Feminism Would Work...If Only Men Would Do It For Us....

So sayeth the wise and sage Chelsea Clinton, scion of the "Smartest Woman in the World" and The Most Famous Bent Penis, fake television journalist, descendant of the vast criminal enterprise that is Clinton, Inc.

You can read what she had to say here:

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/chelsea-clinton-men-must-lead-the-way-to-gender-equality/article/2561161

Basically, what the daughter of Don Horneyleone says is that if feminism is to ever achieve it's stated purpose of a free-and-equal society, it is Men that have to make it happen.

Douchebag of the Week (1/25/14): Governor Andrew Cuomo

There's an old saying in these parts, that is, on Staten Island, the Forgotten Borough of New York City, that the "apple does not fall far from the tree."

In our crankier and less-forgiving moments, this saying is often modified thusly:

"The turd doesn't fall far from the asshole..."

Oh, how we have been blessed here in New York State! We have had the distinct pleasure (about as pleasurable as having your ass shaved with a cheese grater and then having lemon juice poured on the wound) of living under the enlightened despotism of two Cuomos. First, there was Mario (the Asshole), and now, we suffer under the misguided stupidity that is the regime led by his son, Andrew (The Turd).

Arab Spring, My Ass...

We should buy these people some Irish Spring, and then maybe they wouldn't smell so bad.

Here's the recent record of Obama foreign policy, vis-a-vis the Middle East:

Egypt - The Muslim Brotherhood is in power, after a popular uprising against a by-comparison benign dictatorship.New Egyptian 'President' Morsi attempts to take dictatorial powers and pronounce a theocracy despite all assurances from the White House and State Department that the Muslim Brotherhood is a peaceful, democratic organization that hasn't the slightest intention of setting up a brutal, thuggish, reactionary regime of religious and political repression that supports terrorists.

Egyptians who took to the streets in the name of reforming the previous regime of President-for-Life Hosni Mubarak didn't sign up for this MB bullshit, so they're back in the streets attempting to reform or overthrow this regime before, it too, ossifies into an Iranian-style dictatorship. Obama backed the wrong horse. Why? Who knows?

It's Official: Hillary's Running in 2016...

The rehabilitation and reinvention of Hilary Clinton has just begun with this story and never-before-seen photos, complete with rah-rah! style short bio.

It's only complete coincidence, I'm sure, that the photo spread just happens to have been suddenly 'found' on her 65th Birthday, and at a time when the current democratic (small 'd' intentional) President is about go down in inglorious defeat, right?

Hillary and Benghazi...

So, the Hildebeest took 'responsibility' for the lack of security that got four Americans killed in Benghazi, did she? Taking one for The Team, as the old saying does, is she? The Obamatards must be operating under the mistaken belief that now that someone has taken 'responsibility' for the Benghazi Disaster the subject is officially closed, probably much like they believed Al' Qaeda was finished after bin Laden was shot in the fucking face.

Well, no, the whole thing ISN'T over, Mr. President. It's only getting started.

Just because Hillary says "it's my fault...", doesn't make it all go away. It doesn't mean we can all, as you people like to say. "move on"

The fact remains that someone is lying to us, and we need to know the truth, especially from someone who promised us more transparency than we could ever imagine when he was elected.

What We Saw At The DNC...

It's finally over. The great big jamboree for the preternaturally stupid, the aging hippies, the Welfare Pimps, and the Professional Poor and Aggrieved is done. The City of Charlotte can now relax, even if it will take several days for the cloud of pot smoke and the aroma of bullshit to dissipate upon the eight winds. The moans and groans that I have heard over the last few days from those friends who live in my adopted Second City were the sort one usually only associates with someone dying of a very painful, and terminal, disease.

The people of Charlotte are damned happy this morning to have this three-ring circus, this travelling bordello of politics, this concentration of the worst elements of American society, finally gone.

Hillary Clinton Pelted With Tomatoes...

...which is a waste of perfectly good produce, if you ask me. Don't they have bricks in the Middle East?

Secretary of State Hillary "the Hildebeest" Clinton was greeted in the new "Moderate" "democratic" Egypt this weekend by a hostile crowd of people-who-wouldn't-dream-of-voting-for-the-Muslim-Brotherhood with taunts of "Monica!", "Monica!", and a shower of airborne salad components.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer person! One wonders if there was also a complementary Islamically-approved vinaigrette served with this humiliation.

Guess all that Smart Diplomacy is paying dividends, eh?


I applaud this "Moderate, modern, democratically-inclined, Islamic youth". They certainly seem smarter than our own!

UPDATE: Word has it that George W. Bush has been quoted as saying "At least they weren't throwing size-12 sandals, still covered in goat shit from the last orgy. Count your blessings, Little Lady! Welcome to my world, Bitch! Not so funny now, is it?"

"There Are Vicious People Working for the President..."

So says Lanny Davis, ex-Clinton lapdog and all-around self-serving douchebag.


This sort of reinforces the idea that I've had -- expressed many times on this very page -- that Barack Obama doesn't really run anything. he simply leaves things to his subordinates, and then goes on vacation or attends another tony fundraiser. For him, being President of the United States is just one, great big ego trip, and the heavy lifting -- the real work associated with it -- is for someone else to do.

If this is a truly accurate description of the people this President has surrounded himself with, the Valerie Jarrets, the David Axelrods, the sort of petty little dictators who never forget a slight (real or imagined), and who are willing to use their positions and access to the Commander-in-Chump to settle old scores, then it's no wonder that the Obama Tidy Bowl Presidency has gone the way it has.

I’m The New Clinton…

Meet the New Barack Obama; He's the Old Bill Clinton.

First he was Black Jesus. Then the reincarnation of Lincoln. Then he was the democratic version of Ronald Reagan. Now he’s the next Bill Clinton. Wait another month and he’ll be claiming to be the defender of all things Michael Dukakis. The week before Election Day, and he’ll probably be eagerly grasping the mantle of the Jimmy Carter that Jimmy Carter could never be.

Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory...

I saw this earlier in the week, and thought; are you fucking kidding me? Keeping secrets? Then again, it's Slate and they can be expected to drool all over themselves in the effort to make Obama out to be the conquering hero, but when it comes to the death of Usama Bin Laden (UBL) we already know the following:

* a 40-man SEAL team took out UBL.

* The initial tip came from waterboarding KSM

* The tip led to the identity of UBL's courier

* the Courier (which FoxNews has already named) was followed for years to establish his bonafides

* The house where UBL was supposed to be living in was under surveillance for four years

* The Pakistanis were not informed, and could not be trusted, so as to get their help

* UBL is shot in the face

* UBL is shot in the face, futilely trying to use his wife as a human shield.

* UBL"s wife confirmed UBL's identity by calling out his name

* UBL's body was disposed of in an Islamically-approved way, by dumping it into the Arabian Sea

* The government identified UBL by his DNA and facial-recognition software

* The government is in possession of UBL's computers, notebooks, diaries, etc. and busily pouring over the intelligence within so as to find other terrorists

* UBL Had two cell phones/telephone numbers and 500 Euros sewn into his clothing.

* UBL's wife called out his name, and was wounded, in the course of the gunfight.

* UBL Might have ben captured, and then executed.

* SEAL Team 6 practiced the raid -- for a year -- in a secret mock-up of the compound somewhere in the United States.

* DNA testing has sorta-kinda confirmed that the dead man was, or at least very strongly indicated that it was, UBL.

* A 'treasure trove' of information on all-things Al'Qaeda was found at the compound and is being checked with a fine-toothed comb by US Intelligence, and as of today, DOJ and others are saying that indictments and arrests are pending, and that DOJ may be asking for wiretap permission and search warrants, and issuing subpeonas very soon.

* The names of others inside that compound have already been released. I'm surprised they haven't identified the cleaning lady and Bin Laden's plumber by name, yet.

Just what secrets, if any, are being kept? It seems to me that President Obama is doing nothing but talking about the raid -- understandable, as it is the ONLY accomplishment of his otherwise-disastrous administration -- and the Press is doing nothing but publishing/broadcasting all sorts of details, and that, obviously, means the government leaks information -- and secrets -- like a fucking sieve.

But even more troubling, and somewhat confusing, is that the Administration is not going to release any photographs of UBL to prove that he's actually dead, and the reason given is that no one wants to 'inflame' Islamic sensibilities with US Troops in combat zones, and US diplomats still in Islamic countries. That's when the excuse is not protecting National Security or the protection of sources and methods and so forth, in the meantime neglecting that so much information has already been released that it would take years for any investigative reporter with integrity and half-a-brain (oxymoron) just to run it all down.

It seems as if the Administration, true to form, is attempting to decide what is and what is not secret depending on what the perceived political and propaganda needs of the Administration are at any particular moment, and in the process only reinforcing what so many already think; that Barack Obama is a doofus, surrounded by bigger doofuses, who can't decide if it's Tuesday or Wednesday, and when confronted by the possibility of having to make a decision, unfailingly make the wrong one.

Having made the right decision to get UBL, the Won is now fucking it all up for himself by making -- or allowing his minions to make -- all the wrong ones.

