Monday, August 09, 2010

This is Why He's a SPORTS Writer...

Mike Lupica has suddenly become the New York Daily News' Featured Drumbeater for Every Liberal Cause. Which tells you two things about the modern media:

a) they're so desperate to sell bullshit as "conventional wisdom" that they manage to get one of their better*, and more popular**, writers to commit career suicide in order to do it, and

b) there's a ludicrous idea out there that sportswriters/casters make very good social/political commentators (see: Keith Olbermann, Mitch Albom, Bryant Gumbel, et. al.) probably because "sports" have a "universal appeal" and all that, and we'll take the politcal opinions of a sportswiter overt those of a more seasoned political "specialist". We relate more to Mike Lupica than, say, Charles Krauthammer or E.J. Dionne, this line of reasoning probably assumes.

However, there's a reason WHY Mike Lupica is a sportswriter, you know.

It's because he's dumber than dogshit. I know: I've read his columns for near-on 30 years, by now. Mike Lupica making the great analytical leap into South Carolina politics is, on it's face, laughable.

Let me tell you a thing or two about guys who can presume to "remember" the tension of a mid-season-mean-nothing game in 1947, and write aboutit with a flair and panche that belies the fact that they weren't even there, but who remember reading about it 15 years later in some other sportswriter's memoirs; it doesn't take a genius to remember batting averages, the name of an obscure field goal kicker, make an argument about why soccer will never catch on in America, or why NASCAR sucks so badly. If you doubt this, you need only tune into ESPN any time of day or night and watch ex-jocks try to pronounce words they can't even spell.

Sports are, for the most part, not a serious business; they are entertainment. Therefore, sportswriters are usually not very serious guys. There is very little difference between Mike Lupica and the bunch of idiots over at TMZ; Mike chases down LeBron James, TMZ chases Lindsay Lohan. Your typical sportswriter is a wanna-be; he'd rather be the guy living that 4th-and-2 slant pass, or the 3-2 fastball that was taken into the gap for a walk-off-RBI-double, but he can't, because he has no physical talent whatsoever.

You know what they say "those than can, Do. Those that can't Teach. Those who can't even do that, make a lavish living telling you all about the lives and activities -- and second-guessing -- those who Do and Teach".

Yes, there are times when sports do, indeed, become a metaphor for life, or when something profound happens in the context of a sporting event...but usually, that's when someone dies in the boxing ring, or a fiery crash, or a certain combination of circumstances combines in a completely unique way, such as the 1980 USA men's hockey team. Then a sportswriter, if he actually has any kind of muse within him, may break the mold andsurprise us. But sans such an opportunity or ability, your average sportswriter has but three petty talents:

a) They can tell you what happened during a game -- one which you've probably already watched on television.

b) They're very good at second-guessing people -- after-the-fact -- and manufacturing "drama" in sports that gets people fired, and

c) according to Mark Cuban, the dumbest people in any room are the Media Guys, so they have the unique ability to be outthought by the slime you typically find under any stadium seat.

Lupica shows up, I think, at least twice a week to spew liberal boilerplate. And rather badly, too.
Maybe the News is just trying to save money and have one writer do two jobs, or maybe ever since Geoirge Steinbrenner died, Lupica has lost his favorite (some might say ONLY) subject, but perhaps it's just time for the News to let Lupica do what he does best -- write utter crap about sports, and pick up a hefty paycheck -- and not tackle any subject that requires talent or intelligence.

* = "better" in relation to the other slugs who write for the Daily News, particularly that asshole Juan Gonzolez, for whom every subject has but one point-of-view: the Hispanic one. Given half-a-chance, Gonzolez would waste a month's worth of columns on the Hispanic angle on belly-button lint.

** = "more popular" as opposed to dysentery.

(Hat tip to JammieWearingFool)

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