Saturday, January 09, 2010

This Just In: Newark Security Breacher is a Horny Bastard...

Courtesy of JammieWearingFool, the jerk off who shut down Newark Liberty Airport for six hours last week by walking the wrong way through the security area turns out to be a Chinese grad student who just couldn't let his girlfriend leave without another kiss goodbye.

Then it turns out that once this genius had figured out that he was responsible for all the mayhem, he doesn't do the decent thing and turn himself in and explain himself -- oh no, that would be too easy -- he decides that eventually the whole thing will blow over, so why say anything at all?

His roommate makes him sound like a complete loser ("He was just glad to have a real woman..."). Well, yeah, I can kinda see why that might make a guy kinda excited, but dude, at some point you DO get sick of them and just want to watch TV and drink beer in your underwear. I know guys that as soon as their girlfriend was on the other side of that security area, they'd be running for the door to find a pizza-scotch-and-poker party, or perhaps run home to watch something on TV that doesn't involve Oprah, Lifetime TV, or a douche commercial every four minutes. I guess he didn't know her long enough....But I digress...

Eventually, Homeland Security tracked the guy down (his picture's been on television about 20 times a day around here, so I'm betting they got a tip; DHS just proved on Christmas Eve they can't find terrorists that they already have an address for, so someone must have called and told them where to find the guy). Now if he thought he had trouble before, just wait until he's in their evil clutches now! He made them search for him for several days. You know what this means, right?

No Oreos during his interrogation, and they'll take his teddy bear away. Then he'll get a free lawyer.

Now if it were up to me, I'd hope they throw him a considerably-painful beating for being an asshole, and then swiftly deport his dumb ass back to China. He's obviously too inconsiderate and stupid to be left to his own devices -- and we have enough people like that wandering around Capitol Hill.

Perhaps the funniest (if there's anything funny at all here) quote from that story is this one, regarding the Security Guard who left his post:

"The stunning breach was missed by TSA guard Ruben Hernandez, who left his post, but was called a "model employee" by a union official. "

Considering unions often have extremely low standards, this does not inspire confidence. Considering this union is still chock-full of the same people who brought you 9/11, can't stop a terrorist they have foreknowledge of, and now this, it inspires a feeling of absolute dread. I have to go throw up...

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