First of all, who gives a crap about Islamic Sensibilities? If you say that not releasing the photographs and other evidence is the proper thing to do on the grounds that it's all too gruesome and graphic, I'd like to remind you that the images of 9/11 are just as horrific, and I just saw them all over again this entire week plastered all over my television screen, as the Press helps Obama take his, by now, extremely aggravating extended bow.

Second, the amount of data that has already been released (all of it for PR purposes) is astounding, if often contradictory, and has probably already let quite a few cats out of any number of bags, which begins to make a mockery of the idea of operational security.

We've been treated to pictures of the White House Situation Room during the raid, with their grave Obama, praying Joe Biden, and looks-as-if-she's-about-to-puke Hillary Clinton, but only because those images serve an ulterior purpose: making the Obama Administration seem competent, serious, concerned, and all Presidentially-like. Yeah, we get to see THOSE pictures, on the assumption that we really, really need to (really on the assumption that Obama needs us to), but we don't get to see the end result? Go figure.

The fact is that the Obama Administration, by playing to this nonsense about 'Islamic Sensibilities' -- burying Bin Laden according to Islamic custom (something they apparently fucked up, anyway), not wanting to rub salt in the wound of a major loss and dead folk hero -- and apparently trying, without much success, to return to it's 'beg Islam to be nice to us' policy, is doing itself, and us, a major disservice.

The disservice is that without evidence, no one in the Islamic World believes that Bin Laden is really dead. Without evidence, the same people who burned braincells and wasted air over Obama's birth certificate have new grist for the conspiracy theory mill. There are even some going as far as to say that those images are deliberately being kept from the public until Obama, about to lose the 2012 election, pulls an October Surprise and releases them a day or two before the election in a desperate bid to save his sorry ass. Already, there are those in the Islamic Sandbox saying the enitre thing is a fiction cooked up by a desperate Obama.

Obama, who has now scored major points in an area which was one of his biggest weaknesses (He's been soft on the War on Terror), has gone and squandered that advantage -- and re-opened the floodgates of conspiracy theory and charges of incompetence. The left hand doesn't seem to know what the right hand does here; one day UBL is said to have resisted, and the next that he was unarmed. One day UBL was found in part because of what happens at Gitmo, and the next, it was painstaking intelligence work done over a series of years,like someone doing a giant jigsaw puzzle in the dark and with one hand tied behind his back. The CIA says one thing, the Pentagon another. The State Department (which on a good day might be able to find it's own collective ass with both hands and a roadmap) says something else, entirely, and they all contradict and step all over each other in the process.

The disinformation may be deliberate, granted, but from here it appears as if no one in the government is on the same page, and that always leads one to the conclusion that no one in Washington can muster enough intellectual firepower to burn calories, and in this political climate (Throw the Bums Out!), that's rather dangerous for a sitting President (even if I do think he's a con man).


Offered as proof of that lack of attention to detail: You'll be glad to know that the FBI is STILL offering a $25 million reward for UBL. Administrative oversight, probably (The FBI probably requires 700 bureaucrats to remove a staple from a two-page memo), but you just know what conspiracy theorists will do with this sort of detail.

Leave it to Barack Obama to create a rather strange dialectic in which Americans may actually thank God that Wikileaks exists.



If you did the thing right in the first place, you wouldn't have these problems, and you wouldn't have to expend so much energy trying to look the part of legitimate, in-charge, hands-on, involved, know-everything, competent President.

UBL is dead; Great! I'm proud of you. Now prove it. Considering the track record of this President and this Administration, documented, authenticated, carved-in-stone proof is required. They have no one but themselves to blame for it because they way they 'do business' leaves them vulnerable to charges of not being truthful. Their inability to ever nail down details -- do they even care about details? -- makes them look bad; as if they're just winging it, and leads to the sort of distrust that allows a two-year kerfuffle over birth certificates to fester. It'll take all of five minutes to do, and who gives a shit what Achmed in Riyadh thinks, besides Larry King?

I believe that UBL is, in fact, fish food, but let's face it; there's millions of people, here in the United States and abroad, who won't until they've been given solid evidence. And even at that, there are still going to be those who will never believe it anyway, so why not just release the damned things and spare yourself the multitude of self-inflicted wounds, accusations of blind stupidity, and attributions of sinister political motivations?

Show the damn pictures.This is par for the course with President Obama; even when he does something awesome and worthy of praise, he ruins it by leaving so many loose ends, refusing to release information that is readily available and which the public has a right to because political motive gets in the way, and because he and his people often feel the need to take that Victory Lap before the Public has been convinced that he's acually won something. I think at this point it's become an automatic, reflex, defensive routine on the part of the Administration: declare victory, take the photo ops and good press, go home, refuse to answer questions that might rain upon your parade, then complain about the 'unfairness' of having to be held to some sort of higher standard than past Presidents, cry racism.

Too Smart for His Own Good?

Three anonymous (probably Leftard) 'experts' subject President Obama to a thorough examination -- without meeting him -- and form the following diagnosis:he's a complex dude, and that's why we don't understand just how absolutely fucking incomprehensibly awesome he really is.

Let's get this out of the way: I like Barack Obama, The Man, not Barack Obama the Jumpshot-in-Chief. I think he is genuinely smart in that Ivory Tower, bookish sort of way which makes for interesting cocktail party conversation, but which usually doesn't work when applied to practical problems. I'd like to spend an afternoon with him over a couple of beers and a ballgame, or maybe an evening of poker, cigars and dirty jokes. Hell, he can fuck my sister, I admire him so much.

It takes a great man to be this utterly clueless and still get elected to the highest office in the land. I'd like to know his secrets to success.

But, there's something about Obama that just doesn't compute, and as we used to say in my old systems programming days, if it doesn't add up, then you've fucked up. There's something missing, a key variable, a lack of data, some error that must account for the gap between the Hope and Result.

So, I've done my own evaluation of Barack Obama -- debugging, as it were, the Man's code -- and since I'm not a psychiatrist, haven't read any of his three, five, seven, whatever, biographies, don't parse his speeches looking for flashes rhetorical brilliance, I don't faint at the mere sight of him, or read any of his policy papers, I figure this makes me just as qualified to evaluate the President from a distance and with no direct input as three so-called psychiatric experts who apparently are incapable of speaking in coherent sentences.

I don't believe that Barack Obama ever expected to win the election in 2008.

I believe this, without proof or first-hand evidence -- but that didn't stop Millbank's Experts, did it? -- that B.O. was just as convinced as every other Flapping Rectum in the summer of 2008 that Hillary Clinton had the democratic nomination all but stolen, and that his job in that case was to remind the Clinton Wing of the democratic party that the Moonbat Left was still there and had stuff to say (It may have been stupid stuff, but it still needed to be said), and they would not be silent while a candidate they saw as fundamentally the same as McCain took her premature victory lap and coasted into a uncontested November win.

Obama was probably content to play Clinton's Ralph Nader, and then try again another day.

But then the Economy hitthe skids. The Stock Market crashed. The Housing Market was imploding. The country was still embroiled in two wars that appeared to be becoming social laboratories and Straw Men for Left and Right to argue over rather than actually WIN. People began to worry, they began to panic, and when they examined their choices come November 2008, they found two people who were indistinguishable in their 'maintain the status quo' politicking, and some dude who gave good speech and managed to make 'more of the same' even more unappealing.

So, they voted for Barry. Whether this was the desperation of Hope, or the desire for Change, matters not: if Obama had one thing in his favor it was that he wasn't an aging Cold Warrior who couldn't stay on the same side of the political street for three minutes, or an opportunistic hellion in a Black Crusty Pantsuit who was going to have her Presidency run -- and probably ruined -- by her horndog husband. Obama was seen as alien to the viper pit of Washington politics that had caused the multiple messes we were in. That was enough for a good many folks.

So there he was, actually winning. The problem was, I think, that since he hadn't expected to win, he had no plan for what do next.

This became evident almost immediately with the Stimulus Plan. it wasn't an economic plan as much as it was a wish-list of ridiculous projects and pet peeves compiled by Congressional Democrats. The only thing "shovel ready" about that plan was The Plan Itself. It's not surprising that it failed because it wasn't really intended to do anything beyond ensuring that certain democratic (small 'd' intentional) party allies and constituencies were fully funded before the money well-and-truly ran out.

The next clue was ObamaCare. In the midst of an economic crisis, Obama puts forth a brand-spankin' new entitlement program, and then leaves the details to Congress again. He then spends 15 months -- the first third of his Presidency, in effect -- trying to sell a plan that he can't explain, can't describe the need for, and can't justify at a time when people are losing their jobs left and right. A year after it's been passed he still can't explain it, and the more we learn of it as the days unwind, the less we like it. Nancy Pelosi wasn't just being coy when she said "We have to pass it to find out what's in it"; none of the people who allegedly put it together even KNEW what they had wrought, and what they did know of it was sure to be political suicide (see 2010 midterms). That's why the thing was cobbled together in secrecy, funded up-front, and passed almost in the dead of night with the hope that it would eventually just be too complex -- and embeded -- to kill at a later date.

