Socialism With a Smiley Face...

Green Energy is all about Wasting Energy…and Cash.

So no one should be taken by complete surprise that yet another Obama-administration-backed Green Energy company is about to get flushed down the toilet, but only after it has wiped it's ass with millions of taxpayer dollars.

The World is Coming to An End: Film at 11...

I was talking to my friend Mike the other day, and he told me about something that was so uproariously stupid that I feel compelled to write about it, and share it with you all. It's what we do here at the Asylum; point out the stupidity of others and laugh our asses off over it.

Mike, it turns out, has been listening to Evangelical Christian radio. Not because he fears for his immortal soul, or because he believes in an Invisible Man in the Sky Who's All-Knowing and All-Powerful, yet somehow managed to create violent, irrational human beings, the platypus, the camel, and ABBA, but because he finds it so funny.
 
He was telling me about one of these radio Evangelists (you will not get his name here, because this is a seriously dangerous douchebag) who has told his retarded audience that the World Will End by May 31, 2011. I guess if you have any hope of being Raptured to the Right Hand of the Father, you'd best start packing now. Anyways, it appears as if people call this idiot for last-minute advice on all manner of things; people ask if they should take new jobs (the answer: No, dispshit, because the World will explode in a couple of weeks), should they still go ahead with that June wedding they had planned (answer: No dipshit, because the World will explode in a couple of weeks), and, naturally, How Do I Save Myself When the World Explodes in A Couple of Weeks? (answer: Go pray a lot...and send me money, Dipshit).
 
Now, apart from the obvious stupidity of people seeking life-altering guidance from someone who makes his living telling them they'll all be dead unless they pray real hard, the real stupidity lies in the premise that when the World Explodes that anyone is going to be 'saved'.
 
Mankind, in case no one ever told you, is ultimately doomed. Thousands, maybe millions even, of other life forms that have inhabited this planet have all gone extinct at some point in history,and there is no reason not to think that we too, in our turn, will also go the way of the Wooly Mammoth, the Triceratops, or the Dodo Bird. One of the consequences of Life is the Possibility of Extinction. How we ultimately meet our final fate, I think, matters not: the planet could be hit by a comet or asteroid, the Earth's crust might burst asunder under the strain of volcanism or tectonic forces, some minor flu will evolve into a super-strain that kills us all, we'll extinguish life with nuclear war, or our Sun will go nova and bake this tiny planet in an instant. There is little that we can do to stop these things. Our science and our intelligence only takes us so far, and short of Men making the great leap across the Universe to other worlds, we're going to be extinct, and  little to no trace of us will be left.
 
If it makes you feel better to believe that your soul, spirit, ghost, essence, chakra, ki, whatever, will persist after death, then by all means, be my guest. Far be it from me to tell you that I have all the answers, or that you shouldn't believe what you want to believe, but it seems that nowadays everyone is obsessed with the End of Everything.

It's gotten so bad that the History Channel now produces a show called Life After People, which is all about what happens to the world after mankind disappears, which is pretty stupid if you think about it: the History Channel is running a show about a time when History --as we perceive it --comes to an End. Go figure. Then again, it's probably better -- and more topical -- than Ice Road Truckers, or Swamp People. It's certainly more interesting.

Apocalyptic Christianity has become a big business, and is mostly a scam, in my opinion. It's purpose is to frighten people into the fold, and in the process, pry their cash from them. I'm certain when Pastor Asshole- on-the-Radio's prediction fails to come true on June 1st, he'll still be on the air, if only because people are truly dopey, and he has a ready-made excuse for why what he said will happen didn't; God will destroy the World Only When God Sees Fit To, and he cannot be prodded into it before he's ready to by Man, or, he was really just trying to get people to repent and make their peace with God before God really does Her thing with his Chicken Little routine. Or my personal favorite, the one that's supposed to end all debate or stop all questions; God Works in Mysterious Ways. No matter; the Ends justify the Means, especially if the Ends were several million bucks in donations and commercial fees and a higher public profile for Pastor Dickhead, and a few more fannies in the pews. I'm sure that will comfort the people who called off their weddings, or didn't take that lucrative job offer on his advice, to no end.

What people tend to forget is that the Bible was written by people -- and it might not be the best thing to take literally -- because as is often the case, people make mistakes, they misinterpret things, they let their biases creep onto the page, or they have agendas that they're pushing. Lately, there's been much talk about 'Bible Codes' in which it is said that there are coded messages hidden within the text of the biblical passages that can foretell future events, but I believe this about as much as I believe in my Lucky Astrology Mood Watch. The Bible is not the Word of God (beings that do not exist do not leave Words behind); it is a history --and a heavily-biased one, at that -- of the Hebrews and early Christians which seeks to provide a divine justification for what they have done. Mostly that was to kill and disposses Caananites and Phillestines and all the rest, because God 'promised' the land to them. You would think that an All-Powerful, All-Knowing God would just promise them an uninhabited place to live in, seeing as She (if there is a God, it must be a She) had just told them five minutes ago in the desert that Thou Shall Not Kill, Steal, Lie or Covet Your Neighbor's Goods (wouldn't that mean his land, too?), and all that.
 
The New Testament, as we know it today, is very much a political document; it was supposed to authenticate and legitimize Christianity, and thus, give it's great champion, Constantine, the divine cover he needed to explain his otherwise treasonous activities, i.e. leading a civil war and usurping the power of the Emperor of Rome. It had to be compiled and rewritten in such a way as to ensure that Christ could always be seen as the ultimate expression of ancient Hebrew prohpecy concerning a Messiah. The fact that the Christ myth as we know it seems an awful lot like the Roman adaptation and worship of the Persian god Mithras is conveniently forgotten... or mostly unknown.
 
If you're going to depend upon an ancient document, full of 'prophecy' as your guide to the End of theWorld, you could at least pick an ancient document that hasn't been (mis-)translated four billion times from seven thousand languages, and which has not been subjected to the requirements of political and cultural propaganda, I would think. The Bible as predictive tool is useless, in my opinion, because it has been so-obviously manipulated.
 
Another Apocalyptic theme that has gained much popular attention these days is the Mayan Prophecy, in which it is said that the ancient Mayans of Mexico have pinpointed the exact date of the End of the World, supposedly sometime in December of 2012. Which would really suck if a Republican managed to beat Barack Odumbass in November. The 'proof' that theMayan Prophecy will come true is that the Mayan Calendar comes to a complete halt in December 2012. Now, there could be a number of reasons why this should be so that don't necesarily mean Apocalypse; perhaps the astrologers/mathemeticians engaged in the project saw no need to go any further. Perhaps they were tired of making calculations. Maybe, there's another Mayan Calendar that picks up where the last one left off that we haven't found yet?
 
All I know is that people who suposedly had the smarts and the capabilities to accurately predict the future in such fashion should, logically, have been able to foresee their own demise; you would think they would have predicted the arrival of the Spanish...and smallpox. You have to wonder just how accurate and efficacious their predictive powers were if they couldn't even use them to save themselves.

Then there's the Nostradamus Idiots who constantly tell us that their hero has predicted every major event in modern history. The problem with Nostradamus, however, is that we never seem to hear of his 'predictions' until after something has happened. If Nostradamus was of any use, you figure someone would be able to tell you about it beforehand. So, we're told that Nostradamus 'predicted' the rise of Hitler (a claim long since disproven as Nazi propganada), the assassination of JFK, and 9/11, but always the announcement that Nostradamus 'predicted' this, that or the other comes only after the fact. Some prophet. Nostradamus is about as useful as a broken condom, or those Astrologers in your local newspaper. The Champions of Nostradamus will tell you this is because if they told people about one of these traumatic events beforehand, no one would believe them, but this is pure horseshit; I can say to you today that one day someone will have monkeys fly out of their rectum, and it's quite possible, given the vageries of time and history, that it might actually happen. Will I be celebrated as visionary prophet when that day comes? I rather doubt it.  
This, incidentally, is one of the problems with some modern scientific methods, too, like the Theory of Evolution; given a time scale of billions of years, and pure random chance, literally anything is possible. It doesn't make it true.
 
