Back From Vacation...

Just got back from a three-day getaway with the lovely Tess to the open cesspit that is Atlantic City, New Jersey, a town of marked contrasts, part slum, part Las-Vegas-wannabe, cheesy, second-rate little sin bin for the middle class with no class.

Here's the highlights, which I know you were all just dying to know:

The Government and Your Storm Door...

One of the loudest battle cries of the modern Republican is Get The Government Out of People's Lives. The logic behind this motto is that over several decades -- some would say as far back as the Woodrow Wilson administration, but in any case, at least as far back as FDR's tenure -- that government has taken it upon itself to "do things" that government, strictly speaking, has no Constitutional Right to do.

Typically, this slogan is applied to specific areas of American Life,  like the Social Welfare patchwork, the regulation of commerce and Environmental regulations, that are often onerous, nonsensical, contradictory, and sometimes just plain dumb. I happen to agree with much of this sentiment, but for the purposes of this screed, it will not be necessary to talk about the Cradle-to-grave aspirations of some sectors of Government at all levels. That's for another conversation.

What we're talking about  today is the questionable level of government interference in something as simple a putting a new goddamned storm door on your house.

Douchebag of The Week: Todd Akin...

We here at the Asylum haven't given out a Douchebag of the Week Award for some time now, if only because with Barack Obama winning one every week for the last two years there didn't seem to be any point in it, anymore.

But, like buses, if you wait awhile, another douchebag predictably comes along.

This week's recipient is Rep. Todd Akin (R-Missouri) who, for some reason which you just KNOW is connected to throwing theRight To Lifers a bit of red meat, finds it necessary to make a fine distinction about "legitimate rape".

There's a specific reason why this sort of ultra-conservative scares the fertilizer out of people, and Akin just reminded everyone of it.

The Fifteen Biggest Bullshitters In America Today...

I believe it was the late George Carlin who once said, paraphrasing, that the biggest industry in America was the production, packaging, marketing and distribution of Bullshit.

Sometimes, when you look at the blasted heath that was once the landscape of this Great Nation, and you think about how it all devolved to deposit us at our current state of affairs, it's difficult not to agree with that cynical sentiment. You need look no further than the corridors of power in America for proof of this maxim:

President Obama is a bullshit artist.

Most members of Congress are bullshit artists.

Local governments are overflowing with bullshit artists, from the execrable personage of Mayor Michael Bloomdouche...errr...Bloomberg...of my great city of New York, to the "Honorable" Jerry Brown, governor of a bankrupt California which is rapidly becoming Mexico, only with indoor plumbing and food.

About Paul Ryan...

I humbly beseech a thousand pardons for being late to this..whatever it is… but I have a valid excuse:

The selection of Ryan as Mitt Romney’s running mate did not, as the conservative (small ‘c’ intentional) pundits tell me it must, ‘electrify’, ‘thrill’, or ‘energize’ me. Not that I’m not a fan of Congressman Ryan (in fact, I’m not), and not because his selection tells me anything about Romney that I either didn’t already know or couldn’t easily discern, but because…well…he’s been asked to be Vice President.

Someone has to attend foreign funerals, I guess.

I imagine that when Joe Biden was chosen there was a similar attempt to rally the troops and generate the same (media) excitement that just wasn’t there, but let’s face it; being Vice President means you’re usually sitting around waiting for someone to have a heart attack, either in anticipation of an instant promotion, or of a State visit to Kathmandu to pay America’s respects to the Nepalese Junior Deputy Assistant Minister for Sewage and Trash Removal.

Come to think of it, Joe Biden would be perfect for that sort of job – the sewage thing, I mean.

Even More New Anti-Romney Ads on the Horizon...

In response to the enormous popularity of this post, I have crafted some more new Anti-Romney ads the lying Obama campaign machine will be unleashing on the public any day now. Enjoy!

Welcoming Some New Friends...

Lots and lots of traffic these last few days from a bunch of really cool sites that shall be added to the Wall of Shame. Visit our new friends regularly, or else.

The first new friends are The Hostages. Great site, lots of useful info and humor, and a really good read.

Next, we have The Daily Timewaster, which pretty much sums up my entire blogging career to date. Go and read something and engage your brain.

Finally, we have a blog belonging to one of our Inmates, BeeSting, called Americans Stand With Israel, which is both a wonderful sentiment and a goddamned good idea. Some pretty good stuff there, go read it.

Thanks much for linking to the Asylum! We appreciate the recognition and the traffic!

New Obama Anti-Romney Ads To Look Out For...

"Mitt Romney killed my kittens!", exclaims little Mary Ellen Dumbrovski (left), of Chillicothe, Ohio, adding "he's a big, dumb, meanie snothead, too!"

Mary Ellen's story is not uncommon here in Chillicothe. You see, this is how Bain Capital destroyed a middle American town in the name of greed, and in the process, broke a little girl's heart.

You see, the Dumbrovski ancestral family home, a double-wide trailer provided by FEMA when the Dumbrovski's escaped the carnage of the evil George W. Bush's destruction of New Orleans by a Pentagon-generated Hurricane Katrina, sat on land that Mitt Romney's Bain capital had bribed the then-controlled-by-republicans State Legislature to acquire in order to build the brand new, state-of-the-art Chillicothe International Airport, Golf Resort and European Day Spa, all of which are only open to the Richest One Percent in America.

No sooner had Mary Ellen's family been evicted and relocated to one of the Bain-Capital-run tent camps/soup kitchens located in various, undisclosed locations, where prisoners were fed infrequently on government-surplus cheese, filthy non-EPA-approved water and refused subsidized birth control, than the bulldozers overran the once-pristine trailer park near the interstate and Carter-Era toxic waste dump, and crushed Mary Ellen's two kittens (Trixie and Dixie), who, because of GOP-backed budget cuts lacked state-funded medical insurance to treat their chronic leprosy, and therefore, were unable to get out of the way of the steamrollers with 'Bain Capital' emblazoned on their sides in gaudy neon lettering. Trixie and Dixie are now a permanent feature of runway Three-Niner West.

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Now You Know Why Everything Seems So Fucked Up...

(H/T to my friend Jannetta in Kanopolis!)

The Anticipation is Killing Me...

I hate waiting. I am the most impatient man, I think, the world has ever known. Particularly when it comes to having to wait in order to rid myself of a nuisance.

Why is it that time flies when we're having fun, but absolutely crawls when it comes to getting rid of  bad presidents?

This agonizing wait is reminiscent of those days of early childhood, when Christmas couldn't come soon enough, and when an afternoon was sometimes spent in anticipation of a visit from the Ice Cream truck. The bells and tinny music would be audible for miles before the truck actually arrived, and you wondered if the truck would ever get here so that you could buy your Bomb Pop and a Yoo-Hoo