What We Saw at The GOP Convention...

Apologies for being a bit late with this. Tess has been deathly ill, and I've been kinda busy keeping her alive. Which is more than Obamacare would have done.

In keeping with our general theme this week, let's wrap up what we saw at the GOP convention. In no particular order:


1. Rob Portman - It's a good thing Paul Ryan was available to be Romney's running mate. Portman's name had been bandied about as a potential VP, but after his performance at the convention, it's obvious that while the man may have a mind like a steel trap, he's plain vanilla. You'd find more excitement at a grass growing competition. This man is supposed to be one of the GOP "stars", but the only connection he has to stardom is his surname.

And Natlie Portman is a hottie. Maybe if she gave a speech....

2. Pam Bondi and That Other Dude - that was a poor ventriloquist's act, vis-a-vis the legal fight against Obamacare. That Other Dude is a pygmy, and about as attractive and interesting as what you'd expect comes out of the hind end of a buffalo. I can't even be bothered to look up his name; that's how bland and unappealing he was.

One other thing I noticed, and not that it matters, but Pam Bondi isn't quite as hot as I thought she was. A little too much extra around the middle for my tastes. Still, I think if they had left her up there alone to do the anti-Obamacare thingy, it would have been a much more convincing presentation. Note to the GOP for the future: always go with your best, and don't make an exception and include The Other Dude just for the sake of revving up the delegates from a state you've probably already got wrapped up.

3. Condi Rice - God, how I miss that woman! If she isn't Romney's Secretary of State, then Romney really is the dunce that some on the left portray him to be.

She hit all the high notes on foreign policy: How Obama has destroyed our alliances; how Obama's policies make us seem weak and uncommitted to the worst elements in the world; Missile Defense; Trade policies that turn our adversaries into our suppliers and undercut our own industries; Keeping our military edge against all enemies; the general dearth of leadership in the world that used to be an America specialty.

Sure, Hillary Clinton could take Condi Rice in an arm wrestling match, or a bar brawl, but Condi makes the Hildebeeste look like the misshapen lump of stupid that she truly is. A rturn of Rice to the foreign policy ranks would gain Romney points in the international arena five seconds after she was re-hired.

4. Paul Ryan - The man looks presidential. In fact, both he and Romney did. Smart as a whip. Self-deprecating. Humorous. There should be no question whatsoever that if Romney took a heart attack or a bullet that someone responsible, smart and willing to take on the responsibility is on the job.

5. The Christie Buzz - So, someone kept Christie's Ralph Kramden act in check, did they? All this fear of offending the "independent voter" with the sort of forceful rhetoric that's often required in politics is a sick joke. Someone ought to remind the GOP that "independent" voters are natural fence-sitters who either wait until the very last moment to decide who is offering the better bribe, or they are completeretards who don't pay attention to politics to begin with.

In fact, I would hazard to guess that most "independent voters" are the sort of people who run screaming from anything that requires the expenditure of braincells. Unfortunately, you can't win elections without them, if only because they represent the "Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Moe" factor that could count for 3-5 points in either direction, depending on how many times they have to flip that coin to make their minds up.

Christie will be unleashed, for sure, now that the television cameras are not spotlighting him, but I think it was a mistake to cage the tiger on this one.

6. MSNBC - if you late race-baiting 24/7/365, this was the news outlet for you. Stupid commentary delivered by stupid people using small words for an audience of even bigger dipshits, is not a recipe for a successful news network. I would be surprised if MSNBC manages to remain in business over the next decade, which would mean Chris Matthews could return to shining shoes, and Rachel Maddow would be forced to return to the high steel work she was so obviously good at before she licked the right carpet to get this gig.

Ed Schultz should simply be taken out and shot. You know you're a poor excuse for a network when you trot out Al fuckin' Sharpton to address matters of race and racism, and this, apparently, is not only the best you can do, but the only guy you can consistently find. Eugene Robinson is simply a fucking hole in the air.

As an aside, rumor has it that Chrissy Matthews got his panties all in a bunch and started a fight with some republicans in a local restaurant. I'm led to understand that Chrissy was told off in no uncertain terms, told he terrible taste in shoes, and ran off crying like the menstrual little cunt that he is.

They should rename that network PMSNBC.

7. Juan Williams - You know, for a guy who complained about Liberal Biases at NPR -- in fact, he wrote a best-selling book on his trials and tribulations, and ultimate firing, caused by the PC-run-amok character of NPR -- Juan apparently has no problem trotting them out whenever he wants to. Generally, Williams is a good journalist and commentator; even if you don't agree with him, he's still amiable and intelligent. However, his characterization of Anne Romney as a "Corporate Wife" with all the negative Stepford Wives and Mad Men connotations attached was a low blow. The implication was that Ann Romney was simply lucky, and married a rich dude, and therefore, was less of a woman and unworthy of a libtard's respect.

People in glass houses, Juan, and all that. It was nice to see Ann Coulter put you in your place the following night.