Still, I find it fascinating to watch people knowingly worry themselves stupid about something they have absolutely no control over. If the world comes to an End (as it surely must) just what, if anything, do you, the individual, expect to be able to do about it? Will you, personally, deflect that asteroid headed our way? Will you be able to keep the Earth's magnetic poles from shifting? Can you identify and find a cure for that Super-Virus that's out there waiting to kill us all? Probably not. And your government will probably be unable to do much of anything, either, and certainly not your Church; religions usually get people to do things which only benefit the religion, as an institution.
 
As for me, I keep a six-pack of Heineken's in the fridge, so that when the fateful day finally arrives, I can sit on the front porch with my Holocaust Heinies, and watch the fireworks, secure in the knowledge that when it's all over, one way or another, I will at least not have to pay another goddamned credit card bill, or scratch an income tax check, or sit through another Barack Obama use-lots-of-words-to-say-absolutely-nothing speech.
 
The Apocalypse, you see, isn't all bad news.

Green Energy is a Scam...

British taxpayers pay Scottish Wind Farms NOT to generate Electricty.

My American ex-pat bud in Watford, England told me about this yesterday, and he was incensed.

By the way, contrary to the assertion made by the screaming doofus quoted in the article, there is no such thing as a 'storage facility' for electricity; it's an on-demand commodity, and if you produce more than you use, the excess is wasted. It cannot be 'stored' like grain, water, or winter clothing.

But here's yet one more reason to finally come to the conclusion that Green Energy is a scam; the wind farm gets paid when it produces, but it also gets paid -- 20 times more-- to shut down, and I can promise you that all those windmills were paid for by a government subsidy (i.e. paid for by taxpayer money, with the taxpayer having no say in how the funds were spent).

Here's how the Green Energy Scam works:

Some douchebag screams about Greenhouse gasses and Global Warming and impending environmental doom.

Then some bigger douchebag, usually with a title like 'Minister of Parliament' or 'Congressman' figures there's some money to made here, or at least votes, and the possibility of getting some good PR.

The MP and the Congressroach get their rich buddies together (I think they call them 'constituents') and they craft a Green Energy Policy, a dire necessity if we're all to avoid dying of a really nasty sunburn or melting ice caps, and since the Private Sector -- i.e. people with brains who put them to use so as to make themselves rich -- won't invest in it (the return ain't worth it), then the Government simply must, as a last resort. It's the duty of the government to 'protect' it's citizens against the possibility of changing climate, you see, while neglecting to tell them that the same government can do jack shit if a comet were to be on collision course with the planet, every volcano on Earth blew at the same time, or some virus evolved into a Super-Bug that gave us all polka-dotted skin and jock itch before killing us, but no matter.

The 'Government', usually via closed-door session, or by the clever alternative of slipping a provision at the last minute into a absolutely humongous bill that no one ever bothers to read before voting on it, grabs billions in taxpayer funds to subsidize Green Energy Companies. Green Energy Companies, by the way, which the MP's or Congresscritter's friends, start -- at least on paper -- in expectation of a massive government grant.

The MP's and Congressdouche's friends might build a few windmills, shuffle some official papers about, and go through the motions of appearing to be a real company providing a real service to real customers, all the while reaping huge benefits in terms of further subsidies, grants, tax benefits, and the extraordinarily-and-purposely vague and ridiculous terms of contracts written with government aid that still allow them to get paid -- by the taxpayer -- handsomely whether they actually produce anything, or not.

In a few years, when the REAL energy companies (utilities, oil companies, etc)  get...ahem...wind...of how lucrative this windfarm scheme is, they simply make a takeover bid for the comeptition, and more cash changes hands, The instigators of the scam have gotten paid fifty times over, the public gets the shaft (because even if Exxon-Mobil now owns the windfarm, it's operating it under the same conditions as the previous owner -- i.e. get paid, no matter what), and your MP or Congressfucker gets a little on the side because they were the first people called when the IPO hits the market, and the first to know when the takeover offer is made so that they can get in and out of the stock at just the right time as to make a fortune.

The downside is that your electric bills go up, the government passes more regulations to screw your life up in order to protect what they have created, and your taxes continue to rise. Your life isn;t improved in any meaningful way, and guess what? All the talk about saving the environment was just that; talk. Because the people who can be counted upon to make the loudest noises about being Green are the people who usually know the absolute least...about everything.

Old Dogs and New Tricks...

As many of you know, I get a good laugh out of the scam e-mail that finds it's way into my junk folder. Despite all the heart-wrenching claims by the people (i.e. criminal organizations) in these missives to be poor, orphaned waifs, living under the threat of imminent assassination, they somehow always manage to have $3,000,000 bucks squirreled away by their corrupt-former-government-official father (who has always either been assassinated, or killed in a plane crash, and they send you a hyperlink to a news story about someone's grisly death as 'proof') that they just can't get to without the help of an anonymous stranger.

Or maybe it's some young girl, who hints there may be the possibility of marriage if you hear her plaintive wails, who has won a "Sweepstakes" (I didn't know they had any in Bangladesh, but apparently, they do. I wonder: what do you win? A lifetime supply of flies and diarrhea?), but because of the machinations of wicked relatives, they must flee for their lives with this newly found bounty, and somehow, you -- Anonymous Douchebag reading something G-mail flagged as Spam, But Then Sent Anyway -- are the only person in the universe who can help...by supplying your bank account number.

These sorts of scams always make me laugh, if only because the whole millieux is so patently ridiculous, and because the scam always follows the same, predictable script. It's a scam that is designed to take advantage of those baser human frailties which are the most easily manipulated: greed, stupidity, loneliness, reflexive sympathy, inability to think critically. Most people have the braincells to avoid these obvious hoaxes, and so they don't get ripped off by them.

However, the scammers are always getting more sophisticated. The early series of scam mail I used to get was in poorly-constructed English, which often made it hilarious, and the circumstances under which the young girl -- it was always a young girl, who has just finished her morning prayers before she decided to e-mail 30 million anonymous strangers for financial and immigration help --become ever-more outlandish and ever-more pitiful. No sooner did I start reposting the stuff to make fun of it, and to warn the dumber elements of society not to fall for this stuff, then I began to receive more sophisticated scam mail; better spelling and grammar more soap-opera-type storylines and plot-twists, less tear-jerking pre-amble, and more get-to-the-point-ed-ness. The quality of my scam mail improved virtually overnight!

It's as if the scammers are reading their reviews. The message they got: if you're going to try and steal from me, at least don't insult my intelligence! If only the U.S. Government had the work ethic and free-market instincts of these Nigerian/Russian e-mail scam artists who are constantly striving to improve the quality of their product to meet the high expectations of the most discerning consumers of spam!

Anyway, the latest iteration of this old 'gimme access to your bank account' scam has a new twist: the scammers are apparently watching the news, making their pitch to the potential victim topical and all current-eventy-ish, and loaded with little factoids about the Middle Eastern Kleptocracy that you were just dying to know, but were afraid to ask. I've already gotten seven or eight of these things this week, all of them claiming to be from former officials of the gone/tottering/soon-to-fall regimes of Mubarak, Khadaffi, or the Saudi Royal Family, amongst others.

Here's this week's best offering. Please note the two new twists to the original template; now it's the scammer's wife and children who have been assassinated (maybe aimed specifically at potential female victims?), and just so you can't fact-check the claim (just in case you have just enough intelligence to at least make a cursory check of the complete stranger you're about to give access to your bank account to), the deaths of his family cannot be verified because they 'were never publicized'; not even a hyperlink to a news story that might/might not be true. The whole thing is a hush-hush affair --I can promise you, thirty million other people have gotten this e-mail, so the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. Have yourself a good laugh:

"Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, who has not had a vice-president since he took office in 1981, appointed his intelligence chief and confidant Omar Suleiman. I AM MR. ADEL ALY MOHAMED, one of the senior adviser to the president.

I am Mr. Adel Aly Elwy Mohamed Ragheb Hassan. I have been working with the president as a Top Secret Adviser since 1990, a role in which I played prominent in diplomacy. Once a prosperous country which aided closely by USA government, my people has been awakened by the economic instability issues.

Desperate and alone. Egypt is now a country of chaos. It assassinated my wife and 1 child. Now I have nobody left. Pleading you to keep the above misfortune which has never been publicized and should be kept secret for Egyptians and the country. I have been kept wise and awakened by reality in Allah.

