Wednesday, February 24, 2010

In Real Life, He's a Pantybunched Little Girl...

I know no one watches him anymore, but someone really ought to get Keefy Olbermann some help. Being an expert on self-delusional mental illnesses, I recognize all of his symptoms; the yelling, the hyperbole, the forced drama, the hopping up and down on one foot, face screwed into a mask that's half ecstasy-half-the-strain-of-holding-back-a-raging-bladder, like a little boy bursting for a pee.

You tell me if this appears to be a sane man. In total control of his faculties, for sure!

It's bad enough that Keef makes things up, now he has to latch onto things that other people made up, just to continue his act. Because it really IS an act, you know. It has to be: no one could be this clueless and not be in Congress, or even the White House.

Ooops, did I say "White House?". Tut-tut, Keefy might begin calling me a racist and accuse me of only wanting to be surrounded by People...Who...Look...Like...Me! I'm all a-scared, because when Keef comes after you with the racist brand, boy, you know you're really, really gonna get it! He'll call you "racist" all day long, until his voice is gone, and his molded-to-his-plastic-head haircut is all dishevelled. He can keep it up for hours, too; imagine, having to look at THAT FACE; that one that he puts on when he gets all self-righteous and smug, that looks like he's sitting on his vibrator while someone pours lemon juice into an open wound. Why, that's enough to make most men break!

Except that only Keef takes Keef seriously, and the Act is beginning to wear thin. I say "Act" because like most liberals who appear to care more than the rest of us but really don't, they understand basic economics. Keef's checkbook, and the means to continue to buy super-hot girlfriends, depends on The Act. He makes a lot of money doing this bit, entertaining the Libtards with second-grade shtick, and insult comedy about their favorite boogeymen; Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter...Why, if it weren't for people like that, people who are actually journalists, opinionists, and genuine entertainers, Keef wouldn't have anything. He'd be back in Dogpatch doing play-by-play at an American Legion Softball game.

Keef is obsessed with Rush and Bill, et. al.,because he gets paid to be. And the nastier he gets, the more the Libtards love it, and the more he gets paid for it. You really believe that any sane individual actually believes the crap that (P)MSNBC anchors claim to believe? Do you think they would even give voice to such opinions if they didn't get paid a shitload for it? Rachel Maddow, yeah, but that's only because she finds penis frightening and I don't dare delve into that mental chasm without a hardhat with a light on it, and a stout rope. I also detect a strain of jealousy in Keefy, as well, because while Keefy gets paid well, he doesn't get paid O'Reilly Scale, and that means he can't impress the girlies that he has to pay by the hour to be his girlfriend, and he can but only dream of being in the same category as Limbaugh and Coulter.
Here's my own (unprofessional, though it is) psychological profile of Keefy:

* Penis envy
* Mommy Issues
* Pathological liar
* Narcissism
* Often projects his own, secretly-held beliefs onto others
* Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
* Bi-polar disorder
* Anal-retentive
* Monomania

I also wouldn't be surprised if Keefy was a compulsive masturbator, too -- perhaps spending as much as 12 hours a day Waxing the Totem -- and he's probably tried animal butt sex at least...twice. I wouldn't doubt that his mother either refused to breast feed him, or did so thrice-daily until he was at least 8.

But the Act is wearing thin. The over-the-top, 1970's-gotcha-journalism-dramatic-mock-seriousness and sheer shrillness is beginning to instigate the Great American Pucker Factor; where the very sight of Keef makes people try to suck their own assholes back into their own bodies as a measure of disgust. Watching Keef is like pouring salt on a slug. Listening to the constant rant, the manic rave, the vomit-inducing, irrational-leaps-to-something-purporting-to-be-a-conclusion-but-which-are-only-yet-another-spurious-charge-against-someone-Keef-hates, is simply getting to be tiresome.

It's dull and tedious, and even watching Olbermann have a nervous breakdown while he spouts things he obviously doesn't believe, which are totally without merit, and for which he happily takes an inflated paycheck for, is not worth the time or effort. It was once funny, then it became disgusting, and now it's just sad.

Keith Olbermann needs professional help.

Update: Keefy rejects the invitation to see the People of Color in the Tea Party, but insists that some of his best friends are black. Nothing like accusing people of racism without any foundation at all, and then refusing to be corrected by direct evidence. Must be an example of those fine "journalistic standards" they have at (P)MSNBC.

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