The next indication that Barack Obama wasn't prepared for this job was the enormous amount of time he spent complaining about having to do it. I was especially shocked to listen to President-Elect Obama take daily questions from the Press on this or that subject, and alternately expound a load of fertilizer where he thought it would do him good, and then gently remind the Press that he wasn't President yet when a question was inconvenient. Later, the criticism becomes too great and mean-spirited, everything was George Bush's fault, it's racism and he inherited every problem and they couldn't all be fixed overnight(this is true, but it's not as if he didn't know about the pile of horse dung that is Washington and American Politics; but he did, after all, lobby for the job and should have known), and this led to the next clue:

The amount of time Barack Obama has spent in the last two years NOT being President of the United States.He's on vacation every few weeks. He's delegated a shitload of authority and responsibility to 'czars' and 'Blue Ribbon Panels', he's taking "Date Nights" with the Missus, taking the kids to Hawaii, playing as much golf as possible. When catastrophe strikes, and the Gulf Coast is poisoned by a massive oil spill, Obama goes on vacation, but promises to file a lawsuit when he comes back. He starts a war by committee, so that England and France can fight Khadaffi to the last American on behalf of their oil supplies, and then tries to back away from ownership of it. This as American forces are already fighting on behalf of the  Europeans in Afghanistan and Iraq. Our foreign policy leadership has been turned over to the U.N., the Arab League, and the European Union.

But the Biggest Clue about about how clueless Barack Obama is in the selection of his advisers; he went back into the Clinton Administration to find a good number of them. Nothing says 'Change' like a return of the legions of Clinton Zombies who had served so well that Al Gore couldn't even win his OWN STATE in a time of peace and prosperity, and was reduced to trying to sue his way into the White House.

Leon Pannetta, Rahn Emannuel, Eric Holder, and if that's not frightening enough, there's a cavalcade of democratic party stars rumored to be waiting in the wings, whispering this or that piece of sage advice, or angling for jobs: Jimmy Carter, Jamie Gorelick, Donna Brazille, Joe "The Raging Dumbass" Biden. Some change.

Whatever economic plan Obama and his team managed to write on the back of a cocktail napkin and presented as a serious solution to our economic woes sounds as if it came right out of a Soviet Three Year Plan, one that college students are obliged to read about in their textbooks: massive government 'investment' in Green Energy -- an industry which has, to date, not delivered a single result to ever match it's claims -- a return of FDR's Public Works Programs, Nationalization of the Banks and selected (union-dominated) Industries on a scale, and in such brazen fashion, that it would have made the Nazis blush with envy.

Change? We're trying the same things that have been tried in various countries since the 1930's; they didn't work then, they sure as hell won't work now. We're being lectured to on Capitalism by the Chinese and Russians, for Christ's sake! I'm sure everyone in the White House has read Das Kapital, but has anyone there read The Wealth of Nations?

Don't even get me started on how it is that Candidate Obama and President Obama are polar opposites on Gitmo Detainees, The Surge, Raising Debt Ceilings, Bush Tax Cuts (he's now changed positions on these, by my count, three times), talking about ending two wars, but then starting a third, etc, etc. I guess it's easy to criticize when you're ignorant of reality than it is when you're in full possession of the facts -- or at least when you're trying to get someones job, only to find out it's not all it's cracked up to be. In the end, it looks as if you're making it up as you go along, flying by the seat of your pants, confused, uncertain, disinterested.


This guy always seems to be two or three steps behind the curve on everything. Everything comes as a surprise, every issue or crisis is one that is unforeseen, and is preceded or followed with the adjective 'unexpectedly!'. He doesn't know what to do about Egypt. He doesn't know what to do about Libya. He doesn't realize that governments don't run economies, businesses do. He doesn't know what to do about much of anything, and when he tries to explain what action he does/doesn't take, no one buys it. We see right through it all.

Too smart for his own good? A complex thinker? Not by half. Barack Obama would have made a good insurance salesman. There's no shame in that; the world needs insurance salesmen. But a deep thinker? a Complex personality? A mathematician's ability to juggle variables in his head? On what fucking planet?

What Barack Obama is -- to use a poker analogy --  is a guy who's had his bluff called when he's short-stacked, and has but one option left: to go All In; he talked the talk, so the American people gave him an opportunity to walk the walk, and then it became apparent that Obama WAS, indeed, nothing but talk, and even then, he was given the benefit of the doubt seeing as how he was walking into a gigantic mess; maybe,some hoped, he would grow into the job?

No such luck. If anything, Barack Obama has shrunk while in the job, which is a pity almost beyond words. It was a task that he was not prepared for. Attempts to spin Obama's deer-in-the-headlights performance by resort to the well-worn political columnist's trick of "he's too smart for most people to understand", "he's too complex", "it's bad communications", "he's a deep thinker" are outright distortions of the truth, and that a newspaper columnist should have the audacity to promote such distortions as serious reportage/editorial is an absolute outrage.
Before firing Dana Millbank, his bosses should kick his ass for being a dipshit.

Dana Millbank's job is to present the facts; not trot out the shop-worn "He's too smart for us" bullshit in an attempt to explain away or paper over what is, already, a failed Presidency. We've been there and done that with other political figures; Hillary Clinton and Jimmy Carter, for example, and it wasn't true then, either. What makes anyone think the third time's a charm?

This Is Why No One Reads Wonkette Anymore...

A few weeks ago, I got an mini-avalanche of traffic from Wonkette readers, who apparently arrived because they were looking for pictures of drunken leprechauns. Presumably they needed them to make fun of the proverbial inebriated Irishmen on St. Patrick's Day, and couldn't find their crayons. Now, they make fun of a three-year old with Down's Syndrome just because they happen to viscerally hate his mother. And why do they hate his mother? Because she happens to hold different political and social views than the oh-so-sophisticated Wonkette legion.

They can't stop her, so they might as well attack her children. That's on Page 3 of Alinsky's Rules for Radicals, you know.

By the way, these people tend to call themselves "Liberals", but there's very little of the Liberal in them.

Now, I'm no angel, here. I regularly write stuff that's just as vile and which could be considered hateful, unless you have half a brain and a sense of humor, but in my defense Muslims AREN'T regular human beings; they're some sort of inbred mutant strain that diddles livestock and which blows themselves up because God said they should, so that doesn't count. But, I can at least say I've never attacked a child ( parents: hell yes!) just to make what's basically a very stupid political point, i.e. that Sarah Palin, by her very existence, is an affront to everything a committed feminist stands for -- mostly because she's the most glaring and obvious example of just how wrong boilerplate feminism truly IS. Whenever I write something nasty, I do try to at least follow a very simple philosophy:


a. There must be some point that I'm trying to make. It might not be a very good point, granted, and I might not even communicate my point very well, but then again, I'm not one of the oldest political websites on the 'net that still retains a pretense as being THE trendsetter in regards to all things Left-leaning. I don't even claim to be the guy who knows everything about everything and everyone that's anyone. I don't worship at the altar of political power, and I simply do not drool over the thought that I might see and gossip about the really sexy libtard junior Congresscritter from California's 405th District who has a really highly-developed sense of metrosexual fashion. That stuff ain't important, which is probably why fewer and fewer people read Wonkette every day.


b. I don't claim to be, nor do I aspire to be, a professional journalist; I don't own a set of kneepads, never learned to cover my teeth when performing acts of gratuitous fellatio upon the rich and powerful denizens of Washington, D.C., and I didn't spend a shitload of Mommy and Daddy's money on a J-school degree which turns out to be about as useful as one of those "Be a Certified Gun Repair Technician!" certificate courses one used to see advertised on the inside of matchbook covers. I would rather be labeled a Sex Offender, Child Molester, Mass Murderer or Enron Executive than to be considered a journalist. It's a profession which has been so thoroughly discredited that I'd wager that Barehanded-Septic-Tank-Cleaner probably evokes an image of far greater prestige and respect amongst most people. I'm simply a crazy dude with a variety of axes to grind, determined to use my First Amendment Rights before people like the social-climbing-libtard-prostitutes of Wonkette conspire with their democratic (small 'd' intentional) party johns to take them away from me.


c. I wouldn't even make fun of Nancy Pelosi's retarded children (I'm sure she must have many), a person who actually HAS done serious and long-lasting harm to this country (unlikeTrig Palin), and she's perhaps the second-worst person on Planet Earth, First Place being occupied by a three-way tie of Hillary Clinton, Ryan Seacrest, and Kathy Griffin (each perhaps a harbinger of Antichrist?), and all four just nudging that Ama-doo-dad feller into a solid third place. There's no reason to go there, anyway: Nancy, Hillary, or Sarah are all adults, capable of defending themselves and answering their critics, even the unreasonably insane ones -- like me. Attacking children is a really douchey thing to do, and with Sarah Palin, it's become the Libtard's sport of choice. First it was Bristol, then Willow, and now, Trig. At what point does it stop? At what point do you believe you've exposed your pettiness and stupidity enough, and whatever sense of shame you still have left -- finally --kicks in?