I have made up my mind to come to your country to start a new life. Allah will open your heart and wisdom for the TOP SECRET deal. I am in position with the total sum of US$ 3,000,000.00 (Three Million United State Dollars) kept in a box in a foreign Finance Security Company. I have had discussions with its Regional Manager regarding every movement of the box deposited in their security company to a foreign country. He has understood my condition and is ready to attend to my request immediately. The kind-hearted manager did not know the content of the box as it has been packed and box when it reached his office. He helped me with the pure heart and understanding that the political instability in Egypt has left me alone.

Please help to claim this box to be received in your country. You will use the money in the box for investment. If you are serious and capable to handle this deal, get back to me NOW at (e-mail address removed for safety reasons). There is no more time to waste. Egypt is in chaos. The biggest chaos that has made Allah to seek this route to success with YOU.

THIS IS AGAIN A SECRET DEAL which can be our gate of success and breakthrough!
\Adel Aly Elwy Mohamed."

"Why Don't My Solar Panels Work?"

That was the question asked by one of my neighbors yesterday, whilst discussing the increasing cost of electricity. This neighbor had taken advantage of one of those Obama Administration Green Energy Boondoggles, and had a series of solar panels installed on her roof at great expense, but still saw her utility bills dramatically rise.

Her general belief was that with the simple installation of solar panels, she would be getting "free" electricity in return. That's the first mistake she made, and I'm sure many people make the same miscalculation, if only because they don't stop to get the facts first.

The second mistake she made was that believing she was getting "free" electricity, that she could increase her own consumption astronomically. Why not leave the lights burning? Why not do more, and smaller, loads of laundry as I need them? Yes, let's get that third television, that second refrigerator, that fancy outdoor lighting I've always wanted but couldn't afford to pay for?

The result? Electric bills which have nearly doubled.

What this neighbor had failed to understand was just what it is that a solar panel actually does.

To begin with, a home-based solar panel does not generate electricity; it simply heats water. If you want to generate electricity from sunlight, you need a photovoltaic cell, which is something completely different. Most home solar systems are simple heat-collectors which use sunlight in order to heat a ready-supply of water for showers, washing, baseboard heating and so forth, the advantage being that you will use less gas or electricity to do those things than you normally would. Typically, one does not replace their traditional electric or gas-operated hot water systems when installing solar panels (nor should you!), because solar panels are reliant upon good weather -- if it's overcast or raining, your solar panel is useless.

A solar heating system is an adjunct, or supplement, but not a replacement. In this case, the neighbor replaced some of her gas-operated appliances in favor of electric ones, but was generating no electricity, and her furnace was still burning gas in order to heat water on the days when the solar panels were not working properly or efficiently. She hadn't really "saved" anything.

At best, she simply returned a few hundred cubic feet of natural gas per year (the typical home uses about 600-1200 cubic feet of gas in a year) back into "the System" (i.e. that the utility company did not have to sell to her) where someone else could make use of it, and naturally, I'm certain that someone did. This individual contribution to Mother Gaia is exceedingly small in the grand scheme of things, and so a few scores of people in your neighborhood installing solar panels to save on the gas bill really only brings marginal benefits; they may lower their overall bills by a few hundred dollars per year, but they only marginally increase the ready supply of natural gas available for everyone else, which is quickly sold and used, in any case.

In this woman's case, whatever she had saved by using less natural gas, she quickly lost when she ramped up her electric consumption under the mistaken impression that she was getting something for nothing.

This is one of the major flaws in the whole Green Energy motif; people come to believe that something, because it comes from the Sun, the Wind, or the Tides, is "free", or at least not-as-expensive. They believe this because a) most people are dumber than dogshit, and b) because that's how the whole Green Energy thing is sold to them.

I know, because I used to "sell" Green Energy, but I fully admit to not being a true expert in all the inner-workings of the entire industry.

See, this is how you (usually) get electricity. It's a very basic explanation, so spare me the technical e-mails. It's for the benefit of the layman:

Someone builds a generator. This is typically a very large magnet stuck on the end of a rotating shaft, the whole assembly attached to a turbine. This shaft/turbine assembly is surrounded by a thick coil of copper cables. The turbine is made to rotate at very high speeds, causing the magnet and coil to interact, warping the magnetic fields of both the magnet and the coil. This manipulation of the magnetic field aligns the electrons within the copper and then sets them into motion (this is electric current) down the wires and cables that emanate from the power plant, and connect to your home.

There are typically two ultra-efficient ways to get these turbines spinning at the speeds required to generate this constant electric current;

a. Water power (Hydro-electric power): rapidly-moving water falling down a waterfall (like Niagara Falls), or artificially dammed and released (like Hoover Dam) spins the turbine.

b. Steam generation; a heat source (produced from burning oil, coal, gas, or generated by splitting atoms) heats water to boiling. This steam is then collected and concentrated (super-heated) under pressure, so that when it is released it has enough power behind it to spin that turbine super-quickly.

After thousands of years of human progress, we're still using the same basic mechanisms: the Wheel, Fire, the Steam Engine, and capturing kinetic energy. In any case, we're using energy to create energy. There is nothing"free" about it. You have to construct a super-expensive kit in order to capture or create the energy needed to generate electricity, and a portion of the energy that comes out of the process is wasted due to the principles of resistance (current does not flow uninterrupted down a wire), and the laws of Physics: you can't have more energy coming out of the process than what you've put into it. Also, electricity is an on-demand commodity; it cannot be stored easily or cheaply in vast quantities, like oil or coal. You'd better use every volt you generate as soon as it's generated, or it gets lost. This makes the price jump up or down according to supply and demand, only much faster than many other commodities, because it's a "spot" market.

You can, to a certain extent, calculate how much energy goes into the process, and then regulate the amount that comes out, but this is not an exact science, and inefficiencies abound.

Green Energy methods promise (but never deliver) the ability to do away with some of the more odious aspects of power generation, particularly the need to burn fossil fuels, but the methods currently available are not reliable enough to chuck the whole "burn-something-to-generate- steam-and-spin-a-turbine-model".

Wind Turbines do away with the need to burn something and, thus, generate no pollution, but the wind is unreliable, and the turbines themselves are incapable of generating much power individually because of the complex gearing involved. That's why wind farms contain hundreds of windmills, take up several hundred acres of land, and produce negligible amounts of electricity for what they cost to build and operate.They also require specialist maintenance crews who get paid a shitload of money to climb one or two hundred feet up a mast to work with a giant fan that can easily kill them. You'll usually also see hundreds of dead birds at the base of a wind generator -- the birds get caught in the blades, fly into them, or they nest on the tall masts and fall out/get diced and sliced.

Tidal Generators work much like any windmill or hydroelectric plant, but they use the power of the tides to spin their turbines. Since most places usually only have two high tides a day for a few hours each, the tidal generator spends much of the day inactive. When it works it generates a powerful flow of electricity, but it can't operate on-demand 24/7/365. It too, is inefficient.

Geothermal plants take advantage of the Earth's heat. Built over natural hot springs and steam vents, geothermal plants use the steam that comes up from underground to spin a turbine and generate electricity. There's only one problem: that steam usually contains poisonous and corrosive compounds that can be deadly to man, and which are absolute hell on machinery, meaning a geothermal plant must be built with specially-constructed, high-tolerance materials, and is a maintenance nightmare -- not to mention the problems inherent in "scrubbing" emissions from the plant itself, so that dangerous gases and chemical compounds are not released into the air and environment.

In fact, the only truly efficient methods we have available to us that don't require fossil fuels are hydroelectric power and nuclear power. Both are bad juju to the environMENTAL activists; one scars the landscape, inconveniences fish and interferes with the natural flow of rivers and streams. The other produces small amounts of radioactive waste that has to be stored somewhere until it can either be reprocessed, or the radioactivity dissipates enough for it to be released back into the environment. This is the dilemma which faces the Green Energy crowd: their current solutions are unworkable, and the alternatives don't pass muster with people determined to nit pick them to death. Damn efficiency, progress or good sense.

And of course, it's all super-expensive.

