopenchangin' magic, and poof! a Green job, or temporary Census Worker will just drop into your lap. Just you wait and see!

Well, there ain't no 8 million "Green Jobs" coming because Green Energy is a load of bullshit. Like the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, The Flying Dutchman, and the Perpetual Motion Machine, the Green Energy Economy is largely a myth. More conventional industries are now under assault, or in the government's crosshairs; Big Oil garnered the wrong sort of attention when BP poisoned the Gulf of Mexico. Wall Street is about to be slapped with a new round of regulations-which-are-really-taxes that will probably hasten the destruction of many of the weaker-but-salvageable firms. Obamacare (the second bill that no one read) will nationalize, unionize and cost-control the medical profession back into the Middle Ages of bloodletting and leaches.

All of those industries are about to get socked to pay for penile implants for illegal immigrants, paying the UAW to continue voting democrat, saving a variety of obscure wildlife that stands in the way of progress and prosperity, and funding every stupid-ass-pie-in-the-sky-hippie-program that can spring from the fevered imaginations of Obama, Pelosi and Reid, unless they are either stripped of power, or assassinated (and no, that was NOT a request, just hyperbole. If you're thinking about killing anyone, please make it someone truly important...like Lady Gaga or Simon Cowell).

The second truth was revealed, in of all places, a custard shop in Wisconsin.

Joe stopped in for a tasty frozen treat, and got into a bit of banter with the shop manager, who decided that the opportunity to make a political statement while Joe was trying to make his own (after all, the Vice President rubbing elbows with the Peasants in front of cameras is supposed to be all about the Administration, not the People. Showing him up is considerd Bad Form, you know). When asked "How much do I owe you?" for the frozen treats, the manager intimated that if perhaps the Vice President could convince the Administration to lower taxes, the bill would be paid in full, Joe went into full menstrual fury mode.

As far as snits are concerned, this was a good one. Joe reminded me of an old girlfriend who always acquired the most disturbing personality traits whenever she was menstruating. There was the constipated visage; that intense look that could curdle milk, and perhaps separate oil and water, if it didn't set the oil aflame first. Then came the tightening, like a rope being wound around a windlass, complete with that Noise -- the one that sounds like straining and cracking wood that is produced as fingers are balled into a fist and the knuckles strain the flesh of the hand. Finally, there was the eye-rolling-looking-down-my-nose-at-you-contempt, the utter disdain for all living things, especially those who had decided that RIGHT FUCKING NOW was a good time to challenge a coiled rattlesnake. Yep, Joe looked exactly like Denise whenever Aunt Flo came to visit.

"Why do you have to be a wise-ass?" asked the Vice President. Or words to that effect. And therein was the nugget of truth; Joe Biden doesn't have to take guff and back-talk from the Peasants. How dare one of these people question the authority and actions of their Betters? How is it that such a lower life form can imagine that he knows more about economic and taxation matters than a President who spent nearly a whole year in the Senate? It is not Our (meaning we peasants) job to question, suggest, or to even remind Joe that he actually works for us, and that criticism comes with the job. No, Our job is to meekly knuckle under, and follow the dictates of a class of snobs which does everything ass-backwards, and turns everything it touches into a pile of gold-plated turds -- when it does anything at all -- and to shut up about it.

Take your ass rape like a man, Custard Shop Manager! Get with the program.

With apologies to the late General Stillwell, "Vinegar and Water" Joe (Biden) gave you all the proof you ever needed that we are being"led" (mostly astray) by a group of complete retards with extremely thin skin, and no tolerance for debate. They call themselves "liberals", but there's very little of the liberal about them. And they show it everytime you try to question their authority and actions: they run you out of Town Hall meetings (notice there don't seem to be any of those, anymore?), they criticize you for being a plodding clod if you watch or read anything they don't approve of, they call you a Nazi if you decide to join a Tea Party or hold a view that runs contrary to their requirements, and then they call you a wise-ass if you manage to get a bit of your own back at their expense.

Words I'd Thought I Would Never Type...

"Al Gore" and "Sex Scandal". In the same sentence. Allegedly.