I know, I know...If you let something akin to a sense of decency kick in, you'd never get invited to another smart cocktail-cocaine-and-forced-anal-sex party in Georgetown.


As for the author of that piece (my guess is that he learned and honed his fine journalistic skills upon only the very best gas station washroom walls), the fact that he -- after the fact, and after the outrage -- retroactively adds an inadequate apology at the top of the post, cuts no ice. The post, after all, is still there for everyone to view. Frankly, it's probably still there because without the outrage it's caused no one with two braincells to rub together would visit Wonkette anymore. If anyone over there had any class whatsoever, they'd take it down, but alas, they haven't seen traffic like this in years. A dilemma if ever there was one.

Some of the comments to this article were, if you can believe it, far more vile than the post itself.

There's talk going about the 'net about a boycott of Wonkette's sponsors (that would probably be Massengill Disposable Douches, SuperFlow Do-it-yourself Home Enema kits, and Sunstroker 2000: The Solar-powered Men's Masturbation Aid for a Greener Planet!), but I've never been a big fan of boycotts. Mostly because they're stupid, and never hurt the people they're intended to. The good people at ToadinMyHole.com (THE Homosexual Dating Service for the discerning anonymous Interstate restroom sex aficionado) or the Craig's List Adult Services Page aren't responsible for what Wonkette decides to publish, or even has a say over what is published -- the asswipes at Wonkette would scream from the rooftops about censorship if a sponsor ever demanded editorial say-so, even if Wonkette.com does sometimes, hypocritically, scream even louder for the censoring of it's political opponents -- so why should those people, with no connection other than an advertising stake, be unfairly punished?


Don't boycott the sponsors; just stop reading Wonkette. And yeah, I've 'fallen into the trap' of reposting their stupidity while imploring you to avoid it, but this is about something more important than whether or not Wonkette gets a few more readers.


It's about people who would, and do, happily echo the Left's oft-repeated mantra that, for example, a Paul Ryan Budget Plan would cause children with Down's Syndrome to have to 'fend for themselves' taking a position on one hand of standing as the defender of the weak and helpless -- to score cheap political points -- while on the other hand viciously attacking a child with Down's Syndrome -- to score cheap political points.

Wonkette claims that it's a humor site, but it's difficult to see anything funny about any of this. If anything, it's extremely educational: you now know, if you didn't know before, what the self-proclaimed, self-assured, oh-so-fashionable, self-selected 'Liberal' elite really thinks and how it behaves, despite a pretense of intellect and sophistication, or claim to the higher moral ground in all things.

Guess Who's Running for President in 2012? Part III...

Will this woman never go away?

I wonder how she'll finesse this whole Libya thing, what with her fingerprints being all over it. Then again, Her Husband finessed the whole perjury and obstruction of justice thing with Monica's fingerprints all over his Thing, so who knows? Perhaps being the professional slippery eel is the Family Business?

Hillary Clinton is yet one more shining example of how stupid -- or how disinterested -- the American Voting Public can be. People actually believed her when she said she couldn't produce her Rose Law Firm billing records, only to let the fact that they had been in a cardboard box on the White House dining room table all along, slip by without remark or outrage. They believed her whole 'Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy' nonsense.  Some even bought the crocodile tears in the 2008 election, knowing full well that Hillary was crying not because she had been treated unfairly, but because she was losing that which she had so adamantly believed was her birthright.

Despite the fact that she's as crooked as her husband's always-on-duty Pelvis Bazooka (allegedly), she managed to convince enough of the dingbats in New York state to vote her into the Senate, and they bought the whole "I'm a life-long Yankees fan' routine. Then again, most of the people who did buy that line of crap were either dependent upon Welfare, or brain-damaged libtards, so maybe that's not so surprising.

Hell, they even bought the whole 'Vince Foster committed suicide -- by shooting himself with a .38 that miraculously fires .22's, hiding the gun, and then transporting his own corpse to a Public Park' -- routine. You tell me: are people stupid or uninterested?

A vote for Hillary is simply a vote for Bill Clinton's Third Term.

Granted, in hindsight, we can now safely say that Hillary Clinton winning the Presidency in 2008 was, at the very least, the lesser of three evils -- perhaps even the Best Case Scenario given what we know now -- but not in 2012. Not in 2016. Not ever. It's time Mrs. Clinton left the stage.

She's starting to remind me of a case of herpes: you don't necessarily know where it came from, but you're pretty sure that you're never going to be rid of it.

In other Presidential News, it appears that King Barry I has, officially, thrown his crown into the race. Oh, sorry -- can't say 'race' in re: Obama. I mean, into the competition. What else was he supposed to do? Just quit? That would have been an admission of failure, and if there's one thing we know about His Heinous it's that failure is, indeed, the loneliest orphan in all the world, so far as he's concerned. Everyone else fails, but never Him. When Obama fails it's not because he advocated a bad idea, or chose the wrong policy or priority, it's because he didn't communicate his vision to the village idiots well enough.

Because we're just too stupid to understand his unparalleled brilliance.

That's why the man spent the first 15 months of his Presidency pushing a Health Care law that couldn't even be explained, and which has more landmines buried in it than the Eastern Front. Nancy Pelosi was right "We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it", but the more we learn the more we realize just why there was a 'communication gap': it's an absolute piece of crap which is an assault upon American Liberties and Pocketbooks, which was intended to pass ownership of your body to the government and push the private health care and insurance industries right out of business, while enriching the lawyers.

Obama still hasn't figured out how to explain why, if this ObamaCare thing is such a wonderful policy, 1,000 waivers (granted on the grounds of political necessity) have been issued.

Now you think about this: if you're still in the dark about what ObamaCare is supposed to accomplish, how it will be accomplished, how much it will cost, and what it means to you, the Citizen -- 27 months after the entire thing started --  is that just a minor communication issue that will be fixed by several dozen more Presidential Speeches -- with Smaller Words -- or is it an indication that something just plain smells on ice?

That's why we were treated to three years of  George Bush did this-that-and-the-other, except that Bush was (mostly) right, and when The Won adapted wholesale all the Bush policies on War and Terrorism, there was no admission of having been wrong to criticize them in the first place.

(Ed. Note: There is PLENTY to criticize GWB about, believe me, but the War on Terror was not one of them, at least in theory. Where Bush failed was in believing that the Muslim World could be reconciled, democratized and civilized instead of doing what he should have done starting September 12, 2001: kill as many of the bastards in the most hideous ways as he possibly could, caught Usama Bin Hidin', and then left a permanent scar on the collective psyche of the Muslims for centuries to come).

I don't know what, exactly, he's going to run on. I mean, you'd be hard-pressed to find an actual achievement. ObamaCare won't even be in effect come re-election time, and it might not even be in existence as even a distant memory by then, either, if the GOP manages to defund it.. Despite a rising stock market -- and by the way, I'm not so excited about a DOW 12,000, because I happen to know that 12,000 number is no closer to the truth of the real value of goods and services as Obama's pledge to Lower the Rising Seas was (more on this some other time) -- unemployment is still hovering around 10%, and in terms of underemployment, or people who have just given up looking for work, it's probably closer to 20%.

Obama practices the worst sort of crony capitalism -- something that Bush/Cheney were continually  accused of -- and doesn't even try to hide it. When Key Lay called the  White House, he was told to go fly a kite. When Jeff Immelt calls the White House, they call him 'Sir' and offer oral sex. The 'Green Energy Jobs' nonsense is a gigantic boondoggle that simply transferred public money to private investors who will never produce a viable product that the public wants. Ditto for Stimulus: it simply enabled politically-favored businesses and organizations to fatten up while the slop trough could still be filled.

But there were all those great photo-ops. Obama emerging from the surf. Obama playing golf. Obama receiving a Nobel Peace Prize for Being Black. Obama visiting the few unsoiled parts of the Gulf Coast before continuing his interminable summer vacation and filing a lawsuit against BP. I guess those sorts of images will sway some voters (i.e. those who still believe that Obama would pay their bills and fill their gas tanks, the rubes), but where the rubber meets the road, the Great Presidential Candidate Slayer question "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" will be asked, and Obama will have no answer for it, and his machinations in appearing to be answering it will be an all-too-obvious dog-and-pony show.

Of course, not all is hunky-fucking-dory on the other side of the isle, either.

The two men who could solve a good many of the most pressing national problems -- Newt Gingrich (are you running or what?) and Mitt Romney -- will have a hard time getting past the God, Guns, and Gays wing of the Republitard Party in most primaries. Gingrich changes wives and concubines more often than most men change their underwear, and Romney -- as if being a Mormon wasn't already the kiss of death in the South -- has the added, self-inflicted millstone of advocating and implementing a Socialized Medical system hanging around his neck.

Then there's the Tea Party faves, the ever-more-polished-but-ever-less-believable Sarah Palin, and the Thousand Yard Stare of Michelle Bachmann, to contend with. Both are lovely, intelligent ladies who do speak for a sizable segment of the populace, but neither has the oomph necessary to  actually win. They'll most likely play the role of spoiler in the same way that Ross Perot did for GHWB.