Why, when I sold Green Energy, we never told a potential customer that he would "save money" by buying electricity or gas obtained/generated by Green Methods, because that was a virtual impossibility. Generating that sort of power in a Green fashion costs more than the traditional methods. No, instead we always sold Green Energy as a matter of social consciousness and "displacement". I'll explain.

The social conscious part is self-explanatory. People want to do things they perceive as "good". In fact, most people are simply begging to do something good, because they get a high off of it, or because it makes them feel superior to others. Most people are absolute douchebags, after all. Selling Green Energy as a way to "clean the environment", "Save the Planet" or even as a means to "Stick it to The Man" was an easy sell. There are people in the world who are swayed by such arguments, perhaps 1-in-20, because they are that stupid or committed.

The Displacement Theory takes a little explaining. It was generally suggested that for every kilowatt hour you bought that was generated by Green Methods, you were "displacing" a kilowatt hour generated by "dirty" means, i.e. that was one less kilowatt hour that would have to be generated by burning coal or gas. And if enough people bought Green Energy, then by God, we'd do away with the fossil fuel-burning power plant altogether by pushing the output of those evil machines right off the grid.

Ummm, no.

First off, you have absolutely no way, short of running a cable directly from the windmill to your front door to know whether the electricity you get is Green or not. It all goes into the same Grid. Once power is generated, your nice, clean Green Energy gets mixed in with the Dirty Energy you used to get from Con Ed or Duke Power. There is no way to distinguish between the "Good" electricity and "the bad".

Second, utility companies that have more generating capacity then they need usually don't just shut the lights, close the plant down and quit the business; they try to find more customers for it. Especially since they're producing their power at cheaper rates (after all, if there's more expensive Green stuff in the grid, then their power becomes cheaper by comparison), and selling it at cheaper rates. Given a choice between "Good for Mother Earth, but twice the cost" and "Cheap, Readily-available and Reliable" guess which choice most people (remember; most people are stupid, easily-swayed, lowest-common-denominator douchebags, now) will make?

And in any case, the investment made in constructing the original electric grid/gas delivery systems was so great, the utility companies have a financial interest in keeping them running and profitable, and are happy to simply maintain those delivery methods without having to generate any extra power to pump through them. See, when you Go Green, you're buying power that still has to be delivered to you through your traditional utility company, because they own the means of distribution. You usually see that on your bill as an increased"Delivery Charge"; since the utility has lost you as a power consumer, they'll make sure they rape you on delivery. You'll either come back, or you'll suck it up and decide that's the cost of being Green -- and they can sell the energy they would have provided you to someone else -- and still profit.

But at least you'll get a Carbon Credit -- which doesn't really exist, is difficult to trade, and which has no fixed monetary value -- and if you do manage to sell/trade it on the sham Carbon Markets, it basically means you have given someone else the right to pollute on your behalf, with your blessing. And somewhere in there, someone will have made a buck, but it won't be you.

In fact, when the Green Energy companies can't produce the electricity they need to satisfy their customer's demand, what do you think they do? They buy it on the open market from the people who make the dirty stuff and re-sell it, of course! It's the only other supply.

My usual sales meeting, usually with people who had expressed an interest about buying Green Energy, mind you, with a customer usually went something like this:

We can give you all the electricity you need, no problems. We have a great many suppliers who can feed us with all the Green Energy we can handle.

That's great.

And you will be doing something positive for the environment. You'll be helping to clean the air, streams, and oceans, and saving wildlife, too, by helping to reduce acid rain, and helping to do away with some of the dirtier aspects of power generation.

I'm always looking to make a positive impact, YESSSIRRREEE! Why,that sounds fantastic! I was always wondering when someone would get around to making Green Energy a reality! It's been one of my interests for years. It's why I joined Greenpeace, you know!

That's super! In fact, not only can we can guarantee you all the power you need, you will never have to worry about service, either; you can simply call your current utility provider, and they'll still come and fix any problems you have with access or distribution, because they still own it -- we only sell them power which they pass on to you. We can also promise that the energy we produce will be as clean as humanly possible.

Wonderful! Fantastic! It's about time!

Also, for every so-many kilowatt hours you purchase, you'll be getting a Carbon Credit, which you can trade on the open market. That's a valuable commodity, these days. It's a good reason to go Green, isn't it?

Wow! This is sounding better all the time!

So, here you are: you can get the energy you need, generated by clean methods, which is best for the environment and saves polar bears and Aborigines; you don't need to swap service providers so you can retain the expert and reliable services of your current power company, and in the process, you'll be gaining valuable Carbon Credits which you can sell for a profit. Everyone wins!

Sounds like it! So, how much does it cost?

Well, you'll be signing a five-year contract (don't tell them about the substantial fees involved for breaking the contract before the first year is up). I have to tell you that the price is slightly higher, about 8-10% higher, than what you're paying now, BUT we guarantee that your price will never increase for any reason at any time during that five year period. And when you consider that you'll at least know for certain what your power costs will be for the next five years -- this helps you considerably when budgeting, you know -- and that you're doing something positive for the world -- and your children -- and that you also get Carbon Credits that you can sell at a profit for it, it's a great deal, don't you think?

Oh, umm, sorry, but....ahhh....that sounds a little too expensive for my tastes, and I didn't realize it would mean a five-year contract. Thank you for your time, and I'm sorry we couldn't do business.

Even those most committed to being Green bail out when they find out how much Green it's going to cost them.

The whole thing was about as close to a legal scam as it was possible to get. There was nothing inherently illegal or immoral about what we were doing, but it wasn't exactly on the up-and-up, either. It depended on the stupidity of legions of people who were under the impression that they were going to get something cheap -- if not free -- with the added benefit that they could brag to their friends about it.

Now, I don't mean all this to be a knock on people who buy solar panels for their homes. Or even of Green Energy, in general; there's a place for it. But it won't replace the existing apparatus without great investment and advances in technology which at present are not cost-effective, and not exactly forseeable. When everything is known -- the purchaser understands exactly what he's buying and what he's getting for his money, and especially the limitations and obligations that come with it-- Solar Panels on your Roof, Windmills on the Plains and Geothermal plants at Yellowstone aren't a bad idea, per se. Just remember the ironclad rule that applies to the generation, distribution, usage and regulation of power:

Nothing is ever free. And if someone sold you a solar panel outfit without telling you exactly what it was good for and how you were supposed to use it, then you shouldn't complain about skyrocketing energy bills.

My neighbor is a little bit wiser now, and was embarrassed to find out just how wrong she had been in her assumptions. Don't make the same mistake yourself.

You Deserve To Be Scammed...

...if you fall for this one.

One of the great joys in life is having an e-mail address for the simple reason that no matter how crappy your day is, no matter how desperately bad you feel, you can always count on there being at least one e-mail that will brighten your day, ever-so-slightly.

For me, it's not the "inspirational" e-mail that well-meaning-but-otherwise-clueless friends pass on to me. I'm not one to get all choked up and inspired by the sappy missive that tells the tale of the 9-year-old cancer victim who somehow manages to put a sunny spin upon her impending demise, and which somehow always requires that I forward this piece of utter rubbish to another 10 people so that my wishes may be granted.

I blow my nose with those e-mails.

No, I get my kicks out of the obvious scams that wind up in your e-mail box. They're unavoidable, it seems, like that J.C. Penney's catalog you get in the mailslot every week, and you haven't shopped there in 15 years, and can't figure out how they've tracked you down after you've moved six times. No, I find the scams funny because I can just imagine some complete mouthbreather falling for them hook, line and sinker.

Some of them are really very well written, and almost believable, until you get to the part where there's $15 million waiting for you, if only you do what the writer asks...and open up your bank account.

Sometimes though, the scam is so transparent, and the e-mail so badly written, that they become the joke in and of themselves. If you add a little imagination to the mix, you can amuse yourself for hours on end. Here's one of the latest scam mails in my inbox:

MY HART CHOOSE YOU. Dear friend i am Mrs Cindy Buker and i have been surffering from ovarian cancer disease and the doctor says that i have just two days to leave. I am from (Mississippi) USA but based in Africa Burkina Faso since Nine years ago as a business woman dealing with gold exportation. Now that i am about to end the race like this,without any family members and no child.I have 3 Million US DOLLARS in Africa Development Bank(ADB)Burkina Faso which i instructed the bank to give St Andrews Missionary Home in Burkina Faso.

