Thursday, May 06, 2010

The Solution to Terrorism...

Just to avoid another Times Square Bombing, here's my take on what we should do:

1. Take all the guys in Gitmo, the Underwear Bomber, Jose Padilla, Taliban Johnny, and now this latest loser, the Times Square Fuck-Up, and bring 'em to a nice, comfy stadium someplace.

2. Set up lots of video cameras. Especially those ones that are capable of the Super-Slo-Mo in HD.

3. Sell tickets. Maybe $10 a head, and give the money to wounded vets, and the 9/11 cops and firemen who are suffering from sarcoidosis, cancers and immune system deficiencies since they worked on the World Trade Center pile.

4. Have all the Terrorists brought out before the rabid crowd hopped up on vast quantities of Budweiser (The King of Beers! I smell a marketing opportunity here!). March 'em out butt-naked (the terrorists, not the crowd), and with cute little messages painted upon their bodies. Things like "I blow camels", or "I'm afraid of women!", or perhaps "The Man Who Butt-Raped Me in the Madrassah said I was Cute!". My personal favorite would be "I Joined Al'Qaeda and All I got Was This Lousy Dose of Clap From Another Man".

5. Let them all be beaten to death by women and children wielding wooden clubs...with spikes set in 'em. Maybe we could set dogs on 'em, too?

6. Upon confirmation of a death of one of the terrorists, we'll have a brigade of incontinent rabbis standing by to whizz upon the corpses. Make sure the you get at least three cameras on it, and make sure at least one is a Slo-Mo closeup.

7. Slather the bodies in bacon grease, and set them alight.

8. Auction the ashes off on E-Bay, either as a once-in-a-lifetime collector's item, or as a substitute kitty litter.

9. Make sure that video gets picked up by Al-Jazeera, and YouTube. Run it 24/7/365 on basic cable systems all over America. Transmit it over every conceivable wavelength so that no one on Earth capable of receiving any form of electronic signal can possibly miss it.

10. The second the "Festivities" are complete, have the US Military begin the process of turning the heart of the Middle East (Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan) into a vast wasteland incapable of supporting human life. No more building schools, no more bringing clean water to barbarians, no more defending the next generation of Saddam Husseins and Mullah Omars behind American guns. No more Foreign Aid. We'll then issue the Great Challenge to American Science, and have them genetically-engineer an amoeba of some sort that'll eat sand and crap oil, and begin the process of repopulating the region with a more useful lifeform than Muslims.

No more visas for anyone coming fromt he Middle East, and the ones already here ought to get some deeper, and much more uncomfortable, scrutiny.

And yeah, that's hate speech, but fuck 'em. I'm getting tired of sexually-frustrated nutjobs deciding God told them it's a good idea to blow my city to smithereens.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; This War on Terror has always been short on the War part, and no one is terrorizing and killing the Muslims who started it. Until someone does this, it's simply a (very-expensive to the US Taxpayer) Public-Relations Campaign With Guns, and they'll keep trying whether the singular nutcase or the grand, organized affair.

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