Then there's the Rockstar candidate, Donald Trump,a pop-culture icon who can appeal to the broad spectrum of doofuses who swallowed Obama, Clinton, and McCain as capable people. He has three advantages on his side: he's rich enough that he can't be bribed or bought, he's a successful businessman, and he's not a professional politician. These are actually qualities the people want in their leaders, these days.You dismiss him at your own peril.

Let's also not forget that the GOP also has it's own Plain Vanilla Wing of single-issue (anti-Deficit) voters who have vomited up a slew of unproven and unappealing names, Marco Rubio and Tim Pawlenty, being at the very top of the list, and of course, the new perennial Libertarian favorites -- anyone with the surname of ''Paul'.

If you're a GOP prospect your biggest fear is that the 'Establishment' GOP, represented by such stellar personalities as John Beohner and Mitch McConnell, will torpedo and cripple your candidacy before you even leave the gate, what with their blinkered belief that Modern Politics is still about the Art of Compromise and Appearing Reasonable.

It used to be an ironclad rule of electoral politics in America that one had to secure 'The Base' in order to win the Presidency, but it's getting harder and harder to identify just what each party's 'Base' is, these days. (By the way, doesn't 'Al'Qaeda', translated, mean 'The Base'?). Obama is getting pounded from the Left, while stalwart GOP'ers are pounded from the Right and Center. I don't think there's any more 'Base' left, on either side, to nail down.

Whoever wins in 2012 will be the person who succeeds in managing the Center, while keeping just enough of the near-to-center elements of his party in line to scrape out a close electoral win. We'll see if I'm right in the next two years, but the ride is going to be a very bumpy one, indeed.

Of Mentrual Cycles and Cruise Missiles...

We now know who wears the pants in the White House.

On Counting Chickens Before They Hatch...

Call it The Audacity of Golf.

I read that this morning and tried to remember just how it was that we arrived at this sorry state of affairs. When I finally did, I decided the best thing to do was to get drunk in an effort to forget, but then remembered that I don't really drink, anymore. Maybe I'll take up heroin?

President O-Blah-Blah is really not up to this job. Personally, I think he's wanted to quit for quite some time, and I thought to myself that this is what happens when you elect an inexperienced person with no real qualifications to do such an important job, and then are stupid enough to believe that he might, at least, give it the Ol' College Try.

Or at least appear to be trying.

And then I had another thought (that's three in one day! Someone make it stop!) regarding some of the navel-gazing that's going on vis-a-vis the 2012 GOP nomination, and one Marco Rubio.

If I have to listen to one more 'conservative' (by the way, they don't exist anymore) scream the name 'Marco Rubio' in a presidential context this week, I'm going to start shooting people. Marco Rubio got elected to the Senate like five minutes ago, and his instant branding as Presidential Timber reminds one of the same 'conservative' ecstasy over Senator Scott Brown two years ago. Brown turned out to be just another politician --even if he was against ObamaCare.

I mean, really, you at least squeeze the bread, smell the melon, and kick the tires before you buy stuff, right? I'll bet more people put more effort and thought into buying a new cellphone then they do into their decision to pick a President.

How about we stop anointing people this-that-or-the-other before they've proven themselves? If there's anything we should have learned over the last three years, it's that jumping on the band wagons of the Tabula Rasa class of politicians -- just because they aren't part of the Washington Establishment -- sometimes just doesn't work, no matter how good it sounds? That's how we got Barry Soetoro, the Great (half-) White Dope, after all.

Just ask Ambassador John Bolton, who should be someone's Secretary of State one day, about what happens when your current Secretary of State is, like her boss, without the right experience and temperament for the job at hand. Being able to roll over and ask Bill for advice (assuming he isn't already sharing his bed with something with a barely-discernible pulse and room-temperature IQ) is not a qualification for anything, either.

If Barack Hussein Odouchebag has proven anything it's that when you elect your leadership based on the Cult of Personality rather than upon solid qualifications, you end up with a lot more to complain about and your quality of life simply shrinks under the oppressive cloud of stupidity and apathy.

Was there really anything in B.O..'s past that led you to believe he was going to fix the national economy? Was there anything there to instill confidence in his leadership skills? Did he display an extraordinary grasp of the truths of the modern world? Or were you simply desperate enough that anyone who had no discernible connection to what had gone on before in the previous two decades of American political life seemed that much a better choice? Even if he had spent a whole year-and-a-half voting "Present' on the great issues of the day, and had a Walking Menstrual Cycle of a wife (who probably gives him his orders) you'd like to feed to the wild boars one piece at a time?

Granted, the alternatives weren't all that much to write home about, either. Here were your choices in 2008:

A) Aging Cold-Warrior-Fence-Straddler with the Sexy Poster Girl for Pro Choice Governor (before she quit) of a State with More Polar Bears than People in tow. John McCain couldn't find his own ass with both hands, on a good day, and Sarah Palin finally found hers when Katie Couric and Charles Gibson (no shining lights, themselves) handed it to her on national television.

B) Carpetbagging, media-proclaimed Smartest Woman in the World who somehow didn't know her husband was screwing everything within range of his crotch, and the rancid smell of corruption clinging to every business venture in her life A woman who was so unacquainted with truth and candor that she felt compelled to invent an easily-disprovable yarn about how her parents came to decide her name?

By the way, on the subject of Hillary, Chris Matthews is getting all tingly again. My, how fickle that man can be.

That's what we had to choose from, so I guess I can see why Obama was, in retrospect, so attractive to so many dingbats. I guess they'd figure he'd grow into the job, but it's apparent that now that he has it, he doesn't want it anymore. Being President is hard work and people expect you to, you know, do stuff.

So don't give me the Marco Rubio/Paul Ryan/Eric Cantor bullshit. Those guys are in the same boat; they talk a good game, but what have they actually done, and in those achievements, can you show me something that is even remotely a qualification for POTUS? Give that crowd some more time to season -- and us more time to figure out who and what they are -- before you start putting them on national ballots.

Otherwise, you end up with a President who leaves the business of governing to the Senate and House leadership (and we see how well that's worked out), or to a bewildering array of non-elected Unknowns, and then goes on vacation every time there's an oil spill, natural disaster, war, revolution, economic emergency, or when the wife decides it's time they went to a sunny beach someplace, and took 1,000 sycophants along for the ride.

I do a lot of Obama bashing here, I admit, and I know some readers get upset over it. I want you to know that it isn't because I think Barack Obama is a bad man, it's because he's an extremely ineffectual President. I wasn't happy when he was elected, but I thought it was at least a shining moment for America, and the man had enough trouble heaped upon his plate to at least be given the benefit of the doubt. He lost that benefit the day the word ObamaCare entered the lexicon, which was like, four days after the inauguration.

It took 16 months to eventually pass that legislation, and it's been a year since it has passed, and still, no one can explain it. Fiscal year 2010 went by without a budget bill for 2011, and I'm still waiting to hear if there's going to be one coming from the White House for 2012. The national debt has nearly tripled. Unemployment is still over 10%, regardless of what the media tells you. We're still in two wars, and now have taken on a third in Libya. And I can't recall a single accomplishment of the Obama Administration since ObamaCare (a dubious one) that is actually worth a bucket of warm spit.

Gays can serve openly in the military? Yay.

A trillion-dollar stimulus which has turned out to largely be a waste of money? I'm astounded.

Naming over-budget, barley-used train stations after Joe Biden? Stop! I can't take no more!

Filing a lawsuit against BP in the teeth of one of the greatest industrial disasters in recent memory? Pure genius!

A Michelle Obama diet plan for the nation's chubby youth? My, our cups runneth over.

This is why you have to carefully weigh whether or not your candidates are truly up to the task of governing, and shouldn't be so easily seduced by the mere appearance of leadership without anything to suggest even the substance of it.

Guess Who's Running for President in 2012, Part II...

Report: Hillary 'fed up' with President who can't decide if it's Tuesday or Wednesday.

Moral of the story: when you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas.

I guess when Hillary took that Sec. State job, the first real one she's ever had, she figured it would mean no work. I've had managers exactly like Obama , who change their minds more than they change their underwear, or who defer making decisions in order to avoid looking stupid and unqualified. People like that expect others to do all the heavy lifting so that they can reap all the rewards. They never put their name to anything, if they can avoid it, and have the ability to generate tons of useless memos that are full of hemming-and-hawing language that's intended to ensure that they can always be on both sides of any issue.

The first Rule of Management on Wall Street was always "never be in the room when a decision gets made...", and apparently that's the new Golden Rule at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Even yesterday's "victory" in the United Nations -- the permission to setup a No-Fly Zone in Libya -- was a sterling example of Obama not taking (any) action, and waiting for someone else to provide him with a fig leaf. Now that a No-Fly Zone is 'authorized' let me tell you what happens in Libya next:

1. Khadaffi doesn't let anyone in his Air force fly as much as a paper airplane or kite. They don't really need to anymore, having basically crushed the rebellion.

2. Khadaffi tells his air defense crews to keep their radars turned off, their guns unloaded, and to not even give coalition warplanes as much as a dirty look.