But my mind is not at rest because i am writting this letter now through the help of mycomputer beside my sick bed. I also have 4.5Million US Dollars at Ecobank here in Burkina Faso and i instructed the bank to transfer the money to the first foreigner that will apply to the bank after i have gone that they should release the fund to him/her, but you will assure me that you will take 50% of the money and give 50% to the orphanages home in your country for my heart to rest.You are to contact the bank through this email address (address removed for safety reasons)

Now, here's what's so funny about this one;

To begin with, Miss Buker can't possibly be from Mississippi. The first giveaway is that she spelled "Mississippi" correctly. The second giveaway is people who are really from Ole' Miss, spell it "M-I-Crooked-letter-Crooked-letter-I-Pee-Pee-I", because that's how they were taught to do it in the dirt-floored-one-room schoolhouse they went to after they brought the harvest in, and finished their chores.

They say "Crooked Letter" because it's hard to say "ess" when you're missing your front teeth. Besides, anyone from Mississippi almost immediately starts giggling like a deranged schoolgirl when they get to the "Pee-Pee" part.

And if it was really an emergency, why are you only contacting me now -- when you only have "two days to leave"?

A dead giveaway is that the woman claims to:

a) Be a successful businesswoman, and

b) Have $7.5 million dollars

If she were really from Mississippi, this would both be near-impossible, and a goddamned miracle; people who say "crooked-letter", are missing half their teeth, and haven't returned to a decent, civilized country for treatment upon finding out they have ovarian cancer are not usually noted for their financial acumen.

In fact, I rather doubt they have a treatment for cancer in Burkina Faso that doesn't involve a witch-doctor shaking a dead snake, with a chicken bone stuck through his nose, and a gazelle hunt.

Besides, if you really have $7.5 million dollars, you'd think you'd find a lawyer to write you a will to ensure the orphanages actually do get that money, and you wouldn't have to depend on the good will of an anonymous "foreigner" contacted via a blind e-mail. I'm sure they have lawyers in Burkina Faso; someone has to be there to sue the witch-doctor for malpractice when they've used the wrong dead snake when failing to cure your leprosy, or prescribed the incorrect amount of rhino dung for your jock itch.

But the really, really, really dead giveaway is the e-mail address. It ends with a .ru (Trust me on this one).This means the e-mail originated in Russia, or was at least sent through a server located in Russia. An e-mail purporting to have been sent by a dying Redneck in Africa will probably not come to you via a Russian server.

Still, I just know someone, somewhere (probably in Mississippi) will fall for this.

Screw UNICEF...

...because Africa is apparently lousy with wealthy orphans!

I get 7 or 8 of these Nigerian Scams a week, and they get progressively better with the advance of time. They all follow the same predictable pattern, though. The first clue is that it seems all these poor-little-rich-girls have masculine first names.

A young woman in (insert Third-world shithole here) has just finished her prayers. This, I find amazing because to guess from all the outcry about African overpopulation, you get the idea that any girl who has the time to pray is probably even too ugly for an African man to do the nasty with. This, after all, is how one usually achieves the sort of overpopulation common to the poorest nations of Africa. Why, the problems attendant to all that uninterrupted fucking going on over there are so serious that American Stimulus dollars had to be spent to deal with the horrific consequences.

Anyway, the point is that we apparently have the only praying virgin on the African continent writing us e-mails, and this new one happens to be in an extremely acute emotional state, as we shall soon see.

Anyways, you'll find that this chaste and pious young thing is the recently-orphaned daughter of Minister X of the Ministry of XY&Z. It doesn't even matter which Ministry Daddy worked for; the Ministries and Names and Countries in these scams are interchangeable. Daddy is always killed in a plane crash (of which there seem to be an awful lot in Africa), and just so you understand that a) yes, they do have airplanes in Africa, and b) yes, they sometimes do, indeed crash, a hyperlink is included to a news story on the crash in question, or at least to a crash.

Being an African Minister for Anything is a job as dangerous as New York City Gypsy Cab driver, 'twould seem. If I were ever appointed (because they don't have real elections in Africa, no matter what Jimmy Carter says, it would have to be an appointment from this week's tin pot dictator) to, say, Minister for Lint Collection in Ivory Coast, I would positively demand that the first condition under which I would take this job is no fucking flying.

Because all African Government ministers die in plane crashes, these days. Not like the good old days when they used to get shot to pieces in front of the Ministry of Juicy Yellow Fruits building, or catch Ebola touring the rain forest, or get the "bad" oyster while overindulging in the midst of their starving citizens. But I digress...

So now this orphaned waif, all alone in the world, always makes an incredible discovery; it's usually "I looked in my father's briefcase and found...", which leads one to ask "must have been some damned good luck that Dad didn't have his briefcase with him when the plane crashed, huh?". Always, serendipity takes a hand in the course of a young orphan's life, and she finds out that she's fabulously wealthy.

Because Daddy provided for her, probably by siphoning off Western Aid meant to feed hungry AIDS victims (you find one every seven feet or so over there), and bring some solace to the victims of Civil War and religious persecution, drought, and whatever fifteen-thousand plagues strike Africa this month because heaven forbid anyone ever takes a fucking vitamin over there, washes properly, or learns what soap is, or the proper rules of basic sanitation -- you'd have to stop fucking long enough to do that -- and depositing his gains in that Cayman Islands of Africa, Burkina Faso.

Upon discovering her new-found bounty, the young girl travels to Burkina Faso to speak personally with the bank manager, who tells her that, unfortunately, her father has left instructions that the money he left for her not be released because of bureaucratic mix ups, improper documentation, a requirement for marriage, etc. I gather that Holocaust victims were given similar, heart-wrenching treatment by Swiss Banks, post-war. Whereupon our damsel-in-distress does what any young girl who can't get access to her multi-million-dollar inheritance does.

Write anonymous e-mails to complete strangers on the internet, seeking their help usually with the hint of a marriage of convenience. Once the intended victim is caught on this hook, the predictable happens: she'll need a secure bank account in the States to transfer the funds to; can she use yours? If so, what is the account number? She'll need a valid address; what is yours? Phone number? A few weeks later: The Bank in Burkina Faso cannot transfer the funds without your Social Secuity number. What is it? And then when she's, amazingly, been granted a visa to come fulfill her pledge to you, she can't afford a plane ticket. What is your credit card number, so that she may purchase one?

Oh, and they all have evil uncles out to kill them, too.

Classic.

What's really amazing is;

a) there's someone in Africa who has enough time between starving to death, or dying of a preventable disease, to write these things, and

b)Someone always falls for this scam. Someone must, or it would have stopped a very long time ago.

Wrote about it last week, here. This week's is almost the same exact letter (hyperlinks removed for security):

Hello Dearest,
I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. With due respect trust and humanity, I appeal to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, honestly I am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, I will really like to have a good relationship with you and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you, I decided to contact you due to the urgency of my situation, My name is Miss. Nathaniel Kipkalya Kones, 24yrs old female and I held from Kenya in West Africa.

My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya . The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June, 2008. You can read more about the crash through the below (hyperlink removed for safety).

After the burial of my father, my stepmother and uncle conspired and sold my father's property to an Italian Expert rate which the shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me. One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one of the banks in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instructions to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas. I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust.

But rather take me as your own sister or daughter. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convinced ed me that you may be the true person to help me. More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my stepmother has threatened to assonate me. The amount is ($12.8 USD) Million United State Dollars and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival.

You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.

Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self for now until the bank has transferred the fund. I beg you not to disclose it till I come over because I am afraid of my wicked stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone, I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited these money with my name as the next of Kin. I have the documents for the claims.

Yours Sincerely,

Miss Nathaniel Kipkalya Kones

I'm Thinking of Marrying Her, Seriously...

I get the weirdest e-mail. Most of it, of course, is utter crap -- adverts, people telling me I'm an asshole (yes, I know...and proud of it, too, thank you), lots of updates from the various news sites and organizations that I subscribe to (Dear Dick Morris: all these e-mails are starting the get creepy. It's almost like you're stalking me!), and this past two months, the absolute worst of e-mails related to the 25th anniversary of my graduating high school class.

