Monday, December 07, 2009

Tiger the Tiger...

This says more than I really wanted to know.

I mean, as if hating Tiger Woods for being rich beyond all his true relevance wasn't enough, now you have to hear he's hung like a bear and has the stamina of a wolverine.

There are probably hundreds of bimbos lining up right now to expose ever more of Tiger's dirty laundry. I have no sympathy whatsoever. We've all fucked up at one time or another, and I can remember very few people being sympathetic to me when I did it, so I figure I'm just passing on a great American tradition of pointing and jumping up and down, while adding nothing constructive or redemptive to the conversation.

I'm laughing by balls off at him, though. And that's before we get to the S&M allegations.

I find Tiger's so-called taste in mistresses somewhat strange, but comprehensible. They all seem to have the same qualities about them; they're convenient, they make themselves so, they all seem to believe they're just a heartbeat away from becoming the next Mrs. Woods (which makes them stupid), they're absolute dingbats with obvious self-esteem problems, complete with flashing lights and blaring sirens..

Tiger made the mistake most super-wealthy men with power issues and wandering penises make; they screw whatever comes to hand...as it were. And much of what comes to hand is actually thrown at them by virtue of their power or fame, by women who usually are dumb as a post (easy to take advantage of), suffering from some form of mental defect (they're needy and desperate), or who know exactly what they're doing and will milk it for personal gain the second you show a sign of weakness (the most dangerous ones of all). The Powerful Male decides that whatever their actual motivation, they are simply a place he can park his dick when he wants to, and that they can later be discarded, sent packing or paid off whenever he's done with them. What does he care? They are simply subjects to him; they are something that he desires and can easily have. Lesser beings who's proper place is to worship and serve him. He has no real respect or feelings for them. The hair pulling and domination thing this latest woman talks about is a classic example; it's all about having and exercising power over another.

In this regard, at least, there is little difference between Tiger Woods, and say, Henry VIII, except that none of the 'Other Women' have been killed for becoming suddenly inconvenient.

Last night, I was watching Geraldo on Fox News, and there was an interesting segment about the reaction of black women to the Tiger Woods scandal, particularly, insofar as all of Tiger's mistresses appear to be white women. Black women seem to be feeling left out. "How come Tiger has no black bimbos?" they want to know.

Actually, I think they do know...and it still makes them jealous. But ladies, really, just what are you jealous of? You should be jealous of someone this shallow, that knowingly engages in an affair with a married man, and then gets herself a lawyer afterwards? You should be jealous of a woman who pours her heart out to the New York Post in a manner that describes her as little more than a handy sperm receptacle and convenient object of abuse? You're jealous of a bunch of women who are so down on themselves that they have to steal another woman's husband and bask in the glow of his fame in order to feel good about themselves -- and then get unceremoniously dumped, or exposed to public ridicule for it?

Successful black men go for the Forbidden Fruit of White Women to symbolize their rise in what's perceived as a racist society, just as Successful White Men hunt down Asian women to symbolize their conquest of the exotic, or Muslims and Japanese crave blonds. Every race/ethnic group has it's own Mandingo-like theme going on. I think we can be honest about that. Besides, these women are not people to Tiger; they are simply trophies, like a moose head on the wall, or a notch in the belt, and that's when they aren't just a tool to get his freak on....and then leave.

Besides, Black Ladies, that Forbidden Fruit thing works in reverse, too. I know plenty of good white men who would fall for a good black woman in a heartbeat, so why fixate on why Tiger doesn't seem to want you as merely one of his concubines?

Right now, even with all his money, all his stamina, and his apparently-humongous tallywhacker, I wouldn't want to be Tiger Woods at all. He's been exposed; his deepest, most personal secrets are being aired in the public domain. His wife has grounds for both divorce and extortion. There's people laughing at him for his plight, and his choice of women. The Press (such as it is) is at his door 24/7. He's probably mad as hell at himself (not for cheating, because I think his ego really is that inflated, but for getting caught). I'd be frightened shitless that the worst is yet to come, if I were him.

And he's probably right about that. There could be a baby mama out there, somewhere...

Start praying, Tiger, and let this be a lesson to you about keeping your pants on.

1 comment:

Greasywrench said...

I can see the bumper stickers now. They'll read "Honk If You Haven't F**ked Tiger Woods".

And yes, somewhere a woman with a baby is sure to emerge. Bet on it!