3. Khadaffi tries to look all reasonable, and maybe even makes false overtures to the rebels (by the way, can we stop calling them 'Rebels'? If they succeed they're only going to vote to install a Khomeini-like theocracy, anyways. These are not 'rebels', they're terrorists-in-training).

4. Just in case some sandy little douche in Libya doesn't get the message and fires a spitball at one of our planes anyway, the Obama Admin. will handcuff our guys with a set of rules of engagement that only allows them to fire, even in self-defense, every other Thursday between 12:58 and 1:00 pm. There won't be any shooting back, because that makes a mess and 'only creates more terrorists'.

5. When the 'International Community' finally gets bored with waiting for Khadaffi's flyboys to take their chances, they'll start bombing planes on the ground. Bombing Khadaffi's troops, however, will be a different story. That would make sense, which is why it won't happen, even with all that 'by all means necessary' bullshit. After the Libyan Air Force is destroyed on the ground, and the pilots come back from vacation, Khadaffi will use the nation's oil money to buy a new-and-improved Libyan Air Force...from Russia and China, two countries which"abstained' from yesterday's 'historic' vote.

6. Safe from the threat of air attack due to Western cowardice and an abundance of misplaced caution, and secure in the knowledge that even when 'justified' the 'International Community' will agonize over giving any order to shoot at anyone, Khadaffi's tanks, artillery and terrorists (they ain't soldiers) will move into Benghazi and make the Rape of Nanking look like an out-of-control frat party.

(Ed. Note: Personally, I don't give a shit if Libyans are killing each other. It only means there will be fewer terrorists for us to kill later on. Unless we intend to bomb both sides, this whole thing was a dog-and-pony show).

Khadaffi has already won. Because he was given three weeks to do so. Because Barack Obama couldn't find it in himself to make 'the right' call. He'd rather just say "Khadaffi Must Go", and then let someone else handle the details.

You just know that The Hildebeest goes home seething every evening. First, she finds herself sympathizing with John McCain in that "I can't believe I lost to this fucking douchebag!" way. Second, she's kicking herself in the ass for having been lured out of the Senate. She now sees this as a monumental mistake; had she been there, she could have gauged the political winds well enough to have been on the record against ObamaCare, and thus improved her chances for a 2012 Presidential victory. Finally, it must be dawning upon her that even if she were to pull off a masterstroke of diplomacy and actually solve a real problem in the world, Barack Obama would either claim credit for her victory, or more likely, turn all her work to shit with indecision and irresolution.

She's this-close to quitting. You can see it in her face. Five minutes after she does, you know that "Exploratory Committee" thing starts, and the effort to keep Bill in his doghouse begins anew. She's getting the Crusty Ol' Black Pantsuit out of mothballs.

In retrospect, it now appears that a Clinton Presidency in 2008 would have been the lesser of three evils, and frankly, considering the way the field is shaping up now for 2012, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually won if she were in it.

Then again, I have no sympathy for the bitch. She's made her bed. It will be interesting to see how she spins having been part of the most ineffective and conceited Administration since Jimmy Carter into a qualification, and maybe even electoral gold.

UPDATE: Danish socialists were ready to bomb Khadaffi before Obama was. What does this tell you (h/t Mark Steyn).

The Lunatic Handicaps the Field for 2012...

We got us some fireworks a'comin' in about a year. The fate of the Republic is at stake; will we continue down the primrose path of Barack Obama, the Great Half-White Dope, who's enlightened policies of Communism with a Pepsi Logo at home, and Assuming the Position Abroad, are bringing the American Experiment this-close to an end, or will we Americans finally wise up, admit we've made a mistake, and put the adults back in charge before we become Zimbabwe --only with baseball?

We can pretty much tell who will run for the office of the Presidency on the democratic side; Barack Obambi is the incumbent, and his biggest threat to a repeat for the nomination is a woman so vile that her picture is next to the words 'vomit', 'douche-chill' and 'queef' in the dictionary: Hillary Clinton. Which one of them gets to pretend that they have any core principles and simply recycle the same libtard boilerplate pablum they've been puking up for the last 60 years is, at the moment, irrelevant; one is bad, and the other is only (arguably) infinitesimally-marginally better.

The choice on the Left is between a man with a resume so thin that you wouldn't hire him as night shift manager at your local Taco Bell, but who was elected anyway because of the sheer panic of the American electorate, or a woman who has a horndog of a husband who would fuck a catcher's mitt -- if it held still long enough -- and who's relationship with honesty is as strained and distant as Charlie Sheen's is with reality. Both are self-promoting charlatans, so one is not so terribly different from the other.

The folks to watch, however, are the on the other side of the aisle. The Republican Party has an opportunity to put someone in the White House who has infinitely more qualifications and intelligence than what's there now. They have the ability to nominate someone who is at least marginally more competent.

As a public service -- because that's the sort of civic-minded douche I am -- I will break down the presumptive Republican candidates for President in 2012, and give you my opinions on who can win, who should win, and why they should/shouldn't.

First, a word about the Second-Tier candidates, and the 'Hell Must Have Frozen Over' longshots;

While I'm certain that Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Tim Pawlenty, Mitch Daniels, Chris Christie, Mike Pence, Paul Ryan, and Hayley Barbour are (mostly) fine people, none of them stands much of a chance to garner the nomination. The reasons for this are varied: Bachmann is smart and attractive, but has that thousand-yard stare we usually associate with someone on recreational pharmaceuticals. Santorum is sooooo 1990's GOP Establishment that you can practically smell the pork. Daniels reminds me of a buttoned-down dentist -- one who probably goes home to his leather-clad wife who greets him with a ball-gag, a jar of Vapo-Rub, and a cat-o-nine tails. Pence's only claim to fame is that Ann Coulter once said he was the bestest conservative, EVAH!, in a GOP-controlled Congress that spent money like drunken sailors on shore leave. I beat Paul Ryan up for his milk money, and gave him a Wedgie, a Swirlie and Double Wet Willie, just last week. Christie already has a tough job to do -- and we haven't seen if he can actually do it, yet -- and a vote for Hayley Barber is about as effective and useful as a vote for Boss Hogg was in stoppin' them Duke Boys.

Don't get me started on Ron Paul. The Pot-Smoking wing of the GOP (i.e. Libertarians) might be able to rig a CPAC straw poll, but there's not enough of them to win a national election. Pawlenty reminds me of a box of No-Frills Brand Corn Flakes; there ain't enough sugar and blueberries to hide the blandness.

There are some in many (small 'c' intentional) conservative circles who consider these folks to be prime Presidential timber, but no, they ain't. Primarily because none of them can win, or even get enough support to make a decent showing. In most cases, these folks represent a single issue, maybe two, that appeals to a particular subset of GOP voters who, no matter how stupid or irrelevant the point at hand may be, still want to feel as if their view was advanced and that at least someone heard them out.

However, elections are not won by who plays the 'I-Support-the-Flame-Throwers-and-Hand-Grenades-for-Everyone' game, or who makes the required pilgrimages to Bob Jones University, or who kisses the grave of Jerry Falwell with the most reverence, nor are they won by someone who stands upon the podium, fist shaking in the air, condemning the buttfuckers to the eternal torments of Hell. Neither are they won by the candidate who pledges the most support for Israel, because without Israel there can be no Rapture, as we all know. They are won by people who put forward the best vision for the future of the country, consistent with the American values of fair play, respect for the governed and their institutions, and our common, Constitutional beliefs. Someone who can appeal to our better natures; someone who can sell us a plan for our future that seems the most reasonable, and most achievable.

We don't need another lockstep ideologue -- we already have one, and note how well that's working out -- nor do we need a Super-Duper-Fire-and-Brimstone-Conservative; at this moment we only need someone who's conservative enough, and even at that, conservative enough where it really, really counts.

So, here are your probable choices, and some carefully-thought out opinions on each. Discuss and enjoy;

1. Mitt Romney:
Poor Mitt Romney. He's a pretty decent guy, I think, but he has two major handicaps. First, he presided over a disaterous version of socialized medicine (the Ur-Obamacare) as governor of Massachusetts. Considering that one of the biggest complaints of Americans these days, and the Tea Party in particular, is the unconstitutional and enormously-expensive monstrosity that is ObamaCare, this is a self-inflicted wound from which Romney will possibly never recover if he has national aspirations.

He could, it's true, simply step up to a microphone somewhere and say "Hey, I know I've fucked up, and it hasn't worked. In fact, it's failed spectacularly. It didn't lower costs, it didn't make insurance easier to get, it resulted in increased taxes, regulation, and limited the consumer's freedom of choice. But, and here's the important part; I know why it didn't work, and why it can never work, and so not only will I defeat Obama Care, I'll make certain our health care system is reformed by the free market, and not by Congress by an unconstitutional maneuver in the dead of night."

He could do that, but then guess what happens to him? The Perpetually Pantybunched Wing of the GOP (the so-called 'Real' Conservatives) would call him...wait for it...a flip-flopper, and if there's anything they hate more than a happily-married homosexual, it's a hypocrite. Especially when you've already flip-flopped, twice, on their other pet peeve, Abortion.