No, I did not attend. Nor did I answer any of the literally hundreds of "Hey, what are you doing now?" requests, or do anything more than delete all the senseless chatter that cluttered up my inbox. The truth is that I viscerally hated about 95% of the people I went to high school with (they were mostly Guidos, and wanna-be Guidos) back in the mid-80's, and of the remaining 5%, a good number of you are already dead, sadly (including one young man, a close friend, murdered before his 24th birthday. When his body was found and reported to the authorities, it turned out that it was his detective brother who was first on the scene to investigate. It's a sad tale all around). I seriously don't want to see you people, especially not after 25 years have passed and you've all become uglier and dumber, just so I can hear about your three divorces and two prostate operations over your eleventh drink.

I'm off track. Anyway, suffice to say that my mailbox simply overflows with spam e-mails, on a good day, and I ignore every last scrap...unless there's one that's just too damned good to pass up. This morning, we happen to have what may be one of the better Spam Scams I've seen to date.

For I have received an e-mail from Miss Adeliza Justin Yak. From the Sudan. Of course you've heard of her; her father is...or rather, was...the Minister for SPLA Affairs and Special Advisor to President Salva Kir of South Sudan for Decentralization, a man killed in the prime of his life, in an unfortunate plane crash. We've all heard of him, of course. I remember the people crying in the streets of Cleveland, Ashtabula, Chillicothe, Intercourse and East Reacharound when the illustrious Minister Yak was killed. Why, I almost have to dab a tear or two from the corner of my eye just thinking about it now.

And just like John F. Kennedy, I'm sure people all over the world will very soon begin playing that game. You know the one;

"Where were you when the Minister for SPLA Affairs and Special Advisor to President Slava Kir of South Sudan for Decentralization was killed?"

Anyways, it seems that Minister Yak left a fortune in a foreign bank to his daughter, who seems to pray a lot (First Red Flag!), and then attempt to contact complete strangers over the internet (Second Red Flag!), who will then sponsor her so that she can emigrate to the West (Third Red Flag! She's in it for the Green Card!) with $5.6 million bucks.

Here is the e-mail in question (I have edited out the hyperlinks for safety):

My Dearest one,

Hi, My name is Adeliza Justin Yak, 23years old originated from Sudan. I decide to contact you after my prayers, I really want to have a good relationship with you. My father Dr. Justin Yak was the former Minister for SPLA Affairs and Special Adviser to President Salva Kiir of South Sudan for Decentralization. My father Dr.Justin Yak and my mother including other top Military officers and top govaernment officials had been on board when the plane crashed on Friday May 02, 2008. (Link to news article on this crash removed by me)

After the burial of my father, my uncle conspired and sold my father's properties to a Chinease Expatriate and live nothing for me. On a faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I traveled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that I can start a better life and take care of myself. On my arrival, the Branch manager of the Bank whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank was the money be release to me only when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money
overseas.

I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me. More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my uncle have threaten to assassinate me. The amount is $5.6 Million and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso. You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country.

However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in yourestablishment. As soon as I receive your interest in helping me, I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transactionsincerely. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am affraid of my wicked uncle who has threatened to kill me.

Sincerely yours, Miss Adeliza Justin Yak

I'll bet that right this very second, there's some extremely desperate loser reading that message, and masturbating over it. He's probably also trying to work out how many plastic blow-up dolls and how much Vaseline he can purchase with that half-a-million bucks, to support his chronic masturbation habit. That's the sad part.

You know, I can honestly say that I've always wanted a wife from a Third-world shithole where swatting flies and dodging bubonic plague were the national pastimes. Especially one who probably prays five times a day, and has a death squad on her tail.

I'm smarter than that, but I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that there are millions of people stupid enough to actually buy this line of crap, and who will respond to that e-mail. Most of those responses will be along the lines of "How big are your tits?"or "What are you wearing now", which means that some douchebag in the African criminal enterprise that originated this scam has to wade through a few thousand cell-phone-quality dick pictures before he finds that one asshole who finally takes the bait.

There are people alive that are, in fact, that dumb; I know, because I used to work for them at Citigroup.

But what I really find strange about that particular message (and disturbing, too) is that Google saw fit to mark it as Spam (and perhaps as dangerous) before it even entered my mailbox...but then they sent it anyway. What the fuck is up with that?

By the way, Fellas, although she sounds like an absolutely fabulous catch, I don't think Miss Yak really exists; she's just a part being played by some dude in Nigeria, probably. Hate to burst your bubble that way, but what can I say? I care.

The $12,478.00 Check That Isn't...

Imagine my surprise this afternoon when I collect the mail, and right there on top is an item addressed to me from something called the"National Debt Relief Initiative". It has an official-looking seal, bears a Post Office Box address in Washington, D.C., and is in one of those envelopes in which one usually expects to find a government check, like when you get a tax return.

What was this all about? I've never heard of this National Debt Relief Initiative; was this one of Obama's great Stimulus cash giveaways? I opened it up, and lo and behold!, there's a check inside. A check for $12,478.00, to be exact. I was floored! What did I do to deserve a $12,000 check? Did someone screw up? This can't be real, could it?

Well, no, it isn't. The first giveaway are the words "Non-Negotiable-Not A Check" stamped on the bottom where you can't see it unless you're looking for it -- even though the thing looks like a real check, and has account and routing numbers on it.

It's only when you turn the check over that you begin to see what this is all about.

This is a not-so-clever marketing tool of many Debt Counselling Services. In fact, if you Google (I prefer Bing, personally) the term "National Debt Relief Initiative" you are directed to a load of websites for these companies...and usually these links go right to the sales pitch about how Americans are all in debt, and how credit counselling can cut your debt, and save you from bankruptcy, etc, etc. etc.

You'd be amazed by how many of these websites actually have Barack Obama's image included as a prominent part of these advertisements, probably to sucker the unwary into thinking that The Golden Child has finally come through with the Reparations. Right now, I'm certain there are people of a particular racial group and/or economic stratum who are trying to cash these phony checks in every liquor store in 100 different ghettos, nationwide.

The $12,478.00 "check" is actually supposed to be a representation of "the money you'll save" if you use XYZ Credit Services to arrange a 49% pay-off on $25,000.00 in debt. In fact, the more debt you negotiate out of existence with XYZ Credit Services, the more you'll save!

Yeah, right. You guys are so good, you had to try and drum up business with the old Novelty Check routine. I wouldn't be surprised if the fees being charged suck up the majority of that 51% you supposedly "saved".

Please, please, please...DO NOT FALL FOR THIS SCAM, and please let your friends, relatives and people you like know, so that they may avoid falling for it.

However, you should encourage every democrat and illegal alien you know to take full advantage of this "free"money, if only because passing a bad check comes with a prison sentence. With any luck we'll get enough democrats in the criminal justice system (come to think of it: the criminal justice system is ALREADY full of democrats)that they won't be around to vote in November, and a few more Mexicans can be sent home where they belong.

This sort of dishonest/easy-to-miscontrue/open-to-fraud sort of advertising/marketing thing can only bring trouble. I hope someone stupid DOES get busted trying to cash one of these things, if only so that they may sue the idiots who mailed them out!

What ObamaCare Really Means to You...

An oldie-but-goodie from Mark Steyn. You'd better read it.

Who Was That Masked Man?

Never mind what Dick Morris said about "pivoting"; that Barack Obama guy on TV the other night didn't pivot on his own politics and policies as much as pirouette through his own bullshit.

One minute we have Obama-the-Fiscal-Hawk-Tax-Cutter-Economy-Saver conservative, and then the very next Obama-the-Spend-Money-We-Don't-Have-Like-A-Drunken-Sailor liberal reasserts itself. We have Obama the I'm-a-Uniter-Not-a-Divider voice of reason, and then we return to the Republicans-as-The-Party-Of-No-As-a-Political-Strategy-To-Fuck-Me-Up-And-Screw-America routine.

We ride the crest of the wave when he says He's ready to take responsibility and will be focused on this, that or the other thing, only to fall headlong into the trough when he starts whining about having inherited this, that and the other, or about how his job isn't easy, and nothing gets done because he wishes it, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You asked for the job, Asshole. You spent a billion bucks of other-people's money to get it. This comes with the territory.