Though I struggle not to form some mental picture of the Goremeister wrapped in a towel, rivulets of white, doughy flesh hanging over the tuck, my inner eye has just such an image burned into it. The very thought is profoundly disturbing, and if I don't keep my guard up, it pops, unbidden, back into my tortured mind and activates the gag reflex. I've thrown up into my own mouth so many times in the past week that no amount of toothpaste or Scope will wash away the lingering taste of involuntary bile. Even Cayenne and Jalapenos have not scoured the residue of nausea away.

The scene my subconscious insists on creating has me on the verge of committing a violent act, as if the release of all that pent up disgust and rage will somehow scrub the grey matter clean of the mental version of ring-around-the-tub. I shan't link to any of the stories floating on the Web because they'll only make you projectile vomit, but all the highlights of this sordid..ahem...affair (allegedly) are included. It's always the same unwanted vision running through the diseased landscape of my inner mind:

"...His swollen, puffy, corpulent body lay stretched out upon the masseuse table, face-down. A towel covers his flabbier parts, but he's still clenching his butt cheeks together in an attempt to leave the impression that there's still a few remnants of sinewy youth there beneath it all. His manly back, covered in a thick, Brillo-like fur, was glistening with scented oils and lotions. Somewhere in the background, Barry Manilow was softly playing; the Muzak of the Rutting Bore. Manilow knew how to make chicks cream. Al had selected it exactly for this purpose. The masseuse, a vision of early-middle-aged American womanhood -- thrice-divorced, a stray hair protruding from the mole on her chin, face frozen in a mask of permanent surprise from the combination of poor eyebrow-pencil skills and Botox, the Low-End-Store-Brand-Danny-Kaye-Auburn dye job -- leaned over the Beached Whale of an ex-Vice President in that starched, institutional-green smock that always turned him on because it reminded him so of the Good Old Days of Soviet Communism. She was rubbing away the knots and strains of the rough-and-tumble universe of The Sanctimonious Bullshit World Tour, and the absolute Roman-Coliseum Fishbowl that was the Modern Indulgence Selling that used to characterize much of pre-Reformation Christianity, but which still smelled slightly enough of capitalism that the rubes hardly even noticed.

Her strong hands, much like her donkey-like Slavic ankles, swollen from so much water-retention that she had been unable to file the Last Wedding Ring from her finger -- even though her last divorce was finalized five years before -- found a tender spot. The Gorebot winced momentarily, and then relaxed as her expert digits rubbed the tension away. He sighed, a sound that was almost half-seal-bark-half-phlegmy-rattle. She paused to pluck an errant, wire-stiff back hair or two from under her fingernail, and in that moment, the former Vice-President-in-Litigation made his move. With a great deal of grunting but less struggle than usual he had turned over on the table, and a hint of his manhood became visible as a bump under the hospital-white towel, like a miniature Washington Monument caught beneath the the thick, cold layers of another Ice Age. But that was an illusion: were it not for the triple-layered rolls of belly fat that slid past his waistline and sloughed off between his spongy, varicose-veined thighs, there just might be a whole whopping four, perhaps four-and-a quarter, inches of pulsing Inconvenient Truth lurking beneath that linen.

She was taken aback. She caught her breath, a staccato-sigh of surprise, nay, perhaps even fear. She tried not to look, but couldn't help herself; for even laying down the Vice-President's boobs were strangely bigger than her own, with great, fleshy, earth-toned nipples and the same thick, stiff hairs pointing out of them. They strangely reminded her of Sputnik for a moment, and she was caught in a web of confusion, embarrassment...and lust? She flushed and appeared faint, the first sign of the coming glow of perspiration began to darken the smock beneath her armpits. Her slightly fried-onion-y underarm scent aroused him further -- but this hunter liked to play with his prey first.

"They all react that way...at first", said Al. His dark eyes looked into hers. They were hypnotic, but she could not decide if it was because he was such a magnificent specimen of Old-Money-Hypocrite-middle-aged pork, or because even when he spoke in short sentences he was still such a dashing figure of bone-crushing boredom and banality. She stepped away from the table, but he grabbed her wrist -- gently-yet-firmly and still somehow clammy-and-slimy. She was strangely aroused and repulsed, all at once.

" You know", Al begins., "I was the Inspiration for Love Story..."

