Wednesday, March 24, 2010

All This for Only $4,000 A Night!

The five minute interviews are bad enough; attempting to avoid telling the truth about your addictions (and they ain't limited to "sex", are they?) by denying anyone the opportunity to ask those questions -- maybe because the truth would shatter whatever image and destroy whatever goodwill you might have left -- and to create some artificial "buzz" about your return to golf. It's torture watching this, not only because you know how this story eventually ends, but because there's someone under the impression that we give a shit about golf, and that scandal will make us care more.

I don't claim any special knowledge of Tiger's problems or personal life; I'm just sayin' I know a guy who has some secrets that he really, really, REALLY wants to keep hidden, when I see one. His secrets, however, are going to destroy him if he doesn't get his ass off TV. $4,000 a night porn star/hookers are the least of his issues.

We're witnessing the destruction of an individual in the media, minute-by-minute, and the worst part is that he's helping them. In fact, he can't help but help them. Tiger Woods is the media's creation, so I guess they have that "right" to tear him apart -- or more likely what's happening, they're helping him tear himself apart. That sometimes happens with people who have done bad things; they have to punish themselves in the worst and most public ways, and are often unaware of how they do it. The two, Media and Woods, are symbiotically-linked. Tiger can no more go without the media, even a media asking questions that he refuses to answer, than the media can go without setting fire to their own creations. He is, in effect, committing suicide in public with the very tool that made him a public figure.

It's how the game gets played.

I'm now feeling bad for Tiger Woods. I can't condone his adultery, nor the cowardly retreat to a "sex addiction" clinic -- which is complete and utter bullshit. There's no such thing as "sex addiction"; men would screw 24-7 if they had the opportunity and the means -- stopping only for Buffalo Wings, the Super Bowl and other urgent bodily functions. And even at that, if it wasn't considered bad form to pinch a loaf while you're making the Beast With Two Backs, many would probably not even stop for that. We're baboons, you know. We're biologically-wired to fuck everything that moves or makes itself available. So, the idea that there's "sex addicts" out there is a false one; every human being is a sex addict, in the strictest, biological sense. There'd be no human race, otherwise.

What many of the people who mental-health "professionals" call "Sex Addicts" are , are usually the victims of severe sexual abuse; they can't separate acceptance by others, or certain activities and events, from the sexual act because of some trauma related to that abuse.

Tiger Woods is no "Sex-Addict"-- he's just a super-rich guy who decided to take advantage of everything his vast fortune could buy him, which is NEVER a good thing. He's no victim. He's maybe also suffering with a few other, real addictions in the bargain (probably booze, and maybe even prescription drugs, but that's speculation on my part). Fame and money often combine to make people a) stupid, and b) weak enough to give into their worst impulses.

You know how I can figure this out? We go from $4,000 a night porn stars all the way down to the Night Shift Waitress at the Waffle House. We're not even talking consistency, here. There's no pattern, no logic, no reason. We're talking pure opportunism, and no means of restraining the impulse; a clear sign of drug and/or alcohol abuse. In the current climate of sports scandals, Tiger Woods the Drug Abuser is far worse than Tiger Woods the Adulterer. That's the story his "handlers" want you to focus on, because the other one utterly destroys their client.

Tiger, of course, maintains that we should just forgive him (not that I care, really. I only write about this because it's funny as hell and because I'm pathologically-wired to stand there and point) and let him go about his business. I think the man has every right to go about earning his living, but I don't think he has the right to do it without having to answer the questions he's been dodging so clumsily. He's made his cash on the back of an adoring public, and he has a responsibility to them.

Because Tiger Woods was sold to America as a paragon of virtue, a true family man, a shining example to the black comm-uuunnn-it-taaaaay. We were told that no black people ever played golf before Tiger did, EVER, and that he was he was a "true pioneer". A shining example of what skill, determination and character coming together can do to produce the consummate professional, and the very example of what those virtues could bring you, wealth and fame, a Beautiful wife and adorable children. That's when he wasn't portrayed as a steely assassin on the greens, a monomaniac with a driver, who's focus was "legendary", a deadly opponent in the rough-and-tumble world of competitive pastimes, and a man who was on his way to becoming the Greatest Golfer, Ever. Tiger the Athlete is all marketing. The Greatest Golfer Ever...what the hell does that mean?

Greatest Golfer Ever is a distinction on par (if you'll pardon the pun) with being the Greatest Croquette Player, or the Greatest Race Walker, or the Greatest Yachtsman of All Time. No one really gives a shit, except fat, rich white guys who believe that any form of mild physical exertion that they engage in should automatically be considered a "sport". It's not a sport if you wear slacks, ride in a motorized cart, and have another guy to carry your equipment for you. That's not athletic at all. The funniest part of this scam is that those rich white guys buy golf clubs like democrats buy votes, and Tiger was the Hank Aaron of Golf, --so he made a lot of people a lot of money, with a hefty cut for himself.

I guess Tiger might be desperate to strike while the iron is still somewhat-warm, to keep his cut if he can, before all of his bullshit is finally made public. To get that one last score before that public image is finally gone forever, and on some level, to convince himself that his former life can be reclaimed, whole or in part. It's sad, because the man needs help. I think he has more problems than we know about. You can see it in his face, and he's now in the "denial" stage where he believes that he really has a good grip on his issues and can just go about life. Except that he really doesn't and isn't aware of it. We should all just leave him alone and forget this ever happened and all move forward now, he says. Except he's moving forward too soon (they almost always do). The cameras, the media, the notoriety are just another aspect of his overall addiction -- he can't do without it, all the while protesting the "intrusions" into his personal life.
He doth protest too much; he wants it every bit as much as the heroin addict wants the spike.

Tiger, take a powder, Dude. Get help and get better, because this doesn't look likely to end very well.

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