You almost wonder who the hell this guy is, sometimes. Is he simply stupid, not understanding the tasks at hand and unable to ask for the proper advice on them? Is he just convinced of his own innate superiority and will take no council but his own, flawed and imperfect as it may be? Is he simply someone trying to get by, with a super-thin resume, lack of experience, with no working knowledge of the world outside academia and government to draw upon? In other words, no experience of how the rest of us live and think? Is he a confidence man, a mere scammer who managed to talk himself in to a post way above his abilities? Is he simply a puppet of the left-liberal establishment, kept inside a bubble and told what to think and say, who never expected to actually get this job, and having landed it, turned to the wrong people for help and support?

When he wasn't paraphreasing Marx and Alinsky, he was ripping off GWB and Reagan.

Who knows why he does it, or how it happens? I don't even think Obama knows some days.

Professor Hanson weighs in on Obama's internal struggles.

The Green Jobs Myth...

Caught a report on FoxNews yesterday which centered on a manufacturer of solar panels in Massachusetts. This business was being hailed as a success story in the new Green Energy sector of American business; a small, American-startup which worked with state and federal authorities to get some financing (tax credits, low-interest loans and so forth), and then provided a community with 800 jobs. A great story, right?

Well, no.

Because that business is packing up and moving some of it's jobs...to China.

Why?

According to the Chief-Cook-and-Bottlewasher (paraphrasing);

"We can't compete because US demand for Solar Energy is down, and the Chinese have made a commitment (i.e. given us a much better bribe) to becoming the Green Energy capital of the world."

Well, the reason the 'demand for solar power' is down is because the demand for all energy is down. That happens in a recession, you idiot. Besides, solar power is more expensive that the dirty stuff that comes out of coal-fired plants, and that makes it even less attractive. In the realm of real-world economics, you would either go out of business, or have to find something else to do. Your response makes you sound as if you believe you have a right to stay in business, making a product fewer people want, while still making a hefty profit, funded by the taxpayer and the bank with more tax breaks and more cheap credit forever.

Here's a guy who gets free fucking money -- operating in an industry all the Earth-firsters claim is going to be the next Industrial Revolution, no less -- and he says he can't stay in business without a massive infusion of (free-to-nearly-free capital), tax breaks, and direct government subsidies. But in this day-and-age when automakers making crap for two decades can expect taxpayers to bail them out, or insurance companies that make risky investments and banks that waste money stupidly can still pay massive bonuses to under-performing executives, with taxpayer funds, how could we blame him for harboring such a stupid idea?

Naturally, when he can't get those things, he'll simply move to China. There, he will enjoy the added bonuses of not having to deal with labor and environmental laws -- not to mention shedding the responsibility of having to pay for any benefits whatsoever --after already having taken the taxpayer for the cash to start and establish his business, he now offers the same taxpayer (and his employees) a hale-and-hearty "Fuck You".

And a bunch of people in Massachusetts lose their jobs, adding to the general economic misery in New England. Incidentally, this is an example of exactly what those who adocate for the Green Energy industry want; the innovation and investment will occur in the West, financed by the Western taxpayer, the actual production and employment will occur in the East. The West will lose moneyand see it's economy shrink, the East will gain jobs and it's economy will rise to meet that of the West, the playing field will be evened, and that's how World Socialism will be brought about --- in the guise of Capitalism.

The 2010 midterms cannot come fast enough, if only because they represent a shred of hope that some people who understand economics will come to the fore, and rescue us from Congresscritters who think their first priority is to ensure the entire country gets a free enema at the Mayo Clinic, rather than fixing the fundamental economic and legal issues that are making us uncompetitive.

Some Random Thoughts On Polar Bears

I was watching the idiot box today when Noah Wylie (since when does anyone remember Noah Wylie?) comes on for the WWF, and starts talking about Polar Bears. Now, I'm not sure just when Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan started caring about Polar Bears, but I haven't followed wrestling since I was 12...I grew up and discovered girls after that.

Anyways, Noah starts talking about how Polar Bears are dying because of Global Warming. Apparently, Polar Bears need nut-numbing cold in order to survive.They don't know any better. All this warming is so bad that mother bears can't feed their cubs, and so they die. Why is never explained. The gist is that it's a problem with retreating ice and Polar Bears being too stupid to swim, although every David Attenborough documentary I've ever saw shows Polar Bears with Micheal Phelps-like water skills. Maybe Noah doesn't know what he's talking about (See the pictures, do they look like they're drowning?).

Probably not, since two million scientific studies (it seems) say there's more Polar Bears now than there have been in several hundred years, but what the hell do I know? I though tin the world of Global Warming Science, if you had two million studies that all said the same thing, the science was, therefore, settled. I guess that only applies to studies the Warmies conduct and concoct data for, but I digress.

So, there I am, watching a cute-as-a-button Polar Bear Cub (who will one day grow up to be an 800-pound killer, red in tooth and claw, feeding on whale carcasses that no one but the Japanese would want, see above) frolics in the arctic snow, probably already doomed to die a horrid death and seemingly unaware, when I began to think of Charles Darwin.

Just in case you live in a cave, or go to Harvard, Charles Darwin was the author of the Theory of Evolution which states that organisms which best adapt to their environments tend to flourish. And Here's Noah Wylie, and the people in Copenhagen, and Al Gore and the legions of brain-dead college kids and communists-in-sheep's-clothing all trying to conspire to stop a natural process (evolution) in the name of...saving all the other natural processes?

I mean, it's man's special talent to adapt through technology, through the manipulation of his physical environment. That's what's allowed us to survive and inhabit every corner of this planet. In the process, yes, we do some sort of damage to the natural world, but according to Darwin, the natural world (wildlife, plants, bacteria, etc) should adapt in order to survive. Those that adapt will live, and those that don't will go extinct. Extinction is a is part-and-parcel of evolution.

And I thought libs were all great believers in Evolution, so much so that they sue school boards to keep Creationism and Intelligent Design out of classrooms. So, why save Polar Bears if they won't or can't save themselves? And why does Noah Wylie need my money to do this?

Then I was struck by another thought (two in one day? I need to start drinking again); I remember Irving Krystal, the father of modern Conservatism, once said (paraphrasing) that a "Conservative is someone who stands in front of the runaway freight train of progress, yelling "STOP!" The Tree Huggers are trying to stop industrial progress so that they can save polar bears, and snail darters, and spotted owls, and three-toed Cambodian Cockroaches, in defiance of the Theory of Evolution, and asking for money to finance the project, sorta like when some televangelist(in this case, Noah Wylie) tells his flock that God will do the worst and take him if he doesn't raise $3 bazillion dollars for the new Tabernacle-Theme Park-Casino and Bait Shop.

Then I got confused (I don't need to drink for that to happen): Doesn't all of this halting of progress, asking for voluntary contributions to serve a higher purpose sound a lot like conservatism? I mean, would this sorta-kind make them, these self-proclaimed Progressive Liberals, that is...Conservative...in some fashion? I mean, aren't they denying Evolution and adopting the Judeo-Christian view of man as the Steward of All Creation?

I mean, the similarities don't end there, either. Conservatives are always accused of wanting to 'turn back the clock', to some supposed Golden Era which liberals laughingly insist never existed, only how do you explain their own behavior; True Believers in Global Warming theory have to accept two premises:

a) There was a time when the climate of this planet was somehow 'perfect', not too hot, not too cold, and suitable for the flourishing of all life as we currently perceive it. A Golden Era if ever there was one. And...

b) That if we simply arrest and re-direct progress in the proper way (i.e. under oppressive Government direction), mankind can return to that climatic Golden Era.

So, I guess that Noah Wylie and the Wrestling Folks are out there trying to recruit Conservatives and not save Polar Bears after all?

I wonder, if any Tree Huggers out there have ever thought this same way...and had their heads explode.

Pots? Meet Kettles...

More Healthcare nonsense, including the inevitable round of name-calling which starts with "Nazi", and then gets predictably worse.

JammieWearingFool posts this and this.


One is an example of the utter cluelessness of the modern Leftist; he criticizes his opponents on the Right as being Nazi sympathizers -- but fails to recognize that the Nazi Party was the ultimate expression of Leftist politics. Or maybe he just figures that you're dumb enough not to know that.