Her Drug-store false eyelashes fluttered, her face reddened, and she nervously licked at her lips. Al knew that he had her now; they all fell for that line. Tipper fell hard for it --- that and the inherited Controlling Interest in Standard Oil. So did that Naomi Wolff, that little vixen. He began to remember fondly the six...no...seven whole minutes he had held Naomi in the sodden grip of flop-sweaty passion. It had been his crowning achievement, and had infused him with a sense of manhood that he had not felt since the days when he was writing for Stars and Stripes and pretending to be fighting the War in Vietnam until Daddy could pull enough strings. He remembered the blazing fire of the assault upon Tipper's head on the campaign trail, when he appeared so passionate and devoted to her that he almost sucked her into his being as if he were sucking the Bavarian Cream from the center of a doughnut.

Yes...panting feminists and women in prisons everywhere around the world mailed him their soiled underwear for months after that. Not even Clinton got that sort of love. But that was all in the past; the future, for at least the next three-to-five minutes -- more if he could manage to contain the raging Beast Totem in the Towel -- was now there before him. She was panting now, her chest ( with one breast hanging four inches below the other, and the thick, reinforced underwire of her brassiere became visible beneath the fabric ("Steel-Belted Radials", All liked to call those. He wondered, "Front-loader or back-loader?) was heaving like the stormy North Atlantic.

The Goremeister had caused a Storm in her Maidenforms. She was dead in his sights now.

"Don't be afraid, Yummymuffins. I may have invented the Internet, but no one will know of our passion. It will be OUR guilty secret...".

She wilted at that, delivered as it was with a slight Southern drawl and that sibilant-yet-slightly-effeminate "s" of his. She was now all his. He pulled her closer and began to negotiate the towel so that his throbbing, massive-relative-to-your-average-cocker-spaniel Pelvis Bazooka -- the Green Hornet, as he liked to call it -- could be unleashed in all of it's glory. Yes...she was well-and-truly his, and She would be yet another notch in his ever-expanding belt. There was a flash, like lightning. A quick stirring in his loins, an explosion of ecstasy that caused white-hot spots to float before his eyes, and which made him slightly dizzy thanks to the Watered-Down-Canadian-Healthcare System Viagra he had been taking, and he had marked her forever with a hot load of Environmentally-friendly Man-Milk...all over that sexy-as-a-Phony-Carbon-Credit-Sold-Under-False-Pretenses (allegedly) starched smock. "Mark your territory well", Bill had always told him. It was a valuable lesson. He held her gaze for another seven, maybe ten seconds, so that she could bask in the afterglow. All women needed to bask. Al knew this, being the quiet, passionate, unselfish type who always saw to a woman's needs.

"I'll bet you keep that smock forever, Snugglelumps. No one does it like ManBearPig". She sighed, and was about to speak. "No...not another word about it", he said as he pressed his thoroughly-gooey finger gently across her lips. "We must part now, and keep our Runaway Passion a secret, for those parts of the planet that manage to avoid being flooded by sea-level rise, de-forested by the Inhumanity of Mankind, the shores piled waist-deep in drowned polar bears, all destroyed in the Name of the Internal Combustion Engine, burned to the ground by Acid Rain, or frosted over by the Next Ice Age could never understand what passes between us...".

With that, Al Gore, The Love-em-and-Leave-'Em Ambassador of Mother Gaia, wiped his sexed-up hand upon her cheek, hitched his towel back into place, and in a motion that was reminiscent of a crippled walrus trying to refloat itself from a shingle beach, swung the massive U.S.D.A. Grade-A hamhocks he called legs off the table, and waddled to the door, leaving a tangled mat of greasy back hairs on the smooth, vinyl surface of the table. An Oil Slick of Romance. He paused to give her one last, piercing come-hither look from his watery-yet-still-somehow-smouldering eyes, that bulged out from beneath his Just-for-Men-treated eyebrows, only to find that she was vomiting copiously upon the floor.

It was always the same. Al always had that effect on women; he made them all sooooo fucking hot -- hotter than a rapidly-heating atmosphere burdened with the excess carbon dioxide of a civilization intent upon it's own doom -- that their bodies just could not withstand the onslaught. Now that his Inner-Beast had been Unleashed, he set about seeking more nubile prey. There must be a sixty-plus-year-old T.V. satirist's wife just dying to be Gored by Gore...."

And now you know why I've been puking for a week...

Me and my goddamned imagination! I won't sleep for a year.