8. Tim Pawlenty and Mike Huckabee - I put them together because they represent pretty much the same thing. Firstly, you can see why both lost their bids to become the GOP nominee; Pawlenty can drone you to sleep, and Huckabee is little more than a praying douchebag.

One gets the impression that Pawlenty would have made a good guest host on Mister Roger's Neighborhood, and Huckabee would have been a top-flight greeter at your local Wal-mart, if someone could manage to pull the broomstick out of his ass. Oh, sorry, that's not a broomstick...that's the late Jerry Falwell's penis. My bad.

9. Susana Martinez - Can we stop pandering to Hispanics, already? Although Martinez gave an excellent speech, and proved a sterling example of the "Big tent" philosophy of the republican party, I think all this kow-towing to the vaunted Hispanic vote is about the equivalent of the dimwits pandering to Blacks. We complain loudly when the dems infantalize and kiss butt with Black People, why is it different when we do the same thing with Spanish-speakers?

Oh, right: because the Party Bigwigs are under the mistaken impression that Hispanics are, by-and-large, Family Values voters, which they interpret to mean anti-abortion. Actually, most Hispanics are, probably,  for all intents and purposes, democrats already. Many come from poor countries and the idea of sucking on the American taxpayer teat under the announced protection of the democrats appeals to them. Of course, many do the same under the tacit protection of the GOP, who need to suck up to the Small Business Lobby, which is why immigration law is such a hash (by the way, when a politician of either party uses the words "Comprehensive Immigration Reform" what they really mean is "Amnesty"; dems want Amnesty because they know the now-no-longer-illegals will vote for a continuation and expansion of the welfare state, and the GOP does it because it has recognized the Demographic Time Bomb that all that unfettered illegal immigration has become. Within a very short time, the majority of people in this country will be of Hispanic descent, and both sides want to kiss ass the best they can.

Anyways, Martinez is another GOP star, and I had not known a thing about her before her speech the other night. Keep your eyes on this woman, because she's not just another token Hispanic trotted out to show the GOP's inclusiveness, she apparently has brains and guts, too.

10. Marco Rubio- speaking of pandering to Hispanics, it's about time the GOP gave up it's love affair with the Cuban "exile" community of South Florida. After three generations, the Floridian Cubans are no longer the victims of Communism -- they are the Western Hemisphere's version of the Palestinians.

As for Rubio, I can see why he was on Romney's VP short list. I wrote on this very page that selecting Rubio for VP would probably be a mistake -- I still it would be at this date -- but I might have to start re-evaluating that opinion. Rubio struck me as a competent, personable man. He may have the makings of some fine Presidential Timber in another decade.

11. Jeb Bush - loved the theme: Hey, lay off my brother, and start acting like a man, Obama. He called the Obamatard out, and all but called him a pussy on national television. Definitely someone to look out for as Secretary of Education, just in time to begin the process of eliminating a federal cabinet post which does exactly the opposite of it's stated mission.

The DOE does not educate anyone. It sets no national curriculum, it sets no national standards. It simply exists to put another layer of bureaucracy between the government and the school, very expensively, and with political implications. The DOE gots to go, and wouldn't it be nice to see Jeb Bush -- the savior of Florida's schools -- go about wrecking it from the inside, and replacing the monstrosity with all sorts of things like voucher systems, school choice directives and more local school control?

12. Clint Eastwood - Superb! The Obama-as-empty-chair thing was awesome, although Clint looked and sounded a little confused during the whole routine. In any case, Dirty Harry made a few excellent points that bear constant repeating: Politicians are the employees of the people, and, when someone ain't getting the job done, it's time to show them the door.

Apparently, the Empty Seat routine got under President 18th-Hole's skin, and he answered Eastwood's jibes with some nonsense on Twitter. Which just goes to prove that Barack Obama never misses an opportunity to demean the Presidency, and the man can't take a joke when it's about him. GWB was mercilessly lampooned, as was Reagan, and they both managed to keep a stiff upper lip. The only stiff Obama does wears the wedding ring he gave it. Stupid and conceited is a deadly combination, and I think we've seen what they lead to these last four years. The Jug Earred Jackass has to go.

13. Mitt Romney - I swear, I thought he was gonna cry in the first few minutes of his speech. And then he got a bit angry, and showed a backbone. You saw something happen last night that many of his detractors have said was impossible: Romney showed emotion. Romney appeared to be a human being, and not some cold-fish automaton that someone wound up and stuck on the campaign trail. I think Romney found his voice, and the seriousness with which he takes this responsibility of running for President was evident; Romney himself, in that speech, may have been the best television advertisement for Romney to date.

Obama is in serious trouble. Too bad he can't unilaterally quit and then leave the country.

Next week, it'll be the dimwit's turn in Charlotte, and I'll be watching the expected Wall-to-Wall-Estrogen-and-Pissed-Off-Lesbian version of the Democratic National Convention very closely. Stay tuned.