The second one is an example of the brazen stupidity of a man who simply has no brains, no class, and no sense of shame...only with more strident Nazi undertones. The democratic party could pass whatever healthcare monstrosity they desire right now, in a heartbeat, without breaking a sweat. They have the votes (in terms of numbers of democrats vs. republicans), but the margin is razor thin and many of their members won't make the Great Leap Forward because they are frightened of the inevitable result; they'll be politically dead. They'll be out of work. These people care more about their phony-baloney jobs -- and the ability to deal out political favors and federal cash that comes with it, and which is the real source of their power -- then they do about 'the uninsured'.

'The Uninsured' is merely a straw man, designed to hide the real purpose of 'Healthcare Reform', something to give it that certain Christian quality that's supposed to make it go down a bit easier; this is one step closer to American Communism.

The argument that Republicans are 'obstructing' anything is a smoke screen which is intended to obscure the truth; the democrats simply can't do that which their 'base' (i.e. the lazy, lame, halt and crippled) demand they do. Doing so means the taxpayers (the people who really count) send them packing, perhaps after a round of tar and feathers. So, they must construct a drama and create an enemy, to make the Great Lie more believable.

Anyone who opposes them, even opposition based on definite, reasonable, provable principles, therefore, must be a Nazi (the other force that nearly destroyed Communism, and therefore, the natural enemy of the Leftist), a term which evokes terror, fear and loathing on a visceral level. The Leftist elite does not demand reasoned response from it's minions, only that they react with the proper emotions when required.

These are the people that run your country, and this is what they are willing to do.

November 2010 can't come soon enough.

Too Big To Fail, Too Big To Play Fair...

My old employer, Citigroup, is back in the news today. Another story comes out telling you just what a bunch of malicious pricks our corporate officers are, just in case you'd forgotten the previous days' story.

You can read about the scam perpetrated on the American taxpayer by your government and Citigroup here.

Don't be surprised at how crooked and dishonest these people are. After all, these are the same folks who made a promotional video screaming about how they (Citigroup's Smith-Barney investment unit) were the only financial house to turn a profit on 9/11. It can't get much lower than that.

They can continue to deny that video exists, but I saw it...every day for a week. And I can find you hundreds, if not thousands, of other Citi employees who saw it, too.

The next time Wall Street comes begging for money, folks, tell them to go phuck themselves. These are the slimiest people this side of Congress.

Editorial Note: It's nice to know the Obama Administration is busily lowering corporate taxes so that Citi and WellsFargo and others can 'survive' without paying back the money they were given at the same time they are castigating these people as 'fat cats' on Oprah. If that wasn't bad enough, Congress threatens massive tax increases on the middle class in order to pay for both those bailouts, and this stupid Healthcare legislation -- which we apparently must have, but no one can be bothered to read or explain what's in the bill.

We are saddled with the worst political class in history. They are retarded, they are corrupt, they are a danger to this country and it's citizens. Mid-term elections cannot come soon enough.

Why Is Al Gore Still Alive?

And why does anyone bother asking him questions? Expecting intelligent answers from Al Gore is like expecting your dog to reveal the secrets of nuclear fusion. Then again, your dog probably understands more about Nature than Al Gore does...

But, I guess because he got an Oscar, is front-and-center in the scam that is Global Warming, and is the stout (very stout -- is it me or is Al getting fatter?) defender of Polar Bears, people feel compelled to ask him things he either couldn't possibly know the answer to (being an idiot), or will lie through his teeth about (because it's a life-long habit he's made a good living at).

Al Gore stonewalling on questions about Climategate.

Al's claim to have read the memos is belied by the repeated contention that these things are 10 years old. If he had read them, he'd know that isn't true. Or, being Al Gore and having no economic interest in the truth, I wonder if that really matters? That's the new mantra, I guess. Expect to hear this at least once a day...until they become 11 years old. Actually, many of them aren't 10 years old (having 2009 date stamps), and Al was caught lying once more.

But then again, this is the guy who invented the Internet and tried to sue his way into the White House,so what do you expect?

Al Gore, in a perfect world, would be in a prison cell right now instead of living the high-life in mansions, private jets and ostensibly-solar-powered houseboats, because he's a con man. His greatest crime has been to take advantage of million of people even dumber than he, and get rich while doing it...all the while damning the greedy capitalists who got rich on actual, legal commerce -- and who spend a significant portion of their profits actually complying with environmental law, instead of trading made-up, worthless 'carbon credits' and being an insufferable asshole about it -- but he can freely and hypocritically harangue them as evil polluters who are destroying the planet.

I Pity Tipper.

Global Warming: The Academic Conspiracy...

Unless you've been living under a rock, you have probably heard a thing or two about the "Climategate scandal". I won't link to any articles, since they're all over the place, and many of them are confusing for the layman or uninitiated in the the double-crapspeak of the Global Warming Crowd, but the basic gist is this:

It appears as if a bunch of Climatologists at the University of East Anglia (in Britain) conspired to do one or more of the following:

1. Falsifying/and or deleting temperature data that did not fit their pre-conceived notions or political views, so as to show a steady increase in Global Temperatures when such temperatures were, in fact, either flat lining or falling, indicating a decade of actual global cooling. They have also failed to explain how they prepared or 'modeled' the data for use in their computer models, leading to a suspicion that either the data was tailored to fit the program, or the program tailored to fit the data

2. Deleting data that was the focus of a Freedom of Information Act request, so that it could not be seen or tested by those who requested it, and to hide the fact that the data was incorrect and/or fabricated. According to the scientists in the middle of this mess, that data is easily reproducible, but they refuse to reproduce it because it's too much work to do so.

3. Using their scientific clout in their field to silence dissenters who dared to disagree with them, corrupting the peer-review process which by allowing anyone to test a scientific theory or repeat an experiment to verify results, is vital to the advance of science. Destroying the careers of, or taking actions to publicly embarrass those, who might disagree with you (or worse, prove you are a fraud) is at the very least, bad form, in the context of what these scientists were entrusted with, it's probably criminal.

What, exactly, were they entrusted with?

Why, proving that Man-Made Global Warming exists, that's it a continuing trend, and that it has dire consequences for the entire planet. Oh, and they were the main laboratory providing European Governments, the U.N., the United States Government and a host of alphabet-soup organizations with the information they "needed" to regulate global economies and CO2 (Carbon dioxide) production.

In other words, these are the guys who were going to create the justification for World Government. In fact, one of the Euroweenies who is supposed to be a high muck-a-muck in what passes for government over there, recently bragged that this week's Copenhagen meetings on Global Warming, are the first step in crafting a single world-wide government.

That the data upon which this presumption was based now turns out to be (allegedly) false, I should think they shouldn't be having that meeting. But no, the Global Warming Crowd wouldn't let anything like a massive fraud which undermines the entire foundation of their cause stop them from 'saving the planet' by destroying Western Economies, taxing everything in sight, and having the pretext to push their noses into every aspect of every citizen's life. Of course not!

True believers never give up the ship, even when they've been proven wrong. It's a defect built into liberals, especially (see: Kennedy Assassination, 9/11 Truthers, The CIA brought Crack to the Ghetto, and so forth). Most liberals don't have the same sense God gave a cross-eyed Cocker Spaniel.

There's legislation in the U.S. Senate right now that will pass a Cap-and-Trade regime, which will severely restrict the use of energy for every conceivable purpose, and impose huge fees and taxes upon American business and citizens in the name of 'saving the planet'. Considering that the whole idea of man-made Global Warming is now, at least, severely put into question by the shenanigans of a bunch of politically-motivated professors who's basic experiments cannot be reproduced and verified, perhaps we Americans had better call our dopey Senators and tell them to kill this bill. Like right now.

And then it's time to start this whole "Man is wrecking the planet" stuff again from square one, and to do it right; with transparency, verifiable data, and scientific integrity. If the Warmers are right, then fine, but if they can't prove their hysteria, then they should leave the rest of us alone.

Update: Al Gore is now cancelling personal appearances, beginning with, oddly enough, the Copenhagen Conference.

Pajamas Media has a go at Gore's suddenly-low public profile, and the man himself.