Even assuming that Romney could survive those hits, by getting enough moderates and independents to drown out the bring-back-the-Victorian-Age bunch, he has one other fatal flaw: He's a Mormon. In this day and age that shouldn't matter one bit, but in many places in the Andy-Griffith-Show south, being Mormon is the next best thing to being an admitted child molester, which is, incidentally, what a lot of folks in those parts happen to think Catholics are, too.

Spare me the defensive e-mails extolling Southern Open-mindedness and intellectual sophistication, Goober: I've lived in the South, I know. For every Southerner who can speak German, recite Shakespeare by heart, or who once read Flaubert, there's 20 others who don't piss without permission or guidance from Pastor Bob. Besides, everyone knows you can't win South Carolina without bowing at Bob Jones U, and they'd burn the joint down before they let a polygamist apostate defile the place by walking upon that Sacred Ground.

Conclusion: Mitt Romney can't shake the flip-flopper and Mormon tags, and he violated core Republican values by advocating for and then installing a socialized medicine scheme. These cannot be overborne by his obvious business acumen and male-model good looks. He can't carry enough primaries in the Southern states to get the nomination, and if you put him on the ticket as VP, he's a liability with the Guns-God-and-Gays Wing of the GOP who remember when he was Pro-Choice...two positions ago.

2. Sarah Palin:
Ah, Lovely Sarah...what I would do to that woman! Let me put it to you this way; I would gladly bump uglies with Sarah America, but I wouldn't vote for her if you paid me to. I base this opinion on the fact that I'm just sick-and-tired of Sarah Palin. She's not wrong on too many issues, mind you, it's just that I have seen...and heard...far too much of her. In this regard, Palin is on the same plane as Obama; I see..and unfortunately, hear...both every freakin' day, and the prospect of seeing/hearing them again every day for the next four years just doesn't appeal. I'd rather take up High Calonic as a hobby. Besides, after that initial Pitbull/lipstick joke which launched her to a weird form of superstardom, there's been precious little to recommend her for higher office.

Oh, sure, there's that Tea Party thing, but here's the catch; Sarah Palin isn't so much a leader of the Tea Party, as much as she's a parasite upon it.

If Palin threw her panties into the ring she'd spend all of her time defending herself (and her children) against all sorts of liberal libel (even worse than what she's unjustly endured to this point!). My impression of Sarah Palin, in recent days, is that she has lost much of what made her attractive as a candidate in 2008, which was her authenticity. The libtard media attacks, the Katie Couric fiasco, the repeated questioning of her fitness for office, her quitting half-way through her term as Governor in order to suck up cash from books and appearances have turned Sarah Palin into that which we are supposed to despise these days; the Polished, Professional Politician. She seems canned, nowadays, too well prepared, programmed and trained to blindly 'stay on message' and 'get the talking points out' which is a far cry from the Old Sarah that I used to know and love.

The knocks on Palin; media hates her (then again, they hate everybody who doesn't kiss their ass and play their game), she's seen in some quarters as a quitter, even Obama would have more experience as a head-of-state than she would come 2012, and she represents a right-wing social agenda that, thanks to a lackluster economy, is taking a back seat to economic issues even amongst rock-ribbed social issue republicans. Besides, the possibility of a Palin win brings with it dire consequences. These are:

a. Tiny Fey's fifteen minutes would be unreasonably and unbearably extended.
b. The horrifying prospect of 4 more years of Andrew Sullivan/Maureen Dowd ruminations upon her vagina.

I just don't think Palin is up to the task.

Conclusion: Sarah Palin, even with Tea Party help, can't overcome whichever dingbat the Left throws up for election. She would make some GOP moderate a very good VP -- she's a visible sign to old-line curmudgeons that the GOP hasn't totally abandoned social issues, and her Tea Party legions will back a hard-core fiscal conservative to the death -- but that's about it.

Oh, and she's welcome to call me at any time of day or night for a little heavy breathing.

3. Mike Huckabee:
Reverend Huckabee gave aging hunk of rapidly-decaying dogshit, John McCain, a run for his money there towards the end of the last GOP primaries, but that's nothing to brag about; after all, it was John McCain, and if a camel is a horse designed by committee, then John McCain was a candidate crafted by a bunch of drunken monkeys with Down's Syndrome. McCain only got the nod because there was no one else, and Ol' Huck managed to stick around solely because the Bible Thumpers had no place else to go. Some of them just wouldn't hold their nose and vote for McCain, even if that meant Barack Obama won.

The good thing about Huckabee is that he's a reasonable man, and if there's one thing American politics lacks these days it's reasonable people. If you doubt this, turn on your television and watch the Parade of Retards that show up on the nightly newscasts; Obama, Pelosi, Reid, McCain, Schumer, Weiner, Frank, McConnell, Jackson-Lee, Rangel, Kerry, et. al. We could use a level-headed guy, but unfortunately, level-headed guys don't get to be President in America. I would hazard to say that the last reasonable man we had in the White House was John Quincy Adams, or maybe even Jefferson. People want passion and personality in their leaders, whether it's the uncontrollable lusts and lovable roguishness of William J. Clintoon, the Precocious Irish-Setter-like-Dumbass-ness of Joe Biden, the Born-Again Assurance of George W. Bushtard, the Teleprompter-and-Hint-of-Black-Preacher Routine of Ba-Hack Obama.

Huckabee, as smart and reasonable as he is, is about as interesting as burnt toast. He's also a little too free and easy with the use of subliminal religious symbolism for my tastes. He could be my Confessor, but I wouldn't expect him to be the guy to eliminate the Welfare State. If there's anyone in the field who could be the poster child for GWB's Compassionate Conservatism, that would be Mike Huckabee.

Huckabee's greatest detriment, however, is that he has a Willie Horton situation hanging over his head. As Governor of Arkansas (which is sort of like being elected the Smartest Retard in the Class), Huck pardoned a very nasty criminal who later killed someone. While the Left squealed like stuck pigs when Mike Dukakis was handcuffed to the 'racist', 'unfair', 'dirty politics' vision of Willie Horton, they'd absolutely line up with unrestrained, pee-in-your-pants glee for a chance to to hammer Huck over the head with a similar bunch of charges.

Conclusion; Huck is someone's VP. He brings in the Mindless Godbot vote, and he softens the image of the GOP as a bunch of rich guys who want your grandmother to subsist on Alpo and rainwater so that Wall Street can better afford gold-plated-and-diamond-encrusted, remote-controlled toilet seats. If you can keep him from mentioning God every five minutes, and he gets the chance to explain his positions and viewpoints, he's a very likable man. He just can't win because he doesn't generate any buzz.

4. Newt Gingrich:
Now this is the guy the GOP should have tapped in 2008. The reason being that Newt Gingrich's style of forceful, crystal-clear logic was the perfect foil to Obama's inflated Hopenchangey bullshit. Unfortunately, in 2007, Newt Gingrich couldn't get elected Dog Catcher in East Buttfuck, Podunk, U.S.A. The reason why? The 'Weren't Hoopskirts and Chastity Belts the Best Things Ever?' wing of the GOP would rather drink Drano with a Battery Acid chaser than nominate a man who ran through more wives than Henry the Eighth, even if he was a fiscally-conservative, law-and-order, America-is-the-best-goddamn-country-on-Earth, kill-the-terrorists, No-Gay-Marriage, No-Abortion, No-Welfare, Free-markets-forever Warrior.

However, this time around social conservatism is taking a backseat to economic recovery, and the string of wives and mistresses is not as much of an issue as it would have been in the past. I think a large number of social conservatives are coming around to the idea that neither Jesus nor Reagan is coming back to save America, and that instead of concentrating on getting the most pristine representative of conservatism we can get, they'd be better served by settling for the best standard-bearer, instead. Nowadays -- after two years of Obama -- the main issue is effectiveness.

And Gingrich is quite possibly the most effective of the presumptive front-runners. He's a former Speaker of the House, which means he knows how Congress operates, and would have the advantage of being able to figure out how to best get his agenda through. Ginigrich is a historian, which means he has a depth of knowledge about democracy, it's traditions, and the ability to learn from the lessons of the past so as to not make (too many of) the same mistakes our more recent bad excuses for Presidents have made. If there's a knock on Gingrich from my point of view, it's this: all this will-he-or-won't-he-I'm-forming-a-committee-I'm-travelling-to-Iowa-but-I'm-not-certain-I'm-running bullshit is getting old. Shit or get off the pot, already, Newt. There's playing it close to the vest, and then there's being a fucking tease.

The best part about a Gingrich candidacy? Newt Gingrich is a lightbulb, while Barack the First and The Hildebeest are mere shadows. He would clean the streets with either in a debate, and for the first time in a very long time in American politics, the differences in ideals, agendas, and level of relative competence would be so stark as to leave the vast majority wondering just what the fuck it was they ever saw in Liberalism.

