Thursday, December 31, 2009

What Are They Smoking?

TSA pats itself on the back for a Very Successful 2009. The nerve of these people! They didn't even wait for Jan 1 to make that claim! Must be a bureaucrat clearing up that last minute we-don't-function-without-all-of-you-we-really-thank-you-for-your-efforts-managerial-bullshit exercise that they all do, but never mean (it's only intended to make people feel better about themselves in lieu of a raise) , before taking his extended holiday vacation (I wonder, was that asshole flying anywhere?).

"Successful" is defined as "nobody got blown up", in the final analysis, but that this sort of thing didn't happen had very little to do with TSA. If I recall my news coverage, most of the incidents aboard aircraft this past year seem to have involved passengers and crew ganging up against the criminals, the drunkards, the insane and the terrorists.

But, some might say, it's all in how you define success that really matters.

If you defined "successful" as "we found a bomb taped to a guy's dick and kept him as far away from a plane as possible, and had him in custody before he could do any harm", then I might find that a reasonable claim to make.

If you defined "success" as "we kept a guy who was on a terror watch list, travelling with no luggage, no visas or other travel documents, on a ticket bought with cash, who had recently traveled to Yemen, with a Muslim-sounding name, who -- go figure! --just happened to have had a bomb hidden in his drawers", I might find that a reasonable claim to make.

If you defined "successful" as "stopping that guy with the Muslim-sounding name, the bomb in his drawers, on a terrorist watch list, on the radar at the State Department, CIA and British security services, who was in Yemen, and travelling on a ticket paid for in cash, with no luggage and no visas before he ever got on an airplane in Nigeria, or Amsterdam, and made the Trans-Atlantic crossing", then I might find that a reasonable claim to make.

If you defined "success" as "we stopped the guy with the underwear bomb, the Muslim-sounding name, the ticket paid for in cash, with no visa, on the watch list at CIA, State Department and the Brits, who wasn't stopped in Nigeria or Amsterdam, and made the Trans-Atlantic Crossing, and then tried to set himself and the plane on fire before an alert (and very brave) civilian stomped his ass and beat the flames out with his bare fucking hands", then we have a problem. A huge one. Because nowhere in any of that do I even see "TSA" mentioned.

Because you did none of those things, and the report points out there are problems elsewhere in your shop. Listen, TSA, as much as we do appreciate the (little) that you do for us, you have to understand -- you need to be perfect. Not pretty good, not satisfactory, not win-more-than-you-lose. Fucking Perfect. Every day. All the time. And even if you achieved that elusive goal, you'll still get no praise for it because that's your fucking job. This might be the last pat on the back any of you ever get.

Stuff your pat on the back, and go find me a Muslim Killer with a dirty nuke in his rectum and stop him in Riyadh before he gets here.

Update: Ann Coulter agrees with me.

Update-Update: OMGOMGOMG! So do Gay Democrats! What is this world coming to? I'd laugh about how people who scream for tolerance can be so blatantly hypocritical. It probably doesn't occur to them in the first place (no surprise), and is probably more a visceral reaction to the Muslim practice of stoning homosexuals than it is standing upon the principles of 'equality' that they're always crying about. I just wish they didn't have to make the point with pastel-colored teddy bears because...well...that's gay.
(Ooops! I screwed up my HTML and posted that Care Bears pic up top of the post! Actually, I kinda like it. Now, where are my Liza Minelli CD's?)

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