Monday, February 08, 2010

About That Healthcare Thing...

I've had yet another fascinating discussion this day with one of those cantankerous Baby Boomers. I call these little chats 'fascinating' because this particular person is one of those who typify the attitude of the Baby Boomer generation; she's entitled to everything by virtue of having been alive and managing to survive the Vietnam era, the absolute worst period of American history since the Kennedy Assassination, which itself was the worst period of American history since they took Annette Funicello off television.

For them, there is no period of time which exists outside the limited scope of their own self-indulgent experience; the 1950's, when they were mollycoddled and given everything under the sun, the 1960's when they rebelled and fucked everything on two (and sometimes even four) legs, and the 1970's when they discovered abortion, cocaine, disco and multiple divorces. So long as it's something that makes them feel good, but which ultimately has no point, you can expect this sort of Baby Boomer to grasp for it with both hands and virtually no sense of shame.

Be that as it may, the discussion this morning revolved around why she should be entitled to free healthcare at my (and her grandchildren's, and great-grandchildren's) expense; she once worked for a living, you know.

Yeah, you're the only person who did, right? No one else has ever worked for a living besides you Baby Boomers? Now, having once worked for a living, the rest of us are somehow mystically compelled to continue to work so you can keep on living? That's rather selfish of you, isn't it? She stated that she was entitled to the right to live her life any way she saw fit, and that if The Government (i.e. the taxpayer) was going to help her do it healthier and cheaper, that was a good thing. She intends to be just as healthy in 20 years as she is now, and she says, she'll be just as sexy then, too (it was difficult to decide whether that was intended as a joke, I think, because this woman's visage could not only stop a clock, but clog a toilet, and she is rather clueless). She says she wants men to find her attractive well into old age.

Let's get this straight: I don't want this person dead. I certainly don't want her dead from some preventable disease or condition. But I'm not paying to keep her in replacement knees, false teeth, life support, sexual aids, breast enhancements and all the free happy pills she can swallow way longer than she'll be able to make any sort of useful contribution to society. Because, frankly, this is a major reason why they (Baby Boomers) want free healthcare; it's not all about being taken care of when they're about to shuffle off this mortal coil, it's often not even about doing all they can to postpone that dreadful day. The Baby Boomer argument for free healthcare is that medical science is making it possible for older people to lead more 'productive lives' (defined as being able to better enjoy the years when they're no longer wanted or needed in the workforce, and become otherwise useless to society, but still able to get an erection or have an orgasm).

You only need to watch television every day to see what the Baby Boomer Generation actually wants in it's "healthcare": pills to get it up, pills to get it up on a schedule, pills to stave off the heart attack that comes when you're getting it up, pills to keep your bones strong enough so you can try out the Kama Sutra without that terrible snapping sound, pills to keep you stupid-happy even though you've just discovered that sex after 60 really sucks. Pills to grow hair, the better to attract a sexual conquest on the mountain bike trail (amazing how many 60-year-olds seem to be wearing Spandex bike shorts on Television). Pills to keep your brain active so that your Alzheimer's-ravaged mind might remember his/her name after the fling is over.

Oh, and non-messy, un-oozey denture pastes so that you don't lose your teeth, or gross your partner out when you're Frenchin'.

They don't appear to want free healthcare so they can live longer and be more useful, as much as they seem to want free healthcare so that they can fuck all day after retirement. Because to a Baby Boomer, eternal youth can only be truly measured in orgasms.

To those who would ask "why shouldn't people be able to enjoy their Golden Years to their fullest? What do you have against people who only want to have a bit of fun before they run the course of years?"

They can enjoy whatever the fuck they want, just so long as they pay for it themselves. And since they'll live far longer than previous generations, they'll not only become more expensive as time wears on, they'll also have nothing to do (other than fuck, of course) but vote; and once you allow free Viagra for Grampa, and a Butt Implant for Granma, it's a very short leap (and a few Congressional seats) to penile implants and In-vitro Fertility treatments; you'll soon have the argument that 80 is the new 30, and why wouldn't a couple that old have more children if they wanted to,and are physically capable of it?

Which is pretty fucking disgusting, if you ask me, but Baby Boomers have made, and won, dumber arguments before. But, perhaps the very worst aspect of the whole Healthcare debate that often gets overlooked is that if Obamacare or some similar monstrosity is ever passed, the tone and thrust (no pun intended!) of political debate in this country will change forever. Once Obamacare becomes an expectation, a right, a part of the culture, no Republican in this country will ever be able to campaign against it, even in the context of "fiscal responsibility". Those on the right will be forced to defend a leftist proposition, even allow it to continue to exist in an ever-expanding form, in order to maintain even the possibility of ever acquiring or exercising political power. If you doubt that observation, just remember that Social Security is stil here, and when G.W. Bush set out to "reform" Medicare, and all he got was a Prescription Drug benefit, an expansion of benefits, and one of John McCain's top-five "Fuck you, Georgie Boy!" moments; the Gang of 14.

Medicare is still here, only now it costs more, and is being taken advantage of by people who live and die by their gonads. It's not about to go anywhere, and even when The Won talks about "cutting $500 billion" from Medicare, he's really only talking about an accounting trick, shuffling half a billion from one irresponsible federal "health" program, to a bigger and even more irresponsible one, that will put obligations upon generations yet unborn.

But for people like my Boomer-would-be-octogenarian-sex-poodle, that even isn't a consideration. She just wants her free Botox and porn-star labiaplasty so that she might "enjoy" her retirement.


Sabra said...

The snark is at a premium, today, Matthew! "But for people like my Boomer-would-be-octogenarian-sex-poodle..." Orgasmic prose with that one, Sir! [Pun intended.]

You are definitely someone it would be fabulous to have a few drinks with. The conversation - if you speak in the same tone that you so eloquently put words on a computer screen - would be mesmerizing, no doubt.

I'll snicker all day with the "Boomer-would-be-octogenarian-sex-poodle" quip. I will likely go so far as to try to use that in a conversation. Dayum. The whole post. You might want to consider just how high you want to set the bar for yourself. One of these days it is going to be hard to top, isn't it?

Matthew said...

Not only do I speak in the same tone, but I also do it with a Brooklyn accent!

Thank you for your kind words, but I'm hardly eloquent; it's more like a Cesspool of Consciousness, and sometimes it's just an overflow that makes it's way to the webpage.

Or maybe it's just Word Vomit?

And as far as eloquence goes, I only wish I could be 1/10th as descriptive, yet succinct, as George Orwell. That boy could write!