Conclusion: Newt Gingrich is the best GOP candidate out there. His former bad behavior is no longer relevant, considering the national emergency and mood, and compared to Bill Clinton -- who got two terms -- Newt is a fucking Boy Scout, so any mention of his past indiscretions can be mostly neutralized by the "you didn't say that about Clinton, and you all think he was the greatest thing ever" card. If he would just stop this contrived 'indecision' nonsense, and get in the game, he'd probably win in 2012 by a 20-point margin.

Guess Who's Running For President...Again...

It's Hillary Clinton in all her cynical, pre-primary, re-positioning and re-packaging glory, all over again.

Expect her to resign as Secretary of State really, really soon. Trying to out-right the Right on National Security, though? What's that all about?

Maybe Barack Obama was wrong; you can put lipstick on a pig, -- but only if you believe you can continue to rely on the stupidity and short memories of the American Left, maybe? It only really requires....what was that phrase she used when she tried to grill General Petreus, again? Oh, right...A Willing Suspension of Disbelief.

I'm wondering if Hillary repaid all those debts from the last campaign yet, you know, the ones she had to solicit donations from people who already contributed to her lost campaign to pay off? Only in America could you spend the sort of (other-people's) money that a Presidential candidate is somehow obliged to spend, and then be able to beg for more (of the same people's money) to pay off your own debts.

Sounds like there's an awful lot in common between our politicians, AIG and GM. But, I digress...

Dissecting the 2008 primaries as best I can, it seems that Obama was originally the Ultra-Libtard attempt to get their views to the fore, because so far as they were concerned, Hillary Clinton was simply George W. Bush with a more masculine haircut. No one expected Obama to win so much as to bear the standard bearer of the demented Left. His 'job' was to put their issues on the table, and to warn 'centrist' dems (a contradiction in terms) that the Dingbat Wing of the party could not be taken for granted. Subsequent events, I think, have proven me correct in this assumption; bearing the last two years in mind, does it look like Barack Obama was ever prepared to be President of the United States, or that he ever expected to win?

What has resulted, from a policy perspective, both foreign and domestic, seems to indicate that no, he was not expecting town, and when he actually did, he had no plan. No vision. What Barack Obama actually did was to let Congress do his heavy lifting while he played golf and bought time to learn what being in charge actually means.

In retrospect, Hillary Clinton in the White House was far more preferable, even to a hardened republican like me, if only because if you gave me the choice between Prostate Cancer and Ebola, I'd take the Cancer every time. You can cut a cancer out. You can shrink a tumor. There's medicine for that.

Ebola just turns your insides into a bloody, pulpy, necrotic mess until your sphincter muscles finally rot out and the liquid remains of your guts flow out across the floor.

In any event, Clinton lost an election she had every opportunity to win. It's not like John McCain was the best the GOP could do, you know. Primarily, she lost for two major reasons;

a) She ran her campaign as if she had already won, as if the Office of President was her fucking birthright. She took the Victory Lap before the race even started. She did everything but measure the Oval Office windows for new curtains (on the off-chance the old ones might still have Bill's you-know-what all over them), and plan to return the silverware that she and Bill stole when the Bushes moved (back) in.

Politically, Hillary would have been Bush-like; she would have continued the War, she would have left Guantanamo open, she would have kept the Patriot Act (mostly so that she and Billy could abuse it for personal gain), she would not have advanced the same radical Health Care stupidity that parvenu Obama did. A Hillary Clinton Presidency would have seen someone who took it for granted that she could mollify the rabid left while playing the centrist on TV. She would, at least, not rocked the boat. A vote for Hillary was really a vote for the status quo, only with something like tits. if you were a Whackjob Lefty in 2008, Hillary Clinton was George W. Bush's third term.

It was also a part of her great misfortune that Americans had become so sick-and-tired of the usual bunch of morons treating the Office like a revolving door (the Bush Dynasty wasn't going to be followed by a Clinton Dynasty, if the electorate could help it), and of course, the Financial Meltdown occurred (conveniently, wouldn't you say?) in such a way as to knock the Old Guard in both parties so silly that they couldn't figure out just what to do -- except resort to their old stock response, which was to waste other people's money, pass useless 'reforms' after the fact, and then claim virtue. Hillary Clinton would still have voted for TARP, to bail out AIG, and nationalize GM, she would have done no more than the lesser amongst her (Obama and McCain) did.

If you were a democratic party voter in the fall of 2008, and your choice was between The Crusty Black Pantsuit who talked a good game, but lied to your face, and could be reasonably expected to simply continue Bush's policies with only minor, cosmetic changes, or the Slick Hipster 'Outsider' who had inspired you with lofty rhetoric and a thin resume, but who restored your deluded vision of the heady days of JFK, RFK and MLK, only with a Program of Reparations attached, who would you chose? Especially when the prevailing mood, in both parties, was to Throw the Bums Out?

Ironically, it was mantra of 'Hope', the very one uttered by Bill Clinton on 1991, that drove a stake through Hillary's heart in 2008. It's almost sad to see how badly that man's stench clings to her (I said 'almost'; Hillary Clinton has made her bed, and all that). It has since proven to be every bit as hollow and tinny now as it was in 1992, primarily because there is a huge chasm between the rhetoric and reality. Funny how history repeats itself, ain't it?

b) Hillary Clinton carried far too much baggage. About 200 pounds of it in the form of her husband. When you vote for a Clinton, as we all know, you get a two-fer. What sort of President would she have been with that (alleged) rapist and admitted perjurer hovering over her shoulder, whispering in her ear? A Vote for Hillary was actually a vote for Bill, for he would have been the real power behind the throne, and the Long National Nightmare that was the Clinton Administration would begin anew. As it was, Barack Obambi more or less brought the Clinton Administration back in all it's former glory for you, anyway (Rahm Emanuel, Leon Pannettta, Erskine Bowles, and about 90% of the lesser lights in that panoply of dim stars that was Camelot-on-Little-Rock), so we really did get 1992 all over again, only without it's principal actors.

It didn't really matter which democrat you voted for in 2008, anyway; you were still getting more of the same with abigger price tag, the only argument was over which figurehead was more attractive. Considering Hillary had more-or-less the same experience as Obama (neither has held a real job in their lives) there was no real distinction to be made between the two, other than novelty. And in a country that was in a desperate enough a situation, the Novelty Act spouting tried-and-failed communist boilerplate was seen as better than the Old-and-Tired spouting tried-and-failed communist boilerplate, especially when the Other Side was offering....what, exactly?

After all, your only other choice was to jump ship and...ewwww...vote for the obviously-confused McCain and the Hot-As-All-Hell-Librarian-who-Could-See-Russia-From-Her-House.

In the Great Pecking Order of Worthiest Victim Groups that is democratic (small 'd' intentional) politics, Hillary The Heir Apparent was stunned to learn that (half-) Black Man still trumped Woman Done Wrong By Cheating and Abusive Husband. That's how democrats usually vote, you know; they try to decide which candidate is the more historically-aggrieved minority. It's a pity they don't know any actual history. Anyways, Clinton only took the job of Secretary of State because it was the next, best thing; it gave her a serious job (junior Senator from a state you don't really live in is like being an unpaid intern, and besides, Schumer is an obnoxious boor), and it might even prove a springboard to future success.

Judging from the foreign policy mistakes of this Administration (ones that Hillary will be glad to tell you in the coming primary season were not her doing; she was simply following orders from above...yeah, like that worked at Nuremberg, too) that's not exactly something I would want on my resume. She will pull out her old 'Centrist Democrat' disguise -- something that barely exists anymore, thanks to the GOP-Tea Party romp in the 2010 Mid-Terms -- and run to Obama's right as a New-Old-Centrist-Blue-Dog Democrat (four lies for the price of one) while outhawking the GOP Hawks, and do her damndest to be as indistinguishable as the most centrist Republican come 2012. She'll trot out all the old Clinton Administration bromides with new bells and whistles, harken back to their supposed glories and virtues, cry once or twice for the cameras, and then triangulate her big, fat ass all the way back to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, come Hell or High Water.

And you'll never see Bill anywhere near her...unless there's money to raise.

When Hillary Clinton, who voted for the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan before she voted against them, who all but called the General in Charge of those wars a liar, who decried the Surge strategy, and almost-religiously followed the Far Left line that the wars were lost, unwinniable, that Iraq was a 'quagmire' and Afghanistan a 'stalemate', suddenly becomes a defender of the national (in-)security establishment, you know something is rotten in the state of Denmark, or at least, in the State Department. The woman has been 'positioning' herself (again) for the last two years for another run at the White House.

Hillary doesn't really give a shit about national security; if she did, she'd be front-and-center in the fight against illegal immigration, and in the trenches for border security. She has been absent on both, because if you plan to run for President on the democratic party ticket you can't afford to offend all the illegal voters in California, your Mother Lode of illegal-alien-and-welfare-mother-supplied Electoral Votes --54 of them. That's 20% of the total required to be elected, you know.

Let's see if the American electorate can still be that stupid two Presidential elections in a row, and fall for someone who's so obviously a poser, or whether the 'Throw The Bums Out' fervor of the Tea Party and the Great Middle continues. Get yer popcorn, folks, there's gonna be a fight on the Left very soon.